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I love your advice, so..
In December I was best friends with this guy. We're both 16, I'm a girl. Well we were really good friends, hung out everyday even if for 5 minutes, and called eachother everyday etc. He told me in January he liked me but decided he just wanted to be friends. Then he stopped talking to me. I was confused and hurt, after being with him everyday and talking to him, not talking/seeing to him at all was a total shock. Eventually I talked to him about it, and he said he still wanted to be friends/have a friendship. To me, it didn't seem like he was trying, and it still doesn't right now. I tell him exactly, directly, up front what I expect of him, which isn't much, and he never follows through. He calls maybe once every week, and only to ask if he's missed the bus. We hang out once a week, sometimes not at all. I guess I just really miss our old friendship and we've talked about it numerous times, I promise. And it seems while we're talking that he gets it, and the next day usually everything's so much better. But then he starts with his old habits again, and I don't know what to do! I guess I'm just asking did he give up trying to be my friend because he doesn't like me anymore? That's what it seems like to me, but I really need some thoughts here. It's been awhile since January, and I'm still confused why he seems to not be making an effort at this friendship. I'm really hurt, and just need help please.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hello.
Firstly I'm sorry it took a while to reply to you, I had been really caught up with some stuff over here. :[
Your problem sounds very much like one of my problems I had with a really close female friend. We were the best of mates and always hung out together and joked around and stuff and at one point she knew I liked her but she didn't feel the same and it was okay (even I had gotten over it) but then when she got a new bf things just changed (he didn't lke her hanging out with any of her male friends) and even after they broke up it's been the same - she would never call or txt or want to hang out anymore. In the end I just stopped calling her and such.
Aas for what's going on with your friend I really can't say what might be the problem. At first glance my answer would be that he probably just lost interest because you probably just wanted to be friends but it seems HE was the one who kept saying to you he only wants you both to be friends. :/ I'm not really certain what it might be. It could be that he lied about wanting to just be friends becuase he knew it was all you wanted or it might be as you said, that when he decided/realised he just wanted to be friends with you he's lost interest. It would seem the obvious reason he is acting the way he is. You said you've already spoken to him as well and there's only so many times you can talk to a person - and I think he's pretty much proved people just don't change very easily. :[
I know it's really hard - it was for me too when my friend I mentioned above just suddenly vanished for no reason at all. Friendships work the same way as relationships - there's give and take on both sides. I was the one who put all the effort into keeping in touch with her and trying to stay friends and she just never seemed to bother so I deleted her number from my phone and not tried to contact her since or heard anything from her. I moved on basicly and have new friends who I hang out with and such. None are like what I used to have with her as a friend but then I doubt anyone can really replace someone else, all we can do is just move on. I think maybe talking to him one more time about it might be a good idea. Like asking him what's going on because he seems so different from before (bare in mind people do change a lot especially in their teens so it might just be he's going through changes which is why he's suddnly just being so different). The least you can do is try one more time to try get your friend back, if it doesn't work then I think at least you tried your best. After that all you can really do is move on and hope he willrealise what he is throwing away.
I'm sorry I can't really be more positive but at the end of the day it's like I said, it's all about give and take on both sides. If you're the only one who puts the effort into it and he does nothing it will just not get anywhere, he needs to put some effort into the friendship as well. Write back should you need to talk again and I'm sorry once again if my reply upsets you. :[
Take care.
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I'll tell you one thing-- boys are confusing. That's for damn sure.
I'm honestly not very good at these kinds of questions, because everyone's different and it'd just end up being best if you straight up told him, "You screw up alot. I don't like it and I miss you. What's your deal?"
That's, basically, all I can say to help you, unless you tell him that you give up on your friendship. He doesn't really sound good enough for you, hun.
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I understand that you're hurt, and I get that you want to continue trying to repair your friendship, but it seems to me like it's gone a little too far for that. No, I don't think this guy has given up on your friendship because he doesn't like you any more -- in fact, I think it's the opposite. I think he gave up because he DOES like you a lot, but he doesn't know how to handle that.
I think you should give him one (and I do mean just ONE) more chance. Try once more to tell him how you feel -- that you want a friendship, or more if he's willing to offer that. Make sure he knows that you're not pushing him to do anything. Hopefully, he'll get it for real this time... but if he doesn't, I think you should follow suit and start looking for a new best friend, because that means this guy obviously isn't worthy of your friendship or your affection. Good luck.
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I don't think he's given up trying to be your friend because he doesn't like you anymore. If anything, it's probably the opposite. See, in January he said he liked you but just wanted to be friends.
He had to have a reason to only want to be friends because guys usually don't worry about what a romantic relationship will do to a friendship. It could have been stress from anything, from school work, a job, or even his parents or friends.
When he sees you and spends time with you as friends, like he used to before his confession, he probably still gets those feelings of wanting to be more with you. But he may think he blew it the first time, or he thinks you don't like him, or he may just still have the previous stress.
By pushing you away he could think he'll get over you and move on so he can finally hang out with you without thinking about what it would be like to be 'with you'.
My suggestion to you is to ask him directly (like you said you've been doing) if he still likes you and why he's acting distant. Don't tell him you noticed he's acting distant and you want him to stop, ask him WHY. Make sure he looks you in the eye when he answers so you know he's telling the truth.
I hope this works for you!
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Maybe he just needs some time away from you. trying to get over his feelings for you. Then when he is ready he will act like himself again. He is probably worried if he spends time with you when his feelings arent fully gone he will start to like you all over again. Just give him some more time and a little space. then if it doesnt get better soon tell him how precious your friendship is and how you dont want to lose it.
hope i helped=]
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maybe he likes you alot and hes trying to decide weather to ve friends or more then friends with you.that would be a good reason to ignore you while he clears his head.what do you think
lwt me know how it all works out
lots of love lizzie
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If you have to "work" at a friendship, then it's NOT a friendship at all.
Friends, lovers, any good relationship of any kind should not be forced to work at it.
It should come naturally and mutually.
Sounds like he feels smothered by you and only wants to be friends but you are pushing for more so he's abandoned the entire relationship to avoid it all.
Give it up. Let it go.
If he initiates contact, okay. If it was meant to
be, it will. If it wasn't-- it won't.
Stop forcing the issue, it's a lost cause.
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