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I think I'm becoming antisocial...
Hello to all. I'm a 14/f. I'm in the 9th grade. I have a serious problem. It's ruining my life. I've been noticing lately that people are using me. And I mean EVERYONE. When they need an answer (on a test, or a quiz w/e) they ask me. I, being a pushover, give them the answer and try to help them to the best of my ability. However, when *I* need something, like help, or advice, they shun me out. They ignore me and make up some lame excuse to not have to deal with me and my questions and problems. I used to think I can rely on a group of people, but now it turns out they're just using me. On the weekends, they NEVER call. They NEVER want to talk. However, when they need something, they always come to me. (This is probably because I get straight A's...) I feel like an object...a piece of gum, that has been chewed up and spit out. I'm coming to the point where my favorite band and my own cat are my best friends. I can't rely on anyone because I know they will use me. I help them truthfully...and they end up backstabbing me. Like an example of a situation: I finished an exam online (it's worth a grade) and I got a 60. My friend asked me to give her some answers to cheat since it won't affect my 60 anyways...so I gave her 7 answers...and she got a 79. While I was upset, she started asking me if I think the teacher will pull the grade up to an 80 -_-. I then asked her for help and she rejected. I'm so confused.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I think that you should continue to be a nice person.
I found myself in a very similar situation when I was in high school. I was a little older when I started to feel as bad about it as you do, but while reading your question I kept saying "hey that's me!"
Most of your friends throughout your life will be like this. Most people don't know how to be good friends. I have met only 2. Yeah, lots of people have the qualities of a friend and if they see you hurting they will try to help you, but in order to be a good friend you need to be there for someone when they're not hurting too. Many friends are group friends. You consider them a friend, but you never spend any one on one time with them. You always hang out with them AND other people. There aren't any intimate moments, just companionship. Other friends are activity friends. You only see them when you're doing a certain activity...sports, partying, etc. These aren't real friends either, but they are friends. All the people that you're around that you like and that you talk to are your friends even if it doesn't feel that way. I'm sure you are very blessed in these departments. You're lucky.
The fact that people are bad friends doesn't make them bad people. It's no different from being bad at spelling. They just don't have that skill. It doesn't mean that they don't care about you. They definitely do. It doesn't mean that they purposely exclude you. They probably don't even realize that they are doing it. Cut them a little slack. If you feel particularly hurt by someone, try talking to them about it. Talking does wonders.
There are a LOT of people that are in your situation. Even really popular people with a ton of friends. I believe that most everyone goes through a time in their life when they feel like they don't have any friends. They find themselves alone with a bunch of fake friends and a poor outlook on their lives. I still feel this way every once in awhile, but it doesn't last very long because I know I'm not being realistic. Right now you're just a little depressed and it's affecting your attitude. It'll go away, don't worry. :)
You shouldn't feel so bad about yourself. You are a wonderful person. I'm sure people tell you this all the time. They mean it. Sometimes it feels like you're not appreciated, but you are. It's better to try and fail than to not try at all. You'll feel better about yourself and in this case it's not really failure. Some people don't know how to show appreciation. They still have it. You are going to be a very successful person and you are going to find at least one true friend. You're still young. Most people don't keep the same friends that they had in high school for their whole lives. You probably won't meet your lifelong friends until you're 30. Don't be discouraged yet.
If you continue being a nice person, I can guarantee that you will be happier than if you try to change. If someone is really taking advantage of you, just ignore them. You don't have to be mean to them unless they start harassing you. They'll get the hint and they'll leave you alone. If they really really need help with something I'm sure you'll be able to tell and it's your choice whether you want to help them or not. Most of the time I would, but in some of the more extreme cases I'd hope they found someone else to help them.
Good luck. :)
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hey, well you have to learn how to say no. your being way to nice to everyone and thats why you get used so much. they know that youll say yes to everything they ask so they just walk all over you because of it. i mean its okay to help people sometimes, but definately not all the time. you could either a) find a new group of friends or b) let the friends that you have now know that your not going to be like that anymore. if you picked a), you have to join clubs and find people with the same interests as you. if you picked b), have a talk with them at lunch or somewhere where they cant avoid you. tell them that your done being nice and that you want them to respect you and like you for who you are. if they dont want to do that then definately go for choice a). if they want to try to repsect you then just ask them to hangout. show them the cool new you. the one thats fun to be around and the one thats a good friend.
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You have the same problem i once had...you need to learn to say "no". When they ask you forsomething, make an excuse, and they WILL eventually get the point and leave you alone. that used to be me in 6thgrade(im now in 10th). Leave that group of "friends" and find new ones. find true friends, smart friends, friends that you will still know in 10 years. Dont befriend the "popular" girls because most of them arent smart and just pretend to be friends with you for the answers of work. They are hypocrites. Just find smart, nice, normal friends...they are the best.
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