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help me.
i have a really immature and pathetic problem thats made up of a few little problems. but it's REALLY bothering me and stressing me out.
this part isnt really a problem; two days ago the most amazing, sweetest thing happened to me. "matt" is my best friend. he means everything to me. i am so comfortable with him, can be myself around him, can tell him anything, and our relationship is so important to me. it's so hard to do that with anyone else because i'm kind of shy and insecure. but matt gives me butterflies<3. ive wanted him since the day i met him. he asked me to be his girlfriend two days ago. this is possibly the best and cutest thing that's ever happened to me in such a long time.
two problems.
these problems have names ... ally and kayla. two of my best friends, who are both practically in love with matt. when they found out that matt liked me, they spazzed out on me. never even gave me a chance to tell them what happened. or how i felt about it. or anything. all they would tell me was "i like matt. a lot. you can't say yes! it would kill me." this is all i've been hearing from these girls for two days. i thought friends were supposed to be supportive and understanding. maybe these girls aren't real friends. except i still happen to love them.
i understand the phrase "friends before boys", but they are being completely bitchy to me. yesterday, ally was phsyically shoving me towards lockers and into people whenever i passed her in the hallway at school. they both were walking together in the hallways all day and gave me dirty looks, **coughed** and constantly made fun of me with eachother. kayla told people all about how matt asked me out and told people i was a selfish bitch who was going out with the guy who broke her heart. after school, i was hanging with some other friends when ally and kayla were together in the girls' bathroom. i approached them in hope that we could talk about it. i told them "i still want to be friends. i said no to matt, because i know how much you guys care about him. i hope you're not mad at me because im not mad at you" kayla's response sent me to tears as soon as i was out of sight from them: "fuck off" and she "hopes i die". later, the two of them were walking past me and repeating the behavior from earlier in the day. i expected this behavior from kayla but not ally. ally + i are a lot closer and we really understand eachother. i would never want to lose her over a guy. or kayla for that matter. i wanted to keep them as friends. but they're being complete assholes! they are pretty much the only people i hang around. but...at the same time it's MATT. my matt. it's not just some random guy. matt is my everything and i don't know if i will get another oppourtunity to be with him if i turn him down. he understands the situation because he's sort of friends with ally and kayla ... and obviously he's seen how they've been acting towards me the past few days. but they're blaming me for the whole thing. they can't even tell me what i did. i ask them and they say "because you considered going out with him when i like him!", as if that's some kind of crime to them. kayla says i'm being a selfish bitch by "considering going out with him when you know i like him a lot". well, isn't she being a bit selfish herself? and what about ally? MATT CANT BE A BOYFRIEND TO ALL THREE OF US. i understand that it hurts them that he picked me, but them being jerks to me hurts more.
third problem.
when i walked in on ally + kayla in the girls bathroom, ally had a safety pin or something like that in what looked like her wrist or her arm or something, i don't even know. [ didn't get a good look at it, ally ran in the stall when she saw me ] kayla was holding a razor and they both had cuts all over their arms. this just disgusted me.
they told me about this before.
both of them told me they cut themselves. kayla says she does it because of family problems and partly because matt lead her on or something like that and broke her heart. ally does it for matt. she says it releases her pain she feels for him. i feel uncomfortable talking to them about it. i just want to get them the help they need. what is even worse is that they sometimes do it together and they promote it for eachother, telling eachother it's okay to do it and supporting it amongst themselves. i don't know what to do about it. i told my mom, and she's going to call their parents. we need to get them help; i don't want them hurting themselves.
but i feel like the selfish bitch they say i am when i tell myself that i'd pick matt over them.
PLEASE. please, please help me.
i need help.
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OMG this is one of the trickest things i have ever read. idk what to tell you hunny. But you need to be there with your friends b/c it looks like both of them are going through so hard times. & they both need SERIOUS help.
But also i think you should just go for the guy. Because your friends will hopefully accept it sooner than later. But if he truely makes you happy and you should just go out with him. but still stay really close to your friends beacuase they really need you.
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Hi hun,
First of all before I say anything else at all - say YES to matt!!
Its clear to anyone how you feel about him and as you say this is not just 'some boy' what you two have is really special. I always say it's the things we don't do we live to regret. Your two 'friends' will just have to grow up and get a grip on reality. Don't imagine for one second that you are being in any way selfish or un-thoughtful - its them! I'm afraid instead of being happy for you they've decided to be jealous and spiteful and all I can say about them is with friends like that, who needs enemies? I understand that these people where close friends and that what they are doing hurts but it's them that have caused it not you. I'm certain Matt will be there to support you and look after you.
The other issue of Kayla and ally 'self harming' is always a difficult issue to tackle but unfortunately while they have cut you out and are being so awful to you there's not a lot you can do to help and that's not your fault. Can I just say I admire the way that despite how horrible they have been to you - you still care. If only they had a brain between the two of them the might be able to see you're a pretty perfect best friend! I think your mom telling their parents seems like a pretty sensible idea, that way someone else knows what's going on and can do something about it. If they hadn't turned on you it would have been different as you would have been in a position to help but remember with this situation and with everything that's happened this isn't something you should have to worry about, so try not to too much?
The very best of luck with Matt - keep me posted and send me a wedding invite (please make certain you give me plenty time to buy a new outfit!)
JOSH
XX
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write me in my inbox..il give u al teh help you need but i cant answer your question publicly because alot of my friends use advicenators and they know who i am and for me to help you i cant let my friends read it because they dont know haha im soryy i just went thorugh the same thing about 1 week ago it ended and i know exactly how to solve it for you but it would take patience and time if your wiling to take it all a step at a time..il pray for you also best of luck and write my inbox if your considering my help if not its all good ..bye
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It sounds like your two friends will hurt you no matter what happens with Matt. If you go out with Matt, they will probably continue doing what they are doing for awhile. If you dont go out with Matt, it might be hard to forgive them for this fight you guys are having. Ironically, I think you need someone to listen to your feelings and help protect you at school....Someone like Matt would be perfect for you. Plus, if you want to go out with Matt and he wants to go out with you, you should go for it. Just ask yourself this question, "would I rather go out with Matt and both of us be happy, or would I rather say no to him and have Matt's heart broken and have the slim chance of remaining friends with two people who are hurting me right now?" If you are truly best friends with Matt, that will last a lifetime. You lucked out because your best friend is of the opposite gender. Whatever you choose though, if you still care about your friends I would get them some help about them cutting themselves. It could get bad if it gets out of control.
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First off. Your friends' stupid behavior is NOT your fault. It comes from their own selfishness and jealousy and the fact that matt chose you over them.
1) You are not a selfish bitch.
2) Don't blame yourself for their actions.
While there are the terms "bros before hoes" or "chicks before d*cks", it's not always the case. If your two 'best friends' decide to hate you and treat you horribly just because the guy they like in turn likes you... don't bother being friends with them anymore. Real friends WOULD support you and be willing to let go of their feelings (as hard as it may be) so that you can be happy. I mean, shoving you in the hallways and talking trash about you...? What kind of friends are those? They don't care that they're hurting you and they're acting like total bxtches. My advice is to let them go and make new, better friends.
Now to address your third problem. Cutting themselves over this? How immature can they get? While I may sound totally offensive in saying this.. cutting yourself because some guy chooses your friend over you is so overrated. It's not something that depressing and worth cutting yourself over. Have your mom call their parents. They may hate you even more for it, but it's for their own safety and health. While it is the answer for stupid things to do while being depressed, cutting is not the answer for heartbreak or 'release from problems'.
Don't feel guilty or selfish. Don't feel bad. it's their own stupid problem and it has nothing to do with you. So find new friends, have fun with Matt, and have a happy life. Friends who hate friends for getting the attention of the boy they like aren't people worth being friends with. I hope you have an amazing time with Matt and find friends who actually love you and stand by you no matter what. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to leave me a message (:
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