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How can I deal with it
Someone who I trusted so completely, who I could tell anyting too, and I adored with every fiber of my being told me that she doesn't care about me anymore, or how I feel. We faught occaisionally, but all friends do. But these past few weeks thats all we had been doing, so I told her how I felt. Everytime we faught it was because my opinion wasn't the same as her which meant: I was ignorant, I didn't know anything about the world, and of course I was wrong. I'm so tired of being always wrong, especially when its just an opinion or belief. I wrote a long letter explaining how I felt..begging her to treat me right. She told me all she could give me was apathy. Later when I tried to sort things out with her she told me I was nothing but a drama queen...like I was stirring up crap for no reason. She said she didn't want my forgiveness because she believes she didn't do anything wrong which means - suprise! I'm wrong again. She said she didn't want to make peace with me. She didn't care about me anymore. In her eyes I'm nothing but a self rightgeous idiot. It couldn't have hurt me more if she had just killed me herself. How after being friends for a year she can treat me this way, I do not know.
I invested everything in her, I loved her...she took it all away. I've never felt so hurt in my entire life. I suppose I do sound like a drama queen..but I don't know how to describe it. I've been crying for the past three days..I've never felt this way before.
She doesn't even care what shes done to me.
I try to keep myself busy, but as soon as I stop it just hurts again. I can't sleep anymore because I can't stop crying. I haven't slept in over 40 hours. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel better. I don't know how to stop hating her for what shes done for me. I don't know what to do. I just...don't.
Somehow I think shes not worth my time..not anymore. Shes not worth my tears or my thoughts, but I can't help it. Any help would be appreciated. thanks.
and yeah its long, sorry.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
your reaction to her not wanting to be friends with you worries me a bit. but my advice is just leave her alone. and like you said yourself shes not worth your tears. i had a friend who was like that, I did nothing wrong, she got upset, and then we stopped talking. I apologized, but she said she could never forgive me and the best she could do was be civil acquaintances. so i gave her her space, and we ended up not speaking for a whole year. and now.. we are inseparable. she realized her mistakes, and i realized my mistakes. we grew, experienced life and learned to appreciate each others friendship more. losing one friend is not the end of the world, there are many many other people, and making friends is what helps us grow. sorry for the long response, the gist of it is to just give your friend some space. She'll realize her mistakes sooner or later. :)
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I'm not going to diss your friend, & tell you how horrible she is, because you obviously already know. But you need to accept what she's done to you. Like it or not, accept it. There is NOTHING you can do to change her opinion on you, so the best thing to do is to just move on & accept yourself. You're not in the wrong, she is.
Your friend will learn. Not everyone is going to agree with her. Not everyone is going to like her, and not everyone is going to accept her. There will be people who challenge her & make her wanna scream. And I hope she meets someone like that. She deserves to get a taste of her own medicine. Seriously though, don't let this bug you so much. There will be someone to come up & give her everything she's been feeding out, and slap her in the face. Move on with life, and don't worry about her.
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Oh, dear! What a problem! Well, when I was your age, I was also had a tendency to think I was right and anyone who disagreed was an idiot. I didn't give others the respect they deserved (though I never treated a friend like you were treated). Your friend will learn. Life will challenge her, educate her, and smack her down. She will figure it out.
But for right now, she's very unhappy and isn't able to be a friend to you. So give her apathy right back. Who needs a friend who always has to be right. Conditional friendship is not really friendship and *she* is the one with the problem. What you need to do is dry your tears, dust off your dignity, and move on to another friend who will not be so rigid, inflexible, and downright nasty. There are many people in this world who are looking for a friend. Find one. It's easy. :) And you'll be happier. And, if she's like me, someday she will look back at who she was and wish she could slap her past self.
Sabine
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