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Girlfriend
me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 7 months, we've never really "gone at it" like fought fought, with screaming and yelling.
well im 15, turn 16 in march and theres kid that i DO NOT like who's 16 and drives. he drives her everywhere with her friends, and only once has he drivin her anywhere alone (which was from her practice to her house, and she called me once she got home).
he doesn't like me either, long story there but its irrelevant. so me going with her anywhere in that same car is out of the question.
i'm not going to lie i'm extremely jealous, and i feel like...worthless? because if she gets stuck anywhere, she has to call him to pick her up. and he's not a good driver, infact, i've heard of several "just missed" happenings with him. and my girlfriend was in the car.
His cars an old beat up ford contour, and i have a nice 98 camaro. minor relief there.
but once again, who's 16 and has a license.
is it ok to be pissed?
how should i explain how this makes me feel to my girlfriend? I've tried before and failed miserably.
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Hell yeah it's okay to be pissed I don't blame you for being mad.The things you should tell your girl is that you don't like the fact that she is driving with a guy that doesn't drive good but badly,you're worry for her safety,that it puts you down when everytime she would go in his car,it makes you feel really bad,that it should be you,that if she should put herself in your shoes,that you are telling her this for good reasons such like that you care about her a lot,she means the world to you,that you are only trying to be honest,and that if something was bothering her that you would like her to let you know,and that you would try to understand her just as you want her to with how you're feeling about all this.
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When I was 16, I got my license. lol Anyway, I'm sure you have a permit, right? Well it's before long until you and your gf can hang out together. In the mean time you can rely on your parents a little more when you guys want to go somewhere. I would definitely try to tell her again how you feel. I understand why you're jealous about someone else driving YOUR gf and her calling him when she needs a ride. Sometimes trying to do something once doesn't always work out and may take more than one try. Give a little more effort and let your gf know how you feel about this situation. And if you have a strong relationship which I believe so since you've been together for 7 months, she should understand. =] I hope I helped. Let me know what happens, please? Take care. I hope everything goes well!
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It's always 'okay' to a feel a certain way. You can't control your feelings, but before you act on them you have to ask yourself if your expectations are reasonable or not.
You can express your feelings to your girlfriend just the way you expressed your feelings here. It sounds like you have tried, and have spoken to her about this. You may try asking her to ‘just listen’ and not argue and defend because you need to be certain that she has heard you out on this subject even if she doesn’t agree.
What you also need to recognize is just because you *feel* a certain way, doesn't mean she must change her behavior. If she is comfortable in a car with him, despite his ‘near misses’ getting into that car is her choice to make. If she wants to maintain a friendship with him despite you two not getting along, that is also her choice. You can’t tell her not too, and your feelings might not be enough of a reason to make her choose differently. You have said yourself, that her other choices for transportation are limited.
Choosing to continue to accept rides from this guy, even alone, doesn’t make her an evil person or means she doesn’t understand your feelings.
The problem with ‘explaining our feelings’ is often what we often really want is for the other person to start to feel the same way and change. That rarely happens. Her feelings are just as ‘okay’ as any of yours.
So what do you do?
One: Stop expecting her to change. Respect her right to choose, even if you don’t agree with her choice, and trust her to be true to you. If she didn’t want you, she wouldn’t be with you. If you can’t trust her, you shouldn’t be with her.
Two: Take responsibility for your own behavior. Feelings are never ‘wrong’ so jealousy is perfectly okay as a feeling, but when it makes someone say things like “Never speak to that person ever again!” or “I can’t stand it when you are alone with that person!” it becomes not okay. That isn’t just jealously, that is distrust and that is controlling.
Explain your worry and your frustration at not being able to provide for her and your concern with her safety. Even explain your jealousy and dislike for this person. Tell her how it makes you feel, just don’t expect her to share all your feelings or to change. You can respect another person’s feelings without agreeing with or letting them guide you.
For instance, I deeply respect my mother’s opinion that I shouldn’t be sexually active, but I am, and I won’t stop it just because of her feelings on the subject. I also respect a friend’s dislike and choice not to be around my boyfriend, obviously I don’t agree with her feelings, but I still acknowledge them and don’t force her to do something she doesn’t want too.
You can’t control your girlfriend. You can only be clear and honest with her.
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In health class, I recently read the line "Every feeling is reasonable simply because they are uncontrollable responses to previous events." That line helps me with everything when I feel stupid for being jealous, or when i feel pathetic for feeling sad over a silly little thin. So yes, you ahve every right to be jealous. Shes your girlfriend tagging around with this older guy all the time.
Now, the thing is you need to let your girlfriend know how you feel like you mentioned. I'm sure you want to sound macho and tough, or maybe I'm just being stereotypical ;] but hey I'll give it my best shot.
" *insert her name her*, I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty jealous about you always being around *his name here* I know he can drive and whatnot, but your my girlfriend, I love the fact that you are because it means that you're mine. I understand the he's your friend and all, but I just think this guy is pretty sketchy. It'd be cool if we could work something out about this"
If its clear that she's somewhat happy about the fact that she's made you jealous, you have a bigger problem on your hands. Just remember, in love .. if one of the two are trying to make the other jealous on purpose, it won't work out. Just talk it out and don't feel guilty about your emotions.
Good Luck<3
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