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player or perfect!?
this is a complicated situation, and goes for a while but please any advice is greatly appriciated.
I've known this guy for a while now, and originally we were only just mates. We used to hang out a fair bit & chat pretty often. I never thought of him as someone that i could have any potential feelings for and those kind of thoughts never crossed my mind. Reflecting back on it i guess we used to flirt a fair bit, but i never really thought about it in that way.
Then out of no where one night we kissed, he made all the moves and kind of just came on really strong. I didnt bother me but it was just really unexpected and weird. I realised after i had kissed him the first time that i actualy kinda did have a thing for him. My best friend said she saw it coming a mile away. Ever sinse then we started kissing on a regular basis, except for the fact that he was uneasy about the differences in our age, him being 20 and me being 16. I know that sounds like its such a big gap, but it really doesnt feel like that and we get along really well.
The more i saw of this boy, the more and more intrested i became in him, and im never one to develop feelings for people, or put myself in a position to be hurt, but with him everything seemed different.
I go to an all girls private school, and everything at my school gets blown about 100 times out of proportion. As soon as i started seeing this guy all the girls at my school seemed suddenly really interested in him, talking about him alot in front of me, and going out of their way to catch up with him & see him.
It never really bothered me until they started saying things to him about me, just that i was "super keen" and that i seemed to really like him.
One night when all of the girls were at a party and he was there too, and i couldnt make it for some reason, he was apparently "all over" a girl in my friendship circle. Nothing happened apparently, but even now its still a bit of a grey area. The next day i had my 2 best mates ringing me up telling me about how dodgy the whole situation had looked & how this girl had been saying she wanted to kiss the boy id been with. I was a bit annoyed aboutt he whole thing, but thort it wait until i spoke to the boy before i said anything to anyone, kinda just to hear both sides of the story.
When i approached the situation with the boy he got all defensive, telling me that hes been friends with girls all his life, and hes not gonna change the way he interacts with them because of my insecurities. He bascially flipped his lid at me and told me that i needed to not listen to anything that "my stupid friends" told me because they were obviously over exagerating. i let it all slide but later that day he sent me a really indepth text msg telling me that maybe we should just be friends until "those around us" settle down and stop causing trouble.
i took the news really hard, and struggeled heaps to get over him. I didnt really no what id done wrong because everything seemed to be going so well. We decided to just be friends and he thort that i was fine with that, but i was really upset and had alot of trouble seeing him in social situations. All of my friends new how hard id took it and were really good about the whole thing. I was eventually getting over him when i saw him one night out in town (nightclub) i felt so confident around him and didnt even get the whole butterfly in the stomach feeling. I kissed another really nice boy that night and thort that it was the last id have to worry about the first guy. The next day i started getting attention off him again, him sending me txt msgs telling me how great i looked the night before and that he hopse i had an ok night etc.
from there onwards we have been talking heaps as i presumed as just good friends like we usd to be before the whole "fling" happened.
The other night he invited me over to his house to watch a movie and hang out I went around with no intentions, but he ended up kissing me. I knew the whole time that it was happeneing that it was the wrong thing and i shouldnt be putting myself in the situation i was in but i couldnt help it. The next day he sent me a msg telling me that his mum had liked seeing me again, and thort i looked as "stunning as ever" and that he was sorry if he came on too strong, he just couldnt resist.
The weekend after he aledgedly spent the night with the girl who had tried to kiss him ages ago (the one that was all over him the night i wasnt there) and naturally my school made the rumours about 100 times worse. I felt really hurt and used seeing as he had kissed me only a couple of days earlier and had been calling me and msging me all week. I came the conclusion that he was just playing me and to steer clear, but that night he came over to my house pleading me to understand that it wasnt true and that he would never do that to me.. making out like i had some reason to be mad, like we had been something serious or something. I accepted his apology and sinse then we have basically been kissing regulary again, but this time more secretive so less people will get involved and talk about it.
I dont no whether he has any real feelings for me or if hes just going to play me all over again, but i dont really no what to do about getting an answer to this whole situation. I know that if i want to protect myself i should just steer clear all together, but i have such strong feelings for him i am just hoping that this time he treats me a bit better and understands what i want. i really dont no what to do!
sorry this has been so long, but i just thort it would be easier to explain everything this way!!
please help me, would be much appriciated, i will rate highly for any attempt!!
regards,
steph x
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It kinda sounds like he only has feelings for you when it's conveinant for him. When you got more attention from another guy, he suddenly came in all lovey lovey again? But then when things were finally getting back to normal, he does stuff with other girls? It sounds to me like when you're there, he's the sweetest but when you leave you're just a grain of sand on the beach to him, not even considering you when he does stuff with other girls. If you honestly think that if you end up staying with this guy as more than a friend is what is best for you and that you think you guys have potential and you can look at a year from now and still see you two together, then tell him that you want to try and if he wants to too, then he has to stop fooling around with other girls. But if he can't give up his flirtatious ways for you, then you deserve better anyways. And whatever you decide, don't tell people because it's none of their business. Let them find out on their own, because the more people that know, the more rumors start. And if everyone ends up finding out and rumors are overflowing then clear it up with him first and ask him to do the same so you don't get mad at one another for a stupid lie. Good Luck!
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Stop worrying about him playing you all over again: He is probably playing you right now.
The secretiveness, the guilting you, the grand apology that implies so much more then he has ever actually said, all of this perfectly engineered to keep you holding on without actually giving you any real promises or actual relationship status.
Right now he is keeping everything you do very no strings attached PLUS he is keeping it on the down low to 'avoid rumors'. Well, rumors only exist when people think there is someone worth telling. If they think he is nothing to you, people are less likely to tell you if/when he fools around.
He isn't trying to take it slow, he trying to keep you in the dark about his behavior.
If you want anything more from a romance then causal hook ups then this is probably not the guy.
Trust your gut.
It is screaming at you that this guy is not on the level. Maybe he really didn't do anything wrong, but your heart is telling you he isn't trustworthy and he isn’t a good match for you.
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Well it sounds like all the girls you talk about are just jelous..big time! Im not saying this is definatly true, but thats what it seems. It sounds like this guy really likes you and when he told you he just wanted to be friends, and you weren't around, i think he realised how much he actually likes you.Im not saying he didnt kiss the other girl or anythin, im just saying i think he realised he made a mistake. I think you should hang in there a while, see how things go. If he starts messing with other girls again then i think maybe you should end it with him for good, show him that he cannot play you. However, if he doesn't mess with other girls, then you have found yourself a great guy ;) Hope i helped =] x x
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hey
sweetie, i'm really sorry to tell you this. i know how much you liked him & how hard it was to get over him the second time, but he is playing with you.
that girl, who he was supposedly messing with "the other night" - he's probably messing with her too. he probably has each of you as the "rebound" girl to always have a female companion. it's like, a "back-up" plan, sort of, if one of the girls dumps him / whatever.
you cannot continue the relationship with him. you're simply going to continue getting hurt. you should have dropped him the first time he said, "let's be friends" because he was just using that as an excuse because, at the time, he probably digged the other girl. when he came back to you, he didn't mean it.
look, the beginning parts of the relationship were probably fine until that other girl came around. he became interested, and didn't want to hurt you AT THE TIME. everything after that is all him lying.
you need to dump him. i know, i know it will be hard & it will take time, but that's the best thing for both of you. you probably won't be able to carry on a friendship after you break up with him, but that's okay because he didn't even deserve you in the first place.
i'm sorry that happened to you.
feel free to inbox me if you have anymore questions / comments / concerns.
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