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Trouble with my sister
Ok well in my family to everyone it should be that the oldest sibling should be smarter then the younger one but the younger one should be better looking then the older one since they have mroe youth.
If it's reversed or something is messed up with that, it's sad, embarrassasing, or like a 'hah you suck' feeling.
Well after being depresed and out of therapy I've finally kinda worked a little bit with my looks and now everytime we have to go visit my relatives (which is once a week), the first thing they say to my little sister is HAH YOUR SISTER IS PRETTIER THEN YOU LOL YOU'RE UGLY!
which really upsets her and every time they do it I can see that she's really hurt and is about to cry.
Is there any advice you can give me? I wish I could say something helpful to her but I can't. I have a lot of friends but when they talk to me about their problems i odn't have anything motivative to say like CHEER UP! It's nto realyl in my nature.
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Wow, that really stinks that your relatives are doing that. They probably have no idea how badly they are hurting your sister. If I were you, I would talk to them about it. If it's too awkward to say it in person, write them a note. You could mention a recent remark and say something like, "Thanks so much for the compliment! It really makes me feel good! But I just wanted to let you know that I feel a little uncomfortable when you compare me to my sister in front of her. I'm sure you'd never mean to hurt her feelings, but I think it really makes her feel bad."
As for your sister... if she's feeling that she's ugly, try giving her some compliments every now and then, to boost her self esteem. Even a small compliment can really make someone feel good! Things like, "Your hair looks really pretty today" or "You look great in that color" or "Your eyes look so pretty." Do it out of the blue, so she doesn't think you're just saying it to make her feel better.
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I don't have much more to add, I just wanted to say that sdcutie717 gave you awesome advice for this. I don't always know how many people follow the advice here, so I think the best I can do with this is to back her up on her answer.
It feels horrible to have someone tell you that you're ugly. Your sister must feel aweful. There are a few things you can do (and should). First, as sdcutie717 said, reassure your sister and make sure she knows that she's beautiful just the way she is. Personality and looks. That she's just as pretty, important, and special as you are.
Then, not only should you just roll your eyes or play off what your family is saying/doing. You should correct them. Be polite about it, but make sure they know that their behaviour is not okay. It's possibly emotionally abusive to your little sister. They have no right to make her feel crappy about herself. She's got just as many feelings as others and it hurts just as much to have them stepped on.
Just give her a hug and tell her that your relatives have no idea what they're talking about. If you can work up the nerve to say something to them - do it while she's there. Then (if able to) you should take your sister and leave wherever they are. Tell them that you don't want to be around people who have nothing better to do than judge.
I may be overreacting, I'm not sure how serious the situation is. (Of course, it's always serious when you hurt somebody's feelings that way). Anyway, what you need to do is try to work up the nerve and say something to your family. Then of course make sure your sister feels loved and appreciated.
You're a good big sister, trying to look out for your little sister and do what's right. Be proud of that - if you stick up for your sister, she'll be proud of you and happy to be your sister.
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Well, first of all, It's ridiculous of your family to say that about your little sister. It's totally uncalled for. When they do it, just kind of roll your eyes at them and don't go along with it. Just kind of look at your sister and roll your eyes so she knows that you don't really agree with what they are saying.
If you can say something to your sister, it would be really helpful. Just tell her, "They don't know what they are talking about" say something encouraging, like "My looks changed a lot as I got older. They are probably only saying that because I look more mature." Assure her that she is pretty and highlight her other traits that are positive. That kind of abuse, especially from your own family, can really leave a mark on a person for the rest of their life. I know that it might be hard for you to say something to her, but your support would really help. You need to talk to her. It's more important than you might think.
Good Luck.
Sarah
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