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Getting Married Very Soon But Still Think of Ex
Ok, here is what is going on. I have been dating this wonderfully amazing guy for 3 years now. He proposed very early in the relationship, so we have been engaged for most of our relationship. He is amazing and sweet and romantic and was there for me during some of my hardest times. I love him very much.
Ok, now the conflict. A few months before I met my fiance, I met this other guy and we instantly hit it off and became friends and hung out all the time. We had chemistry and flirted and kissed and hung out all the time. We both really liked each other, but we were both too chicken to say anything. So we never dated.
I have kept in touch with this guy for 3 years. We have kissed and fooled around (which I am very ashamed of, because I know it would kill my fiance if he ever found out.) This other guy told me that I was the first girl he's ever loved, but I knew I'd never leave my fiance for him. I never did leave my fiance, and this other guy eventually moved on and started dating another girl. Things got pretty serious, and he said he's over me now and that he loves her.
However, this other guy and I hung out the other night and kissed and cuddled and just held each other. We didn't have sex, just held each other.
I am getting married very soon, and I do not know what to do. This other guy and I were never officially an "item", but we have remained in each other's lifes for 3 years. He was in love with me for 2 some years, and then when he got a new girlfriend, I started getting really jealous. He said he's over me, but then why did we fool around the other night?
I just... I don't know what to do. I am getting married in a few weeks and moving to the West coast. I love my fiance and have never left him for anyone. I love him so much, and I don't want to hurt him. I still think of this other guy sometimes, but I think I do only because it's a "what could have been" type of scene because we never actually dated. I think it's also because it's natural to be nervous before you get married.
Is it normal to think of an "ex" before you get married? Part of me wonders what would have been with this other guy, if he and I would have lasted, or whether we'd broken up 2 weeks later. I love my fiance and want to and need to move on. THis other guy and I never worked because of timing, and we don't work now. We both have other people. Please help!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It is completely normal for a soon to be bride to have cold feet. To think what could have happened and what didnt etc.
But you don't sound completely over this other guy. There is no reason to marry your fiance if you think you love someone else. That is completely unfair to both of you.
Seperate love from lust.
Do you like flirting with the other guy more than your fiance? Can you picture a life with the other guy? Does your heart flip when you think about him? Love isn't something to be questioned, if you REALLY love either one of the guys, you will know. Love is a feeling of safety in one persons arms, its a feeling of utter bliss because you found your match. Do you feel that with either one of them?
Talk to the other guy. Ask him to answer totally honestly: does he love you? Tell him you have to know, because you can't get married in between two men's hearts.
Decide which one is more important to you. Decide wether you are just nervous about marriage or regretful, or if you are really in love with this other guy. If you are, it is not fair at all to say in a relationship with your husband. You cannot settle on love. It has to be one hundred percent right. Staying in a relationship with your fiance is hurting both of you if it isn't right. Lying to him isn't right.
You must make a choice. Cut this other guy out of your life and marry your fiance, or give this other guy a chance and break it off with your fiance. There is no in between. Dont make rash decisions and think this through. It is a huge decision.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck.
-Abby
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I don't think it's really normal. And I don't think you're ready to get married.
You said he proposed early in the relationship... is it possible that you ignored warning signs about this guy because you were looking forward to getting married?
Don't worry about doing something terrible to your fiance... you'll do something more terrible if you have to get divorced later because he's not the one for you. when you get married you should be 100% sure that no other man can offer you what the person you're about to marry can. And sure, maybe you're just thinking about this guy because he's "someone else", but if there's really something about him that you love and that you can't find in your fiance, it's a sign.
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Wow, well, I`m young and I honestly don't know if it's normal for you to think about your ex before marriage. But, I've been through relationships, and I know that if you and this other guy were both scared to say anything about a relationship, you were meant to just be friends. You both obviously wanted to say something, but you had second thoughts. Now, the second thing I need to tell you, is something you aren't going to want to hear. You need to tell your fiance about him, or you`ll regret it. Trust me, just be open and honest, and tell him the truth. He might get angry, but think, if you tell him before you're married, don't you think it would be better than when you WERE married? Just sit him down, and calmly tell him. It's going to be hard to do, but trust me, it's the right thing. If you don't love this other guy, you should just brush it off your shoulders because it's either cold feet or you're just crushing. Good luck, and don't wreck true love.
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