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my mom is so unfair!
i get really mad at my mom sometimes. like today, my friend came over since she had to borrow a cup of baking soda since they were baking cookies. they're more of family friends, so we visit each other alot. she invited me to come over there too, and i got all ready and stuff. i cleaned my room, took a shower, and i've been doing lots of things like helping with my baby brother, and stuff like that. and then i asked my mom if i could go to their house after doing all that and she said NO! im freaking 13 years old in a nice suburban neighborhood where nothing bad like ever happens. its daytime and people are outside like mowing their lawns, walking with dogs, riding their bikes, normal stuff like that. and my mom still says NO! alot of times when i wanna go over she says no and i ask why and she never tells me why! shes sleeping right now since she works at night. before she asked like what if something bad happened to me.. what the heck? ive been allowed to go all around my neighborhood since i was like 8 years old, but it feels like now that im 13, she has to be more protective over me? what the heck? i tried everything and she was really mad at me when i kept asking her to go. i hate this she never explains why! also for sleepovers its the same. she thinks "something will happen to me". i mean im not retarded, something could, but i dont want to waste my whole childhood without going to one of my friend's sleepovers (she doesnt want one at our house either, cause she doesnt want responsibility over other peoples kids.. i mean its not like we're gonna go burn the house down!) but shes like "no, cuz its her african custom". my dad says the same too. its soo retarded. i mean we can only sleep over at family's houses so thats not really like a sleepover im thinking of. anyway, on the subject how can i get her to trust me more? im a smart girl and my friend lives near, in my neighborhood, like 3 minutes away from my house by foot, about. and i really wanted to help them make the cookies.. geeeez. lots of kids my age visit their friends all the time but my mom just wants to confine us in our house alot!! i hate that. i barely ever get to visit my friends or go out with them to places like the movies, bowling, the mall, etc. UGHHH i cant even go on vacations on them, or to theme parks with them and their family! i mean family is good too but im just really really pissed right now cause im freaking bored.
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You mentioned it was her "African custom" and I'm not familiar with the custom or why, but....
....You need a sit-down with both your mom and dad and have a serious discussion.
Tell them you need to speak to them both (that'll get their attention!)...
...Explain to them that you are a good girl, good daughter, (hopefully with good grades, etc.) and 13 now, not 7.
...Explain that you've taken on more responsibilities at home with chores and siblings, therefore, you want more rewards and freedoms...
...Explain that you have a couple of close friends (hopefully they know them well enough) and would appreciate and enjoy spending the night at her house and visa-versus, occassionally. Tell them they are more than welcomed to call her parents and talk to them, ensuring it is legitimate and have their permission, and that her parents will be home the entire time to supervise you. And that while you and your friend want to bake cookies, there are teens out there in the world that are running around without supervision doing drugs, etc. and all you want is to bake cookies, watch a movie, play video games, etc. with your friend while her mom is home supervising you both!
...Offer a "check-in" time to either call home periodically, or have your friend's mom to call your mom to update her that you are there and she is still supervising you.
...Ask them what they want and expect for you to be able to do this, that makes them feel secure with it. Then arrange that.
Take baby steps first, accepting what little they allow, prove yourself and giving them time to realize it's okay, then later, ask for another "deal" since you've proved your trustworthiness to them.
(Also tell your friend's mom about how your parents feel and their conditions to the sleep-over so she can abide by the rules for you.)
In negotiating the new deal with your parents, be sure to make them understand that you don't expect this to be given freely, but you want to earn the priveledge(s). Passify them, humble yourself, and above all-- don't whine, threatened, stomp around demanding and DO NOT compare yourself with everyone else and them with everyone elses' parents. That'll piss them off.
Remain calm and humble, but reasonable with your negotiations.
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First of all, I'm pretty offended by the way you use the word "retarded". It's not very nice to say at all & I'd appreciate it if you used it sparingly in the future.
As for your question:
I'm grounded throughout the summer. But I pretty much deserved it, I guess. [Parents are not happy when you pierce your lip without their knowledge, especially if it wasn't done by a professional]. So I pretty much am going through what you are.
My parents are really overprotective, not to mention my mom's paranoia about me getting kidnapped, raped, drugged, drunk, killed, pregnant, smoking, doing drugs, drinking, etc, etc, etc. I've only had like 4 sleepovers at my house & all 4 of those times was only because it was my birthday. I've slept over at like 3 people's houses and that's about it. But you'll learn that sleepovers aren't that important in life.
As for going over to friends houses...
Well, you should bring your friends over to your house as much as possible and have them suck up to your parents so that in the future, your parents would like them. Also have their parents meet your parents out of coincidence & your parents just might put more trust in your friend[s] and the family. My mom never really liked me going to friends' houses unless she did this FBI background check on them, lol. Point out the pluses for each friends and tell her that you're not going to land yourself in jail, abortion clinics, or underground covered in dirt.
As for going out to different places:
Make sure you ensure your mom that you'll be going with a group of people [4-5 including yourself] That might reassure her a little. Or have someone's older sister/brother that's responsible follow you guys [& agree to have the person ditch you guys when you actually get to the destination] Hmm, your last option is to have someone's parents follow you guys...
Make a pact with her that if you get into any trouble of any sort, she can take away your privilege of going over to someone's house, vice versa, or going out somewhere with friends for a month [or whatever time period you choose] & that if you clean your room & help out in the family & do whatever else you have to do, you should be allowed to go out with friends and blah blah.
~Emily
15/f
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