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toooo long, but please read
20/f
I became depressed and never liked myself because of who I am I want to run away from every one to keep them away from my depression. But I couldn’t hold it in, I told them what was wrong and they said I should tell Lara how I feel. I deny it for 7 years to not tell her but it got to the point that I was about to blow! So I told Lara that I am bi sexual and I am in love with her. Lara was in shocked but stayed there by my side to listen to me. She respected me and will try to help me as much as she can.
After I told Lara how I felt 10 months ago I went to a party and met this guy, nothing happen but I told Lara about it. She then got mad, she said she was not sure to be happy for me or pissed. I didn’t understand what she meant.
I told her that I am moving on and you are not making it easy on me. And she said she was jealous because she didn’t want to drift apart from our friendship and was afraid that we won’t be close anymore. She told me that she was jealous of my last two boyfriends in the year of high school. (And I remember her odd behavior, when I told her and my other friends that I got a boyfriend name Tony she ask me privately if we are going to kiss. And I look at her and said “maybe why? “ Lara said “well you know I hate it when people kiss” but after she said that, that made me wonder.) So now I’d told Lara that the reason why I went out with them is because I want to get over her and move on. And that’s why I want to move away to rethink my thoughts. She asks me why I liked her and I said “I don’t know how it happened but it did. But I am attracted by smarts, mysterious and adventures personality and that’s what you are.
But I really can’t explain it; it’s hard to put into words.”
Lara only had one boyfriend that lasted 3 days at freshmen year and she never told me about him until I found out the day she broke up with him. I ask Lara 2 days after she broke up with him why she didn’t tell me and she got all defective and said “I thought Rachel told you” (our friend who knew that Lara was going out with Josh) but I explain it to her that its yourself suppose to tell the friends. And she still got defective (I never understood that). But after him she had no one else she had some crushes but never ask them out but now when I ask her if she wanted a boyfriend she says “no not really”.
I got mad at Lara because it sounded like she like me back and I didn’t want her to (even thou I do wish it) Because I don’t think I can be good in a relationship because of me not believing in myself. I told Lara that but she didn’t respond to it. September last week I gave her a note that read:
I want to make things clear between us, because I been feeling quiet confused at the moment.
When I explain myself to you and how I felt about you, you took it respectfully and I am grateful for that. You told me in the chat room that you are fine about my feelings but don’t like me in that way. I respect that and so I moved on. But when I told you that I meet that guy Paul at the party you seem a bit jealous and I ask why you where. And it did catch me off guard, when you explain it to me and I didn’t know what to say but I was really confused because I didn’t know what to think. So I want to ask you, do you like me more than a friend? I need to know just to make things a bit clear, if you don’t then that’s fine we will stay good friends. I value our friendship very much but it seems like right now it is on the line and I don’t want anything to break it.
Please write me back when ever you can.
She hasn’t written me back and it’s been 3 weeks, I see her every Tuesday and Thursday because we have math class together. And it’s been bugging me why she hadn’t written back. What I think is that she can’t decide or to afraid to say no I don’t know but I want to know soon. What should I do?
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You've done everything you can. You've been clear and respectful of her feelings, and more difficult of all, you've been honest.
For whatever reason, you are going to have to assume that she isn't interested in anything other then friendship with you. Unless she says otherwise, go back to your plan of moving on.
Some girls are just jealous of their friend’s boyfriends. Some girls just perceive that them as a threat to the friendship even though they feel nothing but friendship. God knows I felt that way throughout much of high school. I didn’t have a crush on my female friends, but I did resent the fact they the first person they called would be the guy, and not me.
Most people also like to feel desired. Even if they don't want the person, it feels good to know they are foremost in someone else's mind and will do things like drop hints, if they feel the attention might be wandering.
It's rather selfish, and most people don't do it on purpose, but it does happen.
So consider her a friend, treat her as a friend, and politely ignore her 'hints'. You gave her a chance to be totally honest with you, and she has decided not to respond. That's fine, but you don't need to sit around and wait. Do what you want too; forget about worrying what she wants until she tells you.
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i think your friend its affraid to say she feels the same way cause it might seem to you like"ok you like me , and i like you back ,lets be together " i think she's confuced about how she feels and she's been avoiding this, i think it is better for you to ask her persoanlly whats going on, because if she feels confuse shes not going to face the situation by herself , talk to her and see how she reacts, but don't pressure her to decide her answer :)
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7 years is a long time to hold something that important in. I think you should ask Lara if you guys can do something after class(dinner, cup of coffee, etc.), or talk for a few minutes after if she has something else she has to do. Its good that you have tried to move on from after she told you she didn't feel the same way... But now it sounds like you're making her jelous by being with other people. She may be starting to have unexplained feelings for you now and doesn't really understand it, herself. She may be undecided on if she should act upon her impulses or not. Either way, you need her to give you an answer for how she has been acting, because you need to know how she feels, and why she feels the way she does.
I think it may be stressing you a little, and go get an answer will relieve your mind. Ask her in person, but not in class or in front of tons of people. Tell her you're confused and you're her friend and you wish to know what's going on.
As for if she does like you and by some chance you get together or you get with someone else...
You must have some sort of self-confidence and self worth for someone to see that you are of worth. It shines through you and radiates and when you're confidant it attracts people; they feed off that positive energy. If you haven't gone to counseling yet, you might want to go every couple weeks or so to help relieve tention, stress, or even just to talk about how you feel about life. You can gain back a lot of confidence.
No matter what happens though, try to remain close to your friends. Don't do anything that may wound your friendship. It sounds like you guys have a tight-knit relationship and it would be sad to see that split.
Much love & Best wishes.
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