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from lust to love
I have known this guy for about 5 years, not too well though. Well about a month and a half ago we started having sex and hanging out. He's 21 and I am turning 18 in a week. It was supposed to be all fun and games but I started falling for him. Today we talked and he said he doesnt want to date me because I will be going to college soon and he doesnt want me to miss any experiences.... plus his schedule is hectic and its not fair to me. He said he likes me and we click though. What does all this mean and should I keep hanging out with him or having sex with him? I dont want to lose him. Should I keep trying to be with him? He means SO much to me.
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to me, it kind of sounds like he's just using you for sex. if you want a relationship then, i think you should really find someone else who's going to love you, and not just have sex with you.
maybe i'm just stupid, but it kind of seems like he's using you for a quick hookup.
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Honestly, it means he is bullshiting you and trying to let you down softly.
People who really want to be in a relationship with someone don't worry about them missing out on experiences because they want to be with them. Affection is a bit selfish like that. Plus that he is really busy right and that just isn't fair to you right? Pah, nonsense and a silly excuse. I can work a 60 hour week and still find a scrape of time for the person I'm really into. He might really like you and you probably really do click but he just doesn't want a relationship, for whatever reason, maybe he just doesn't want to be with anyone right now. If he did want to be with you, he'd try and make it work.
You can keep trying to be with him if you want, but he probably isn't going to make it easy, because he simply isn't dedicated to making any sort of relationship work. You'll end up frustrated and hurt, because you'll be working so hard for it, and he wont be.
Stop listening to the kind things he says in effort to not hurt you and not make you angry and start paying attention to what he does. If he seems willing to make time for you, willing to put some effort into being with you, then maybe he will come around, but if he isn't willing to try then it doesn't matter how much he likes you, it aint going to happen.
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He is a really nice guy for doing that. You should ask him if ya'll could atleast stay in contact, and maybe date other people for now, but think about dating when you get out of college. OR, he thinks it is going to hurt you (his schedule being so busy) so he is trying to do this for you. If that is the case, you should let him know it doesn't worry you & you want to stay with him. OR, that is his only excuse and he found someone else he likes... but I doubt that, haha. :]
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I think he's being really honest with you, even though it might hurt. Realistically, if you are going to go away to college, trying to have a relationship with a guy back home is a lot of trouble. He will be lonely, and likely see someone else while you're away even if he says he won't. And this is your only time to go to college, and you shouldn't miss the experience. That includes the keggers and hitting the clubs. Guys will be hitting on you, guys will be asking you on dates to the movies, and guys will suggest studying together. It's all a part of college life, and you are only human--being far away from a boyfriend, and close to other guys, makes it hard not to accept an invitation, and this naturally leads to friendships and other relationships. Most people away at school who try to remain in a committed relationship with a girl or guy back home will cheat, their boyfriend or girlfriend will cheat, and then both of them have secrets that will scar the relationship.
Look, you have known him for a long time and only recently got together. It's not surprising that you "started falling" for him, but I don't think that it's a really close and deep relationship at this point, even if you hope it is. After all, you just started hanging out together! He said he likes you, and that's a good beginning for something romantic in the future, but realize he is telling you that you should only be friends right now. Don't worry about losing him; in the first place, if you are truly friends, there is no way you can lose him as long as you stay in touch and secondly, if you are referring to losing him in the romantic sense, I don't think you are even there yet, and you can't lose something you don't have.
Respect his thoughts, because he is being sensible. I know it's hard--especially since you've had sex, and have been physically close. But if you'll try to see it from an outside point of view, you'll see that he really has a mature outlook, and that he doesn't want either of you to be hurt. gigi
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