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My mom..

Question Posted Tuesday April 17 2007, 3:37 pm

Well my mom is 37 she was married twice and had a boyfriend. But all of a sudden she likes this girl. The girl is gay and my mom i dont know if my mom is becoming gay. But i dont like the girl shes with and i dont trust her. I know shes a perve and she wants my mom in ways you should know... She is taking my mom away from me and my mom doesn't really seem that happy. What should i do???

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alisonmarie answered Wednesday April 18 2007, 12:11 pm:
Did you feel this way when your mom starting dating men? If so, this might be your reaction to her spending time with anyone else - and it's a perfectly normal and appropriate way to feel.

If you didn't mind her dating men, then your feelings cold be more about the 'gay thing.' I would encourage you to explore how you feel about gay people in general, and then how you feel about the possibility of your mother being a lesbian or bisexual.

It can be a hard thing to adjust to, but it will not change how she feels about you. Nor will it change who she is as a person.

Your mom might seem unhappy because she is unsure how you or other people will react to her dating a female. Coming out, or realising you are gay, is an extraordinarily difficult and confusing time. Rarely does someone express a huge amount of happiness during this time - they may feel relieved and happy to be living in a genuine way, but it doesn't erase the stress of having to tell other people. Particularly if they have been living as straight for a long time.

Having a conversation with your mom might be a really good idea. You can share your feelings with her, and also ask questions about anything you don't understand. If she knows how you feel, perhaps she will be willing to spend more one-to-one time with you.

I wish you the best.

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solidadvice4teens answered Wednesday April 18 2007, 1:23 am:
A person doesn't "suddenly" be gay or lesbian. It's something that they have been their whole life and may have finally accepted about themselves. This is probably what has happened with your mother and why the marraiges truthfully broke up.

You might not like this but you need to accept her regardless of what is happening and trust her instincts. She would never bring someone into your life that she thinks would cause harm to it or you.

What you should do is talk to your mother about your feelings here and about the girl that she likes. Put it all out on the table and ask her the truth about her sexuality as you are confused and should know as her daughter the truth.

There shouldn't be any more secrets or questions unanswered between the both of you. Nobody can take your mother away from you and unfortunately it's up to her to decide that she's unhappy about it or this girl but you can certainly try and make her see all the things that you do and the fact the other person isn't to be trusted.

You just cannot convince her unless she wants to see that. You need to have a mother-daughter chat and get all this out in the open and dealt with as soon as possible.

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AskJR answered Tuesday April 17 2007, 11:19 pm:
Well your mom has gone through two failed marriages and a failed relationship with a boyfriend. There might be cuircumstance we don't know about that has lead up to this.

The woman and your mom might have started off as friends with your mom finding comfort with her and maybe because she is a gay friend and felt safer and nonjudgemental.

But, your mother is vunerable and is in the "hate men mode" and feels safer in the company of women.

What you mom might not realize is it does not matter if it's a man or a woman, it's a relationship and they all have the same problems and come with the same baggage. There's no guarantees in any relationship, hetrosexual or homosexual. The same failure is apt to come of this one as all the others.And any in the furture. It happens until the right person comes along.

She's feelings things out and experienmenting now.

You said your mom doesn't seem happy. That means something. I'm glad you noticed that. If she were in love, she'd be happy. No doubt.

Take this opportunity, with this knowledge, and sit down and talk to her alone without interuptions. Go to a coffee shop where the other woman can not find you during this talk.

Tell your mom exatly how you feel and think. Ask her how she feels and thinks. Tell her you see that she is not happy. Ask her if men turned her so far away that she is considering a woman as a romantic partner. Ask her if she would want this for you, her daughter?


It might pass soon, or she might pass on the woman because of her love for you. Give her the chance.

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ammo answered Tuesday April 17 2007, 6:38 pm:

Talking to your mom would be the best thing to do, I think. Try and catch your mom on her own and have a sit down with her and talk to her. Ask her how she is. Have a heart to heart with her and let her know about your concerns about this other woman she is seeing.

This is probably going to be your best course of action. Good luck and I hope it all goes well.

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Itz_your_luckee_day answered Tuesday April 17 2007, 6:09 pm:
you really need to sit your mom down and kind of make her feel guilty. like "mom where have you been? this is so weird, please stop seeing this girl i don't like her and i miss you".

she needs to know you care, and if shes unhappy this is just another reason to leave the relationship. good luck. if you need more help just ask!

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