There's this guy I kind of sort of like. And we've been on a date. Bu I don't know if I want to keep dating him because...I feel like I can do better. I feel really shallow, but I find myself interested in other guys too. I don't know what to do because he's really a great guy but I don't feel comitted.
Xenolan answered Thursday March 1 2007, 8:28 pm: Whether you're shallow or not depends on what exactly you feel that this guy is lacking. I don't think it's shallow to have standards, but one must choose wisely what those standards are.
For instance, if he is rude or insensitive to you, doesn't care about his personal hygiene, hides behind a false personality, or has a poor sense of ethics, then I'd say you would be right to think you can do better.
However, if you feel he's not physically attractive enough, doesn't have enough money, or he's not in with the popular crowd, then those are not good reasons to reject him.
Since you say that he's a "really great guy", I can't help but think that your reasons for thinking you can do better have to do with what OTHER people think of him instead of what you think. That is shallow indeed, and it's going to come back and bite you someday.
If this guy doesn't live up to your standards of what a boyfriend should be, then it's probably a kindness to both of you if you let him go. But if your standards are not based on the right sort of things, you will never find happiness in a relationship, and the day will come when you look back with regret at all the "great guys" that slipped through your fingers.
Incidentally, feel free to date other guys until and unless you make a commitment to one of them. There's nothing wrong with dating one guy on Thursday night and another one on Saturday, provided it's clear all around that no one is in an exclusive relationship. [ Xenolan's advice column | Ask Xenolan A Question ]
ciao77 answered Thursday March 1 2007, 8:10 pm: I think that maybe you're being too hard on yourself. Ask yourself what it is about this person that makes you feel as though you can find someone better. Chances are that you don't know enough about him, and that you're being picky. TRUST ME, I tend to do the exact same. If you feel like the first date went fairly well, then try hanging out another time-- be yourself,relax and let things flow. Try not to pin-point every little thing about the person, but rather judge him on the whole. Ask yourself if he's being respectful, if he seems interested, if you guys enjoy each other's company, etc. And remember, it's literally impossible to find someone who matches you 100%. Anyway, sometimes things just don't feel right, or you know that the person's not right for you. But before you make that judgment, be realistic about your expectations, and try not to be too hard on this (or any other) guy.
But anyway, no, you are not being shallow- you're just having doubts and are being picky; try to relax, and see this guy for who he is. But don't force anything: if it's not meant to be, you'll know it. [ ciao77's advice column | Ask ciao77 A Question ]
christina answered Thursday March 1 2007, 7:40 pm: You're right. You're shallow. This guy is great & you don't wanna keep dating him because "you can do better?" You don't deserve him at all. So go out with a good looking guys who's a dick, and let this guy get a girl who appreciates him.
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