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I like my best friend's bf


Question Posted Thursday July 5 2007, 4:43 pm

I really like my best friend Jacey's boyfriend, Tom, So what do I do?

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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


-nikki- answered Saturday July 7 2007, 9:10 pm:
i think you should find a way to get over him .. other than that im not completely sure i will think it about it and get back to you ..

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kiran answered Thursday July 5 2007, 7:14 pm:
She is your best friend and well would you want to lose a best friend and MAYBE get the guy. You can tell her but it might not be that safe, yes best friends tell each other everything but sometimes it might be ok to hold it in. If they do break up wait a little, it would be hard on both of them at the moment after awhile Jacey deserves to know (if you still like him) and you might get the guy. But don't mess around with that right now it can cause some things that you don't want in your life.

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Xenolan answered Thursday July 5 2007, 6:17 pm:
Best friends' boyfriends are off-limits. To consider him otherwise would be disrespectful to your friend.

The sole exception to this rule is if you feel you are truly in love with him - not wow-he's-cute love, but genuine I-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-him love. If that is the case, then you need to tell your friend about it - and be prepared to lose her over it.

That's what's at stake if you pursue this guy in any way. That's what your risking if you reveal your feelings. It's not worth it for "really like".

Now, depending on how strong Jacey and Tom's relationship is, and depending on how close you are with Jacey, it might be safe to tell her about your feelings for him even if it's not real love. That's a judgment call that only you can make. But err on the side of caution! In an ideal world, friends can tell each other anything, but we live in reality and she could be seriously upset by such a revelation. Consider very carefully whether it's best to spill the beans or hold your tongue.

Real friends are few and far between. Think hard before you risk losing one.
__________________________

Further response, based on feedback:

If your attraction to Tom is something you told her about once before, then she is probably still aware of it. However, under such circumstances, it probably wouldn't hurt to tell her that your feelings haven't changed. Make sure you stress that you would never try to "steal" him away from her or otherwise stab her in the back, but that as a friend you feel that you need to be honest with her about this.

Best-case scenario: she decides that you and Tom makes more sense than Jacey and Tom, and essentially steps aside. Of course, don't forget that Tom also has a say in all this, and he may simply not feel the same way about you as you do about him.

Keep it honest, and keep it above board. No one should be able to blame you for having feelings. Actions are what count, and as long as you act honorably, you're being a good friend.

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killerface answered Thursday July 5 2007, 5:57 pm:
I agree with the person below me. If they break up, give them both some time to heal, and THEN, if you still like him, tell Jacey. She deserves to know.

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beckyboo answered Thursday July 5 2007, 5:55 pm:
Nothing. They're going out, and you can't do anything about it. Telling them would only cause unnecessary problems and awkwardness, and could hinder their relationship. Sorry =/

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