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I feel guilty as hell, but I shouldn't.
Well today my friend found out her father has been shot and died. She isn't sure yet if it was suicide or someone else did it.
I feel like I'm not being a very good friend. Before you start calling me deadbeat friend listen to my story.
For a long time in our friendship she had told me and everyone her father had died on September 11 2001. He was working at the world trade centre. Then she came clean, she was being an attention seeker and that she had never met her father in her life.
And then today she's hysterical about her father's passing and I find out her father was actually in her life. I'm not ignoring her, or snobbing her off. She's in a very vunerable position and that is the wrong thing to do. But what is the right thing to do? Do I act like she hasn't lied to me all this time for my pity? Do I point it out? How am I supposed to comfort her when I thought she didn't have a father?
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Well I think you should comfort her and be nice to her now because she is your friend and she does need your help to get through this. But once she has calmed down, like in a few weeks or months, you need to talk to her about her obsessive lying.
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that's low. everything turns up at some time and if your're thinking about something that bothers you then some day you will either bottle it up inside and explode when she does another shallow thing, or you could ask her more about it. only you know the right way but you need to tell her that it did bother you and ask her why she did something like that. be real and don't talk behind her back. and dont sink to her level.
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Why should you feel guilty as hell? She's the one who lied about her father dying on September 11th. I think that's pretty dispicable to say a relative died in those two towers on that day when they did most certainly did not.
It's no wonder anyone is thinking she's crying wolf again by telling people her father was indeed in her life and died mysterious by his own hand or was murdered.
Either she is telling the truth or is a confused, lost person with some very big mental issues to overcome. What you should tell her is the truth. "I sure hope you are telling the truth here this time. f so, I'm sorry for your loss."
Do her a HUGE favor by telling her most people are having a hard time believing her because of what happened last time and you doubt her story too. Maybe it will get her to see she is a chronic liar and people hate her for it etc or why nobody believes the truth.
Even if her father did die she needs to know what people are thinking as sooner or later somebody will accuse her of lying in this case. Get to her first before this happens. If it turns out she is lying again ask why and tell her to get some form of help.
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Evidently theirs a little truth issue there because of what she told you before. Just give her a hug, and apologize for her loss. Thats the easiest and nicest thing you can do for her, considering she's lied to you before. Lieing about a family members death is no joke, and its not cool to event hink it. Hope I helped! Happy Spring!
-Brina
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Okay, your friend isn't a friend. She's been playing you and now you can't tell her truth from her lies. So tell her you're sorry to hear of her father's death (don't say AGAIN) and try to be there for her if you are her friend. Then, in a month or so, let her know that she has violated your trust time and again and that you can no longer believe what she says. She needs counseling to figure out why she keeps making herself the victim of tragic circumstance even when those circumstances do not exist. Why does she need so badly to be pitied? She has a psychological problem and you can't fix it. She needs help.
Don't bail on her now, but wait until things have calmed down a little bit (if you're sure this time that her father is definitely dead). Then tell her that she needs to be honest with herself and others. That is a basic requirement for friendship.
Sabine
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