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my bf


Question Posted Tuesday January 16 2007, 7:47 pm

my bf is going off to college. he's a senior and im a few years younger. i thought i would be happy about it and glad that he was going and getting accepted into good schools but im not. i feel bad about it but im just not happy about it. do you think its because all of the stories about how they leave you when they go to college? we have been dating for around 5 years. any ideas or tips?

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MummuM answered Wednesday January 17 2007, 3:21 pm:
What you're going through and feeling is completely normal. You want to be happy for your boyfriend because he's getting accepted to great schools, but you don't want to be happy because you know he has to leave you. Obviously you're going to be more sad than happy for him, especially since you and him have been together for five years. Since you have been with him for so long, I'm sure you're very comfortable around him. I suggest talking to him about this and explain to him what you're feeling. I'm sure he'll try some way to comfort you and help you out during this time. Maybe a good conversation about your feelings and thoughts on this subject will help out some.


Just because he's going to College doesn't mean he's going to break up with you or find someone new, for that matter. You guys have been together for five years so obviously that means something right there; he loves you. I highly doubt he's going to leave you and a five year relationship for someone he just met. I wouldn't worry too much about what he's doing at College. If you guys love one another and trust one another completely, you'll have nothing to worry about. So, just talk to him about it and see how you feel after the conversation.

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Lyssa answered Tuesday January 16 2007, 11:29 pm:
I understand that you're upset by this situation, but when it's time to leave school, many people realize that a lot from the past is going to be left behind. Your fear is probably that he will leave you behind too, and you don't know how you're going to feel without him after all these years together. School love life usually stays in its walls, but it depends on the love, not the school.

No one promises you that you will be together forever, and no one knows if he will want things to stay as they are, but it is not the circumstances that make your relationship flower of fade; it is you. You might have been together before because you liked each other, and you may break up because you grew tired of each other. And finally, you may get back together in a few years, because due to your new life experiences, you suddenly changed into the people perfect for each other.

No one knows how things will turn out in the end, but when you both are growing older, it is time for you to learn to recognize the love when it is in front of you. Maybe I went a little off-topic here, but if you're so worried about him being away, you might want to ask yourself, if it's because you don't want someone very dear for you to be away, of simply because you don't trust him enough to let him live the life *he* wants to live.

Just know that if you really love him, and it is not the kind of love that ends after the school is over, you will have to learn to trust him and respect his freedom, because when you will go to college, you may want to have your freedom respected too.


Lyssa.

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BitsandPieces answered Tuesday January 16 2007, 10:35 pm:
I know this is not what you want to hear, but more likely than not is that you will be more faithful than he will be. You are both terribly young to make such a big commitment, so maybe think about letting each other off the hook before you get hurt. Just a thought...

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vailgirl80 answered Tuesday January 16 2007, 10:21 pm:
if you guys are really serious then a couple of miles won't tear yall apart.just don't think about him leaving think about him coming back to see you on his breaks.

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FrEe2bMe answered Tuesday January 16 2007, 9:17 pm:
I think how you are feeling is pretty natural. Thne key is to talk to him about it and communicate your feelings. Let him know that you support him through everything and that you are happy for him. But also, voice to him that you are weary of what's going to happen between the two of you. Don't avoid it, hard as it may be to address. You both need to know. Being in a 5 year relationship at this age is pretty substantial, so as long as your both put forth effort and are willing, it could last. You have to figure out what works for y'all best. You can set times to talk, and etc. The key again is to just communicate. And also keep in mind, if it does mean you two will break up, you still have the rest of high school left and sometimes we need a break to realize things. :)

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runawayxlove answered Tuesday January 16 2007, 8:04 pm:
hey, well you should have a talk with your guy. let him know that you know hes going off to college and that you know how college guys love to experience the college rush of hook ups. give him the option of what he wants to do. if you dont give him the option and he doesnt want to stay with you and hes just afraid to tell you, then hes just going to hookup with people and your going to get hurt. so im just looking out for you in this situation. im not trying to take away your boyfriend.

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