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i came to the fact god is not real. the only person who truly loved me is my dad, and he died. my moms totally obsessed with herself. my friends talk about me all the time and boys are total liars and use me. im 13, and im about to give up and kill myself. my teachers think im stupid. nothing goes right. its not fair. i often cry and beg for someone to just hold me when im alone. i really need that. i just dont know what to do and i dont want to go to a theripist
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When I was your age -- I was in <i>almost</i> that very same boat, and I sort of still am. As much as my parents try to fool me, I know the truth. They don't love each other, but they do love us, however. Some of my friends have backstabbed me & some are still going at it. Boys are icky & I can't stand them sometimes. My teachers even talk shit about me, and they don't think I've got potential. Sometimes things don't go how I want them to, and it pisses me off. I'm longing for love & someone to care about me. I don't like talking to strangers, so I would never see a therapist or a counselor, and suicide has crossed my mind several thousand times.
However, through all of that -- I've found a way out of that stupid depression & loneliness. I found friends who actually gave a shit about me, and friends who would save my life. Do you have friends like that? Although some "friends" may be running their mouths about you, I guarentee there will always be the one who cares about you like no other. Find a friend! There is always someone to talk to when you feel alone & they're usually the person you least expect. My friend Katina was always the one that I went to when I had a problem. I called her one time at three in the morning telling her I was done with my life & that I was about to end it. She however, talked me out of it. She told me everything I had going for me, and everything I could be living for. It took her til about 6am to convince me not to do anything to myself, but she never quit on me, and she was very successful with what she was doing. She's like my own personal therapist.
I realize that talking to someone might be a little out of whack & you don't want to do it, but it could be a big help. If there is no one you can talk to [friend/family member], then try seeing a therapist. Yes, the idea of talking to a complete stranger is a little weird, but they're there to help you come up with solutions to your problems & they're there to help you alltogether. It might take a few therapist to find one that you feel comfortable with though, however -- they will set you straight. They'll get you onto anti-depressants, and they'll talk with you. Trust me when I say, that talking things out makes you feel so much better.
My friend just died recently, so I've been talking to my friends as much as I could about it to help cope with the pain of a loss. They helped me so much and I've been getting my life back to normal slowly with baby steps. I'm not fully normal or functional, BUT I'm getting there, and I'm proud of myself for not doing my usual "I hate my life, I'm gonna kill myself" thing.
Whether you believe it or not -- there's a lot of things you can live for. Live for your father's soul & spirit. Although he's not living, live for him! He'd want you to keep going on without him. He wouldn't want you sad, and he wouldn't want you this way. He wants you to have fun, and smile & laugh. He doesn't wanna see tears or feel sadness.
If your teachers think you're stupid though -- fuck them! They're not doing their job & they're not good teachers. See if you can go to a different school & start over. Like a clean slate almost. Meet new people, try new things & get new teachers who aren't asses. I know life seems hard, but if you just stick it out, you'll see that it gets better & it's not as shitty as you think.
If you'd like to talk personally, all of my information is on my column so feel free to IM or E-mail me. I'd be glad to help you further. =)
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Sweetie, just because your life isn't the best it can be, doesn't mean God isn't real. This is just the life he picked out for you, and if you kill yourself, you'll miss out on all of the great things God has in store for you. Please don't give up hope. Really, you'll miss out on SO MUCH stuff. You'll be in heaven, watching everyone have a good time while you're stuck up there, doing absolutely NOTHING. So please, just don't kill yourself.
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I understand how you feel completely. I even agree with the whole god thing. But I don't believe you need god in your life to be happy.
I know how hard it is to loose someone you love. That's one of the wost things anyone can deal with and i'm sorry you had to go through this too espeicially at such a young age.
I don't know if anything I ever say would be able to help. But I believe in love. And I love you, even if you think it's impossible because I don't know you. I do. If you need a friend, feel free to message me.
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If I could send you an electronic hug I would. I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone in the world. Do you have a good friend that will give you the hug that you need? Yes it is easy to say go and see a therapist but sometimes it just doesn't go that way. There must be some sort of counsellor at your school that you could talk to or one of your teachers that you like. It may seem like your life is one great big miserable event, but I promise that it will get better. Nothing ever stays the same and one day you will look back and say that goodness that stage of my life is over and now I can get on with living.
If you find it difficult to talk to someone, please try writing everything you feel down on paper then destroy it. It may sound daft but it can work just by releasing some pent-up emotions. You Mum may be totally obsessed with herself because your Dad has died (I don't know if they were together or not at the time.) and she doesn't know how to grieve properly.
Please continue to "talk" to your Dad because I truly believe that the dead can hear you. Ask him for guidance and a sign that he is still with you. Look for anything out of the ordinary, for instance a white feather in a funny place, or a light going on or off on it's own - anything that seems different to normal.
Please, please truly believe that you are a worthy person going through a difficult time. Hold your head high and look the world in the face and you will feel that you are strong. Just get through the next five years until you are an adult, then you can live the life you want to. I am sending you all the good feelings I can. Take care.
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