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Sex Sex Sex
I've been dating this guy for about 5 weeks. He's really great and I trust him. So far all he's done to me is under the shirt and on top of the pants. I've done more to him, but we haven't had sex.
I have this problem where absolutely NOTHING will go in my vagina. It's not a "relax" type of thing, I'm doing everything the right way and it won't budge. Finger, tampon, NOTHING. The hole is just too tight or something. I try and try and it doesn't work. I try to relax, use lube, and use my finger to try to get myself used to it, but even if I almost get it in there, my fingernails scratch me, so I just stop.
This Saturday we are going to be at a hotel and we'll be alone for a few hours. I plan on letting him finger me...or at least let him try to. I know that if I didn't have this pain problem, I would have already had sex with my boyfriend. I have a friend that had the same problem and she told me how bad it hurt when she finally did it. Needless to say, I'm scared to death. I don't think I'll ever be anymore ready than this. I just want to get it over with, but I don't want it to be a totally horrible experience. Any thoughts?
Also, I'm completely paranoid about EVERYTHING about myself. Before I started kissing guys, I was paranoid about my breath. If a guy were to touch my leg, I'd be paranoid about them not being perfectly smooth. If my boyfriend pulls my shirt up and puts his hands under there, I'd be paranoid about not being super toned and skinny. And it's not that my boyfriend makes me feel that way, I'm ALWAYS like that. Most of this I've gotten over eventually with him, but when sex comes into the picture, there's a whole other mess of things to be paranoid about:
-I'm going to shave because I know most guys prefer that. It's not a big deal the first time, but afterward I have major problems with cutting myself, no matter what I do.
-The smell down there. I know it's never going to smell like flowers, and I definitely shower daily and all that, but I know I'm going to be totally paranoid about it.
-Again, the weight thing. I don't want to be naked around anyone. I'm way too self conscious. Plus, I'm really self conscious about my boobs. They aren't awful, but they aren't exactly symmetrical either. Is keeping my bra on out of the ordinary?
-I don't think I get as wet as most girls. I eventually do, but it takes a long time. I don't want to be one of those dried up girls I hear so much about, and I don't want to bring lube into it because that would be embarrassing. I know all about lubricated condoms, but what about his fingers? Plus, I'll be scared, so that'll bring the wetness down even more. Is there anything I can do about that?
I know people are going to say it just doesn't seem like I'm ready, but this is who I am and always have been, and it's not going to change until I just dive in and face my fears. I just need some thoughts or ideas that could help me out.
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As you said people will naturally assume you aren't ready because of your anxieties, but to me you just seem like a naturally anxious person(no offense, I'm that way too :P) so I'll help you any way I can.
Having an ultra tight vagina is not totally uncommon, though it can cause problems the first time. Its something I've read about and not experienced(I read a lot of weird articles XD) but I also have some friends who are that way.
I will say straight up that I am a virgin. That doesn't mean I can't help you, I just want you to understand that some of the things I say are not first hand knowledge, but rather things the older and/or more experienced women in my life have told me mixed with things I've read and talked about with my peers. Just a heads up.
From what I've been told losing your virginity normally isn't excruciating. On a scale of 1 - 10(10 being about to pass out and die and 1 being stubbed toe) my friend said it was like a 3 or a 4. She was fairly tight too(Though not as much as you I don't think - she could use ultra light tampons). The pain won't kill you but it WILL hurt. No virgin should expect an orgasm on her first try at intercourse(With no outer stimulation). Most of the time it just doesn't happen, and on top of that a good percentage of women can't orgasm at all with only penetration.
You might also bleed a little. No cause for panic or anything, and not really anything to stop for.
Now for your list :)
1. Most guys DO prefer shaved, but most also don't
mind hair as long as they aren't navigating a forest, you know? If you're afraid you will hurt yourself the second time around when its short just let it grow out to a reasonable length until you can do it again. As long as its not bushy :P
2. There are different kinds of vaginal fluids. The normal kind that keeps women moist is usually the smellier kind. Its what keeps your vagina clean. I recall my health teacher saying the vagina was like a self cleaning oven in the way that it does this :P it may not smell the best but it does the job. The other kind is your natural lubrication. This generally doesn't smell bad, and its a lot cleaner and clearer than other vaginal discharges. I suggest that you use the bathroom before anything really happens and clean up :) heck, use(a very small amount) of soap if it is really bothering you. Then once you start with foreplay you will have only the cleaner less smelly fluid to deal with.
3. There is nothing wrong with keeping your shirt or bra on during sex. He can't force you to take it off and its not entirely unheard of. The only thing you should be concerned with your first time is YOUR comfort. He should understand that :) just tell him it would make you comfortable. And my boobs aren't exactly symmetrical either. Its totally normal and fairly common.
4. I suggest you plan a date for your first time(assuming you haven't already done it at the hotel((This question showed up early sunday)) in which case most of this advice will be wasted). That way having lube around won't be awkward - just prepared. I understand how having a mini bottle of lube randomly in your purse may be a little weird XD.
I hope this reached you in time :) good luck!
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Well you really don't sound comfortable. I had those problems too. You just need to take it slow. It's only been 5 weeks. Don't you think you should wait a little longer so you can feel comfortable with him? It will be worth it. I was really self conscious of my body too. But I just pushed it aside and soon got comfortable with the idea of being naked. You need to be comfortable and relaxed or everything will go wrong.
Every girl is tight, that's why you need to take it slow by masturbating or letting him finger you. Of course, you'll need to be relaxed and enjoy making out. Try not to think about him fingering you. The more you are into making out, the more wet you'll become. Of course you can bring lube. Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him about your problem about being tight. Also, if you plan to loosen yourself with fingering.. you may need to trim your fingernails. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand and take it slow. The more you are open to him, the more things fall into place.
I took it slow with my boyfriend and my first time.. honestly.. didn't hurt. We talked about these things and I told him that I'll let him know that I'm ready. Let him finger you when you are ready for it and continue to do so for a few weeks until you can handle 2 fingers or 3. It does help, believe me. Remember to talk to him and tell him to either stop or slow down, you know?
You shouldn't rush yourself into doing things because you'll find that it may hurt you. I've had so many friends of mine go through this. Waiting isn't all that bad. If your boyfriend calls you a prude, he isn't even worth your time.
You can change. You just need to work on your confidence. Doesn't your boyfriend make you feel beautiful? Doesn't he tell you sweet things? Believe in those, believe that you are beautiful around him. Don't care about what you think. It takes time but now I'm finally okay being naked. Since it is ONLY him looking. And you know, I doubt he will want to keep that bra of yours now. It's boobs, I don't think he will notice the shape or anything.. I'm sure he will be busy touching :]
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