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my little sister is so different and gloomy
i am 21/f. how every sister wants a younger sister to do hair and make up and just girl stuff with. my little sister is so different. i miss her when we were little. shes just such a gloomy and dark person now. i moved out and i live far away right when i turned 18. our family was always just so bad and mean. shes not old enough to move out shes 13. our mom wont let her even go stay with me fo a week end or even come see me i have to go there. it takes over an hour to drive there. we hate our mom shes even harder on my little sister than she was on me. i feel so sorry for her. i dont know what to do. she hates our mom...she wears dark clothes has a dark personality and wears dark and alot of makeup but when i wanted to do makeup for her she was just no... no... no... no... no... no... no. god shes so depressed. shes not girly anymore at all shes worse than anyone. shes so deppressed now and shes so sneaky now. i cant listen to her music,see who shes talking to,see her room,meet her friends,see her friends list on her phone. shes wanting death soon shes driving mee so crazy ill be wanting death. she denys everything. our mom gets on her about everything and she wont listen, well neither will my mom or my sister. she wont let her wear what she likes or talk to or listen to what she wants, although she does anyway i knew she would i would too our mom wont let her do squat,god. how do i help my sister, by just me and my sister or me and our mom, anything? although our mom wont listen. what do i do to help with any of this?
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If it's her style and interests that are changing, you're just going to have to accept the way she is and get to know her the way she wants to be now. She deserves space and acceptance and is obviously not getting that from your mother. If, on the other hand, you get the sense that her secrecy and seclusion are covering up something dangerous- depression, serious drug habits, suicidal tendencies, anything to that effect-- make sure that your mother is aware of it, and if she refuses to listen, tell somebody nearby like a school counsellor or doctor. Knowing what you do of your sister, you need to find out as much as you can about what's going on and through that what she needs.
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If your sister wants to be "dark" and "gloomy" for right now, then it's her choice. You can't really just ask her to not be like that anymore. Chances are, the more you tell her to do something, the more she is going to rebel and keep acting this way. The way she dresses and the music she listens to is completely her choice and you can't change it.
I think what your sister needs is a little space. From what you wrote above, it sounds like you're trying to hard to be friends with her, or to change her back into her previous self. If she doesn't want you to do her makeup or if she doesn't want to hang out with you, then don't ask her anymore. She has a problem that only she can solve for herself. Not you. Not your mom. Like I said, the more you bug her about it, the more she is going to rebel. For the time being, just try to give her some space and let her be who she is.
Maybe you could try calmly talking to her about this, and asking her if there's anything on her mind that she wants to talk about. Tell her you understand some of the things she may be going through because afterall, you were once her age and you also had to deal with your mother. Just Do NOT say something like, "What happened to you? You used to be so different." That is probably the worst thing you can say to her right now. Your sister needs someone to support her, and since your mom isn't supporting her, she needs you to.
If talking to your sister doesn't work, you need to talk to your mom. You're 21 years old, and you are an adult. Do not be afraid of your mom or think that she won't listen to you. As an adult living on your own, you should have the right to confront your mother about her behaivor. Tell your mom exactly how you feel, and if you think she's being too hard on your sister. If this does not work out, sugguest going to family counseling.
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Hmm...For one thing, maybe she likes dressing all dark and stuff. It is a big style now. But i dont know.
If she's depressed, you should see if you can get her to go to a therapist. That can really help someone a lot. Try taking her out to dinner or to do something fun to get you guys to talk. Just talk about light stuff and sort of bond a little bit. If shes trying to keep her friends and her life away from you, maybe hes hiding something bad. Maybe she's ashamed of who she hangs out with . I dont know. Just try talking to her but dont critisize her on the way she dresses or acts. just act like you love her the way she is and act like a sister!!
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I understand how you feel. You just gotta let her do her own thing and figure out who she is.. Lots of girls go through phases and stuff like this. If it continues for a longgg time try talking to her about it or write a letter and slip it in her room so she HAS to read it and understand how you feel.
Hope I Helped.
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