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How come I can't get a date?
I don't understand this...I'm already in the 9th grade...and ALL of my friends have boyfriends! What do guys look for in a girl? Because, to me, it looks like I don't have it. I'm NOT a pushover, I don't dress slutty, and I'm not flirty. Let's also say that "I'm not easy to "get to"". I don't know. I'm a VERY good student....and I get good grades....but this seems like somewhat of a turn off for guys. And those guys that are nerdy (but cute) too, still don't PAY attention to me! It's like I'm invisible...It's just not fair. ;_;
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
At this age, guys like girls who are cute, make themselves available at all times, and are easy to pick up. Intelligence is not exactly a turnoff---if they happen to be intelligent, fine. But intelligence is not what attracts most teenage boys.
Keep this in mind:
"Women are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Men don't want to reach for the good ones because thay are afraid of the falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't good, but easy to get. So the apples on top think something is wrong with them where in reality, they are amazing! They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."
You just have to wait for that person to appear. However, DON'T change yourself and try to modify yourself so you're like the rotten apple that's easy to pick up. It will not make you happy, and you won't have a nice relationship at all.
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Maybe you act or feel a little older than people of your age, and because of that it may be slightly difficult for you to find a boyfriend in your school. I, personally, didn't have a boyfriend when I was a teen, because I didn't feel like the guys of my age were right for me, so I didn't even like anyone then. You said that boys don't pay you much attention, but you didn't say if you even like any of them. You know why romantic relationships that started in school come to an end after graduation? Because when you're in school, you are surrounded by people who are simply there. You don't choose your surrounding until you start your own, adult life.
People, teens in our case, get together because even if you're really young and might know very little about love, you still want someone by your side. If you don't have a boyfriend yet, don't get upset. It is not easy to find someone who will understand you and give you the attention you need. Even if ALL of your friends have boyfriends, it doesn't mean that they feel love for them, or being loved for that matter. A lot of girls live from crush to crush, but if you are not one of them, it could simply mean that in your heart you are waiting for true love to begin. It could take time, but some things are just worth waiting. As it was said in one famous song lyrics, "listen to your heart". You definitely deserve something better than just a come-and-go school crush, if you feel that it is not for you.
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High school relationships aren't mature relationships. Very few of them last and most of the time they are based on the wrong things. You're a smart girl. You're not giving off the vibe that you need to in order for guys your age to want to date you. They're nervous about dating and they don't want to get rejected. Your non-slutty non-flirtatiousness is making them look other places. This doesn't mean that you're not attractive and it doesn't mean that you wouldn't make an awesome girlfriend. It just means that they're looking for something else at this point in their lives. Not having a boyfriend in 9th grade isn't a problem. I didn't get one until my first year of college and I was already engaged a year and a half later. The people I knew that dated a lot in high school aren't even close to that yet. They've been hurt so many times that relationships are hard for them. They're all single. There are perks to dating earlier though. You learn how relationships work so that you don't screw it up later in your life when it really matters. This is important. You want to date and dating could really help you. I think that you should try. You say that you're not the flirtatious type. Flirting isn't a type. It's an action. If you flirt a little with some of the guys that you like, they will get the idea that you like them. Why would you want to go out with someone that you didn't think wanted to date anyone? Let them know that you want to have a boyfriend by doing some flirting. Don't go overboard with it of course though. Just do enough for them to get the idea. Good luck! :)
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your'll find somebody dont worry and its good that your not flirty because the gurls who are normally flirty get all the guys because there easy to get to but you said that your not flirty or sluty and you very smart but do you put your self out there not necessary sluty or tramply but friendly do you take to any body maybe your invinsible because you dont make your self known you know what im saying so try to be more sociall and dont worry like i said your find somebody im 17 and dont have a boyfriend surre i get lonley but its not the worst thing of all goodluck hope i helped
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There is no one answer to what guys look for in a girl. It is as varied as the human race itself.
All the things you say about yourself are not, in and of themselves, problematic. For instance, there is no need to dress revealingly - unless you want to attract guys who look for that sort of thing, which you probably don't. It doesn't hurt to flirt a little bit, but you don't need to be overt about it; just smile at the guys you like and take the opportunity to talk with them when it comes up.
And certainly, it is NOT a drawback to be smart and get good grades! There are some guys who are intimidated by a smart girl, but you don't want them anyway. A worthwhile guy will be attracted to a girl of intelligence. Those who prefer stupid, ditzy girls are usually pretty shallow themselves.
If you feel invisible, the thing to do is to change your ways to make yourself more visible. You say you're not easy to "get to". I'm not sure what you mean by that, but I assume that it means you are a private person who doesn't go out of her way to talk to people or make new friends. You're going to need to try to change that if you want the guys to see you as someone they can date. You might start by joining some kind of school activity, or going out with your friends more, or simply deciding that you will try to be less standoffish. It takes effort, but unless you make that first step, you'll be waiting a very long time for someone else to make it. Guys of your age are not experienced enough to look below the surface to find the Real You, and they won't make any effort to get to know you if you don't give any signals to the effect that you want them to.
Finally, don't stress out about it too much. You're 14 or 15 (presumably) and you're at the START of your dating life, not the end of it or even the middle. You have lots of time.
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Trust me. You'll find a guy who's worth it who likes smart girls. I know I did.
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DOn't worry about it. I asked like the same exact question and realized there is nothing wrong with this. You have four years left of high school to get a date and the rest of you life to find someone for you. You don't need to go out and get someone just because you're in high school. You may think that everyone has a boyfriend, butyou're just judging your friends. Think about the whole high school and how most of the school doesn't have boyfriends and girlfriends. It's not abnormal. It's not weird. Sometimes you may have to make the first move in order for someone to notice you. You may have been on the safe side in junior high and may dress a little reserved so people may think you don't want to date or you may look unavaiable. You may be on guys minds more than you think, but they may like you so much that they think there are a ton of guys that like you as well and don't think they stand a chance. You'll get a guy, don't you worry about that. Just don't sweat it and work on keeping up those grades. Good luck in furture life! =] <3
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