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I NEED HELP BY TODAY!!!!!
i'm sorry if this is long, but i really, really would appreciate some help because i'm going bananas....
ok, i'm trying to remain calm while writing this because i'm about to scream at the top of my lungs. My boyfriend and I have been together for more than three months. We are very, very close. We talk on the phone every day, and pretty much he is my best friend and I love him so much. But, he can be very forgetful, and I know that he doesn't do it maliciously because his mom and I talk too, and she tells me how forgetful he can be. he does not have a good memory according to his sister, his mother, and his friends. So, pretty much, I believe it if that many people are saying the same thing.
Now, I have to start from my first encounter with a boy to really send this message accross. I was thirteen years old when I had my first "encounter" or first started talking to a boy. I really liked him, and this is such a special time in a girl's life. My mom completely had to take over. I guess me going to an all girls school has something to do with it. But, whenever I went on the computer to talk to him, she would follow me into the room, sit next to me, and bring in the entire family into the room to tell me everything to write to him and when I didn't write what they wanted, they would start screaming at me, doors would slam, and you get the idea. I'm not exaggerating, this is just how it happened. Well, he got away all thanks to her just because she liked his best friend better for him. so keep all this in mind
ok, so my boyfriend the other day forgot our anniversary and I was really, really upset about it. But, he felt so bad and he was even like almost crying. So, I felt kind of bad. But, I forgave him because I remembered that he was forgetfull. But, on Wednesday, his sister, whos visiting from colleage, invited me to go to their beach apartment (we live in miami), and she told me to save the date. But, yesturday he didn't call me to give me the address of the apartment. I don't want to call him anymore, I want him to call me, but what should i do.... i need a really good solution and right now honesty is NOT the best policy. He needs a wake-up call and someone has to call him, preferrably a guy, and tell him that he likes me or something. He needs to feel jealousy, rage, and want to keep me away from them. I just need a plan...... BY TODAY!!
Now, back to my mom. All she does is bother me and tell me that he's cheating on me because he didn't call me for one day, and tell me all this stuff and telling me that these are signs of resentment, and i'm done following her advice!! She ruined everything with my first guy, and she's divorced.... so she thinks she knows everything about men, but not all men are the same, people are very different and show things differently, and I don't want her advice on this. I don't want another episode of last time, so I really need your help..... please and thank you
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You're not going to like my advice, but I hope you're mature enough to read all the way through before making any snap judgments about what I'm gonna say. You and your mom sound like you're at extreme opposites concerning this situation - you're being way too naive and optimistic, and your mom is being far too judgmental and pessimistic. Somewhere in the middle lies the truth, and that's where I come in.
Your boyfriend doesn't have a bad memory - he's lazy. I've known a million guys like him, and that's always their excuse to not put any effort into anything. I'm sure his mother and sister and everyone else agrees because before he lied and told you that, he lied and told them that as well. In fact, he's probably used it as an excuse so much by now that he truly believes it himself. You don't have to buy it or let him get away with it.
I promise you that there will come a time when there's something he TRULY wants to remember, and he's not going to have ANY problem remembering. When/if you confront him about it, he'll make another excuse and try to specify what he meant about being forgetful. It'll be something like "well, I'm just bad with anniversaries and birthdays..." Uh-huh. Like that excuse hasn't been used a million times before by like every guy ever.
So what you need to do is call him on it. Yes, I know you've been dating for more than three months and he's the love of your life and yada yada yada, but if he can't remember one day for you then it's obvious you're not the love of his life. Tell him you DEMAND he make an effort to remember things, especially things that are important to you. Tell him that this is a deal breaker - something you simply won't put up with or it won't ever end.
In his defense, I don't know what kind of anniversary the two of you had to celebrate after dating for such a short amount of time, but if you thought it hurt then when he forgot, imagine how hurt you're gonna feel when he forgets your one year anniversary or your wedding anniversary, etc.. This guy doesn't need you setting him up to force him into giving a damn. You either need to step up and be honest with him or find someone else.
Don't waste your time trying to make him jealous. It's not likely to work, and if it does work, the effects will be short lived. You can't make him care about stuff enough to remember, but you can have an honest discussion with him and tell him what you are and are not willing to put up with. Hopefully you respect yourself more than to put up with a guy like this. You've known yourself a lot longer than this guy, so put yourself first.
Oh, and finally, I'm not usually this blunt (OK, I am, but not usually on this advice column), but your mother seriously needs to get a life. I mean honestly, bringing the whole family into the room while you try to chat privately with friends? What the hell is that? This isn't Family Feud. There's no familial participation required. Doesn't your family have anything better to do? That's just odd. You definitely have my sympathies about this.
You need to sit down and have a calm, rational discussion with your mom about privacy and boundaries. Do it in a mature way and she will see that she's been selling you short and that you can handle some situations on your own. Unfortunately, she's crossing the line and making a bad situation for you even worse. Try hard to repair this relationship. Once things are running smoother here, things will run more smoothly in your personal life.
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alrighty then.. basically, you need to just tell your mom to butt out. it's gonna be hard for her because [im guessing] she doesn't want you to get hurt the way she did. about your boy. all boys are forgetful. it takes a while for them to remember things that are important to you. so right now, i'd say the jealousy thing, not such a good idea. i think YOU need to appraoch him and tell him that it's upsetting you that he doesn't remember. hell, even try buying him a cheap date book so he can write things down and will remember. cheesy, but if you want things done right, you're gonna have to show him how.
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I think you need to relax. Men are the most forgetful creatures on this earth. They really are. If my husband didnt live with me and I didnt bother him to call me all the time I'd probably never hear from him.
I understand about the whole thing, that girls what guys to call or guys are suppose to call first but in all reality they dont. Men dont worry about little details like women do.
Dont let your mom stress you out on things like this. But dont blame her bad advice on her devorce it might be a completly different story. My moms devorced and sometimes she gives me great advice and sometimes it's the worst advice in the world.
Pick up the phone and call him tell him you want to hear from him more, you want him to call you sometimes. If he really felt that bad about missing your anniversary then he will deffinetly feel bad about not calling you. Honesty is the best policy unless you want your relationship to end and not on good terms.
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