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SEX (or lack thereof)...
...probably going to be pretty long...
I am 23, Female, almost nearing my mid-20s. I had sex only once, with the wrong person (unfortunately), when I was 19. A lot has changed since then. I have dated a couple of guys, but it has never gotten to the point where I even considered sleeping with them, or even doing anything sexual, as in below the belt (I had nothing against them feeling me up or sucking on my breasts). I haven't been in a long term relationship; it's never gotten to a point with a guy where I am comfortable enough to have sex. I feel like your typical guy, always thinking about sex, as in almost every night. I masturbate every now and then, I'd say a 2-4 times a week. I don't know. I have no trouble attracting guys...I don't mean to sound conceited, cause I'm not. If i talk to a guy, I never really take things further with them..mainly cause they're not my type, or it never goes past a few dates. I haven't even met a guy I'm interested in for almost 8 months. I'm 23 and don't even know what a real relationship is like. The only time I have orgasm is when i masturbate. I want to know what it's like to have sex with someone I like. I'm 23, and not saving myself for marriage. Quite the contrary...
It's better than sleeping around, but come on, in 2 years i'll be 25. I guess any advice on one or more of the following would be great:
a) How do you feel about my situation?
b) What can I do to meet more like-minded guys, not just airheads or assholes?
c) Let's say I meet a guy I really like, how would I even go about having sex, when it's been incredibly long time since I even had sex (and let's face it, I was 19, and it lasted for 5 minutes, and it sucked).
Thanks for reading through my rant, and for any advice :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
A. You are very young and should not feel rushed into anything. You are normal. Many women and men are your age and not very experienced if at all.
B. If you are attracted to jerks, or seem to attract only jerks, then your problem is internal. Was your dad around? A jerk? Therapy might be the best thing you could do for yourself, or at least read a bunch of self-help books on boundries and love.
C. The right guy, the right relationship and the right time will happen naturally and you will not be worrying about comparing it to anything else when it does. Every guy and every experience is different. YOU are different. You are not a little girl, and the growth and experience you have in life in general is going to benefit you in your sex life as well. ALL things are connected. Be healthy, be loving, be free from your past. "There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out all fear."
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First of all, I think you're handling things in a terrific fashion. I have a lot of friends who, in their search for 'that special someone', sleep with every guy in sight. Not good. Why bother having sex with a bunch of filler guys?
My suggestions for meeting great guys include NOT picking up guys at bars or parties, and joining an activity. The worst relationships (or non-relationships) I've had were with guys I met at bars. If you think about it, it makes sense: the only thing you have in common is enjoying the same party place, which isn't a great basis for a relationship. Also, don't get caught up in the "let's just stay friends" trap. It's actually better to be friends with a guy before you date him. That way you know you get along, you know what he's like.
As for how to go about having sex after a dry spell, when you're with the right guy it'll come naturally.
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I think you are over analyzing your situation. You are ONLY 23, not 50...so what if you haven't had good sex or met the right guy yet. you still have plenty of time. to find the right guy, or like-minded guys..most likely they will be in the places you enjoy going. for example if you enjoy going to museums, most likely you'll find the guy for you in a museum or some art gallery or festival. you know? don't go to a bar at night and expect to find mr. right...most of the guys there are looking for one thing only. as to how you would go about having sex..dont think about it so much. just relax..and if its with the right person there shud be nothing to worry about. but the important thing is to relax and enjoy loving someone so passionately and having them love you in return.
to end just be happy with where you r at in your life, and don't think so much. you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. and keep this in mind, the best things happen when you least expect them. so enjoy life, have fun, and stop worrying :)
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it's perfectly okay to be in your situation. you'll turn out fine in the end if just because you've recognized mistakes and moved on to what you really want. a great guy will recognize that and you'll recognize a great guy. you just haven't yet and that's cool. how will you find them? go do things where you'll think you'll find them. a friend told me once that he picks up girls in the libraries because he likes calm nerdy girls more than the kind who hang out in bars. if you're looking for a bar of soap you don't go to a pet store. comfortability to let your guard down will come in time.
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