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foster sister
Ever since my bro entered high school I was really lonely. We had been really close and stuff, and I never thought that we would ever grow further apart. So when my mom mentioned that we might adopt a child (not just cuz i was lonely but they had been considering adoption for a while) i got excited. I waited everyday to come home and hear what happened today with the caseworkers or whatever. After a few years, we got the news that there was a girl in my state who was four years younger than me. I was overjoyed that I was going to have a new little sister. I had always been the younger sister before. Well as time passed we found she had some serious emotional problems. She used to be so violent towards me, because she needed ALOT of attention, and she wanted it all to herself. So really, she needed to be in a family with no other children. But anyways, she hit me with metal chairs and stabbed me with sticks, yet for some odd reason, i liked it. Well, i didnt like the pain sometimes, but its hard to explain. My parents were worried about me cause they didnt know what kind of effect she was putting on me. I dont know why i continued to love her so much, but i guess anyone would. But when i look back now, two years later, it makes me cringe. Now, i hate that this experiance ever happened and i want to erase it from my life, but obviously, i cant. It hurts me so much to know that i hurt a girls life because we made her move one more time. After eight months of living with us, she had to go to a new family. And my parents tell me that "we helped her find a new family that was better for her" but that doesnt help. I just dont want to ever remember that this happened. Can someone help?? Im sorry its so long. By the way, everyones told me to join clubs and stuff to help me move on, and I have. im in three different sports. But i just need some way to not hurt so bad inside. Thanks for your help!!
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That is a hard burden to bear. You believe it was your fault in some way that this girl had to move into another family. Fortunately you are going to get past this, but not the way you are currently thinking. It never helps to try to forget completely and it is not healthy. What is healthy is to put it into perspective with everything you know and to realize that there is a lot you will never know. You know that you have a loving family and that you and your family would never have given up on her staying with you if they thought it was good for her to be there. You know that you had a lot of love for her and still do and wish her the best. You know that it was not her fault or yours or your family's that she had needs that were beyond what she was getting those months she stayed with you. We can't know all the reasons for everything in life, but if you believe that things happen for reason, you will find that reason. Being active in sports is great, but also find a way to talk out your feeling about this or anything else that you need to talk about with your family and friends. We all have things that are tough to move beyond in our life, and questions and struggles. This is a part of our life experience. The important thing is what we do with the parts in life that we DO control, and accept that some things are not within our power. Love when you can love, and let go of what keeps you from loving. Let go of what you could not do about the situation, and embrace the fact that you have a heart that is big and still has enough room in it to love even when life is not perfect. Let that experience be a reminder to you that people will always come and go in our lives, and we have no control of anyone but ourselves. We do have a great opportunity to love and be loved with the people who touch our lives and we need to be thankful for the chance we get every day to love again. You can still honor someone who is not in your life by remembering them as a reason to make the most of every moment and spread hope in the way you live. Even if you never see this person again, you will make the world a better place for her by living a life of love.
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You know what from reading that i am soo proud of you. You out with that just to put a smile on her face. And you know what? Shes probably going to remember that her whole life. You have helped her in many ways and you should be proud. You even helped her find a new family! Why dont you want to think that this never happened? You did a terrific job being a big sister! why would you try to hide that? You gave her what she needed most-> attention. She is probably going to grow up to be something better then she was and that was due to your patience. Really, there is nothing here that should make you forget your past. Whatever you did was for the better for your family and her. Always think of the sacrifice that you made to give her what she wanted. Take care and God Bless.
-Itz Krazy
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I would wager that she has had a rough past to have emotional problems to such extremes. Sounds like the poor kid was pretty messed up.
You have a very good heart to have loved her so much after she was violent towards you. She needed and demanded a lot of attention, yet you loved her. She was a little kid with some serious inner issues, and you loved her never the less.
I'm not saying that you should put up with abuse out of anyone, ever. But I am saying that your heart was definitely in the right place. That is a good thing.
Your parents are right in what they tell you. Keep in mind, you were a loving, understanding foster sister. You tried to give her the affection and attention she needed until she could get into a home that could better provide for her special needs.
You didn't hurt a girls life here. You may have been the brightest thing to enter her life up to that point. And now that she is a part of a family better suited for her needs, her life will maybe only get brighter.
In the future, she will probably look back to the time she spent with your family and remember how much you cared about her.
You aren't a bad person at all. You are a good one.
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