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Advice on getting my ex-boyfriend involved with his child
My ex-boyfriend of more than 3 years really isn't sure he wants to be involved in our unborn daughters life [due nov. 4th]...i really wish he would be because i would hate for her to miss out on anything like this...i want her to have a father...even if he and i are not together...i really need advice on what to do and tell him to convince him that being involved in her life is the right thing to do and that we need to think of our daughter regarless or our situation...we've talked about this extensively but he is still unsure...i really want my daughter to have her father...please what can i do??? help....
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oh my god!what kinda "man" is he?!he just screws you and forgets about the consenquences?ok you gotta tell him that hes gotta be a man and finish what he started and take care of his daughter too because if he dont and if anything bad happens to her in the future,itll be rubbed in his face!
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Hi,
Well it amazes me that men like him have the audacity to assume they should have the luxury of being able to make that choice. You as the mother do not have that luxury and he is equally responsible for the conception of this child as you are!
Unfortunately however no one can force him to take any interest in your daughters life but what I would say is this: I think you overestimate how useful this mans involvement would be - to be blunt so far all he has done has shown himself to be a complete moron and secondly you underestimate how well you can do bringing this child up without his help. I don't for one moment disagree with you that in an ideal world a Childs biological farther will be there to bring up his child but it sounds to me as if you have exhausted all efforts and now the balls in his court.
If he does decide he does not want to play a part in your daughters life now, at some point in the future when she is older (and he is older and hopefully wiser) he may well wish to make-amends - and then will come the day he has to look his own child in the eye and explain why he abandoned her, why he was uninterested in her - meanwhile you'll be able to look her in the eye and you and she will both know you've always been there to hold her, protect her and love her and not for a second did you ever question if you 'wanted to be part of her life or not'!
Your ex-boyfriend is a disgrace and a yellow livered coward and as for you - your going to be a fantastic mom!
The very best of luck now and for the future, take care of your-self and your doughter.
Best wishes
Chandler
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First of all, how can he be your ex-boyfriend of more than 3 years and still be the father of your unborn daughter?!
I think there is probably more to your story than you are letting on. I think that deep down you would like nothing more than for you to all live together happily ever after, I really hope it does.
The one thing that I have learnt from my own experience is that you CANNOT push anyone into doing anything that they don't want to do.
You say you have talked extensively, what about? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to be a part of her life? Maybe he is scared of being a failure as a father, when I told my partner that I was pregnant he went crazy! He said he wasn't ready and he didn't want anything to do with her and that I should get rid of her because we couldn't afford to raise a child. Then he went on saying that he didnt want any harm to come to me so I should have a termination.
It was all because he was scared, infact no, he was absolutely TERRIFIED!!
Being a father, or a mother is one of the most huge responsibilites a human can have. The thought that you are responsible for EVERYTHING that little bundle needs can be overwhelming, especially if your relationship is not the most stable anyway.
I think the best thing you can do for the moment (this is what I did) is back right off and let him come to you. (And he will, out of curiosity if nothing else)
When my partner saw Lola, our daughter, for the first time he just burst into tears and couldn't believe that had had helped make her, and despite saying all the stuff he said previously he is now absolutley besotted with her and completely dotes on her.
Just hang in there and I'm sure in time he will come round.
If you want to chat then send me a private message and I'll send you my e-Mail.
Take Care
Mel
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