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I really don`t like her, but I want to help her.
There`s this girl that I was best friends with all last year, but to make a long story short, she didn`t alot of things and started alot of rumors about me. So, I tried to gradually break away from her, but I learned something about her today. Her brother is one of my best friends and he`s not the type to break down crying over nothing. In school today, he started crying and put his head on his desk, so I asked him what was wrong. According to him, his parents have been beating them since around September. I remember the girl calling me in September when her brother had start crying (this was the first time it had happened) and I had asked her about it. She told me it was because her father had hit him, but then the next day she called and said that she was joking. The orphanage place came to the school today after her brother went to the counselor and called her to the counselor as well. Even though I strongly dislike this girl, I honestly want to help even though I`m not sure why. If that makes any sense...any ideas of something I can do for them or to at least cheer them up to let them know that someone cares?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Wow, I am so sorry for your friend and his sister. That must be a horrible thing to go through. It is great of you to want to help even though you don't like the girl very much.
First realize you can't be expected to take away your friend's pain. There are things you can do to help, but don't feel bad if what you do doesn't seem to be working. In other words, don't expect to be perfect. That being said, you can make a difference in their lives during this time.
Imagine being in your friend's place. No one (I'm assuming) knew about this problem until recently. He has a lot of pain built up inside him and he's losing his family. What would you want if this were you? It is a very difficult thing to imagine if you haven't been through it, but it helps to think about it.
I'm not too sure where your friend was taken, but is it possible to visit him and his sister? They will need people to be close to now more than ever, and just knowing you're there will make a huge difference, even if you can't change the world for them. You will take away some of their loneliness and replace it with trust. Here are some tips for talking with your friend:
1.) Don't try to empathize by saying things like, "I know how you feel" because chances are, you don't. This is in no way your fault, but it is just that no one can understand what a person is going through unless they have been through the same situation. And sometimes even then it is hard.
2.) Don't push your friend to talk. Although he may have pent-up emotions, he may want to try to deal with them in other ways before talking. If this is the approach he takes, don't be offended because it is nothing personal. Eventually he may want to talk about it, and you will be the caring person who listens.
3.) If he chooses to talk to you, there may not be a lot that you know how to say. That's fine because he will probably just want you to listen. Compare this to when a close family member dies. If you are talking to a close friend about a recent death, you probably just want to let it out and have someone there to listen. Although some opinions and memories from your friend may be helpful, you probably don't want to hear all the stories about when her grandmother died. You are grieving, so you need to let it out. This could be how your friend would feel.
Here are some websites that might help you out:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (This is actually about panic disorder, but there is some useful information)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (some do's and don't's about talking to your friend)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (helping a friend who has been assaulted)
I hope that these help you. I'm sure that you will do a great job helping your friend because you seem to really care about him. If you have another question or need clarification on anything I said, feel free to send me a message. Good luck! =]
Best wishes,
Hannah
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Makes perfect sense and to want to help someone who you don't like is a show of great character and heart, I bow to your wisdom.
You never need a reason to help someone. i mean all these people on advicenators do so for their own reasons but many are probably here simply because they want to help and not for any real specific reason. I think if everyone could do this, to just help for the sake of helping instead of asking themselves why they should help, then the world would be a far better place than it is.
I think the best course of action might be to just let either of them know that you're there for them. In a time like this, with what they are going through, the most important thing they could want is a friend. Just that could make the world of difference. So letting them know that they have you there as a friend if they need someone to talk to because their not alone could probably be the best thing you could do for them to show them that you care and want to help.
“Teach me to feel another's woe,To hide the fault I see,That mercy I to others show,That mercy show to me.” --Alexander Pope.
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