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What do i say / dont say to a mate thats been raped.
My best friend was raped about 2 months back, she didnt tell me about it,i found out from my other best friend. i was hurt that she didnt want to tell me but just got on with it cos she was obvisouly going thruogh a hard time. anyway another of my friends told me best friend that i knew, there was a big argument and no its all out in the open. its better but i feel really awkuard in front of my best mate and dont no what i can say or cant. has anyone got any advie, i wud really appreciate it.
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Realistically, she probably feels humiliated and possibly even has feelings of guilt (probably why she didn't tell you- her best friend). Because not only does rape have physical effects, but it has psychological effects that keep hurting after the physical pain is long gone.
Not only was her body invaded, but her mind was, too.
Rape causes mental and emotional trauma.
Here is a list of possible psychological effects of rape I found on the link following:
"Psychological effects on the victim may include:
severe anxiety
depression
difficulty concentrating or sleeping
dreaming about what happened
inappropriate guilt feelings
emotional numbness or irritability
flashbacks
nightmares
extreme fear."
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Don't feel awkward around her. That may only make her feel worse to notice that. Be her best friend, as you are, and act towards her as you did before. You don't want her to feel that things have changed between you because of this; it could possibly add to any feelings of guilt.
Be supportive and let her know you have a shoulder she can lean on without actually rehashing the subject.
You can say to her, "You are my best friend, and I'm always here to lend an ear if you want to get anything off of your chest. I am open to listen to you about any subject without being harsh or judgemental." That's beating around the bush, but she will catch your drift.
When she feels comfortable enough to open up about it, constantly remind her that it was not her fault.
When she opens up to you about it, here are a couple of things for you to suggest- but I wouldn't advise pushing her about them:
Tell her to consider seeking rape counseling. She may feel more comfortable talking it all out with a stranger who knows how to teach her to cope and, by law, has to keep it confidential.
If she hasn't gone to the police, you should suggest she considers doing so. Rape is a crime, and the guy should be prosecuted like the criminal he is.
Other than that, take her out to have fun. Help her keep her mind off of it until she is ready to talk about it.
I hope this helps you out, and my thoughts are with your friend.
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You defintely don't want to force her to talk or think about anything relating to that incident. Just let her know that you're always going to be there for her and you'll listen and help her and keep everything confidential. & also that you won't be judgemental of anything.
Otherwise, you should try to stay away from where, wehn, and by whom when all this happened as to not give her any bad memories. If things get worse for her, I suggest you tell someone you trust that is an adult..
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It's a sensitive situation because some prefer to just try and carry on like nothings happen and don't want people to be all weird around them becuase it would make them feel uncomfortable. But on the other hand you don't want to seem like you don't care at all becuase that may equally be hurtful to them.
She probably felt uncomfortable telling you (more so that you're her best friend - it's happen to me as well when one of my friends told me instead of telling her closest and bestest friends) but pretending that you don't know anything (when she already knows that you do)may not be a good idea since she already knows you know. So, talk to her. Just tell her you know what happen and that you're there for her whenever she wants you, if she wants to talk about it. Let it be her choice and then when she's ready and if she wants to talk about it she will just come to you on her own accord. Pretending that you dont know anything about it would just be wrong because she may start wondering why are you putting up this fake front like you don't know anything when she's already been told that you do - it would just do more harm than good.
I think as long as she knows you're there for her and are still her best friend it will make her feel more comfortable. She may seem to think she's lost some of your respect for her because of what happen so the reassurance that your still her best friend and are there for her will do some good. Other than this though try to help her get through this hard time by just being her friend. Obviously be careful about what you joke about and such but don't there's no reason to be awkward around her at all as it is the very reason she may have not wanted you to know what happen.
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