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what the eff
my parents are soooooo sheltered all my friends are out every night partying (not drinking or anything bad just having some fun) but my parents all they want me to do is spend time with the family. its not that they dont trust me but they "miss me" when im out with my friends. im sorry they dont like when im gone but its ruining my social life. they dont let me go ANYWHERE!!!!!!! ill ask to go to the mall and they so now we are going out for a family meal or we are going to visit grandma. being with your family is good but i NEVER have a girls night out. im down to like no friends because everytime they ask me to hang out my parents wont let me because they cant share me. my friends dont spend anytime at home they are always out doing stuff and its the complete opposite. i havent had a friend over in years and i think ive had 2 sleepovers that werent family in my whole life. its just retarted. they arnt overprotective they just thing its too much work to drive me around and they will miss me if im gone. they are wasting my teenage years i wanna hang out with my friends but my parents always say now and theres no argueing with them. im spilling my heart out right now because im crying because my friend asked me to go golfing tonight but my parents complained they were tired and now they wont take me. my social life is ruined because of them. i have no fun. 30 years from now ill think about my teenage years and have no memories exept being with my family 24/7 and spending friday and saturday nights with my grandparents. my friends are out every night without me having a blast and nobody has any inside jokes or memories with me because i never hang out with them since my parents dont want to share me with anyone else. family is important but i see too much of them and never leave this house i wanna effing punch one of them. i swear if they say no to me one more time i will burst. ive hung out with my friends like maybe four times in 14 years. my whole life. i just dont get it. i want my parents to let me be out with my friends everynight and im sick of my family wasting and controlling my teenage years. how can i let them know that its time to loosen up and let me have some fun?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
OK, I would definetely have to agree that that is being a little TOO overprotective. But keep in mind that they love you. And anyone that would want to spend THAT much time with you must really like you! But you also have to think about when you have kids, would you want your kids out all night? I know you dont want to be out all the time, but try to act like you enjoy it. If they see that you are happy when you are with them, they might think that you would want to go out and about sometime. I have to agree that if you try to compromise with them, they might let you. Spend Friday with them and go out on Saturday. I hope you see your friends more often!
Have questions?
Ask Keri!
kerizimmerman14@hotmail.com
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wow thats crazy im 16 and i thought i had it bad my parents never use to let me go out to parties and stuff and use to get so mad and argue with them and slam the door than they told me maybe if i get my act together i will go out with my friends i started doing the right stuff and going out and now that i hang out with my friends its not that fun sometimes it gets boring my point is to wait your time it will come you mad young talk to the closes person in your house may and tell them how you feel our talk to your mom this is not good for you i rememder i got so depress and end up trying to kill myself thats when my mom noticed i needed space dont do the same thiong i did cause you wil regret it just like me but tell them my story and tell them you dont want that to happen to you and take advantage of your life even if its boring try to make the best of it
hope i helped
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I know exactly what you mean. This is what had happened to my cousin, but she learned. The key thing that you have to try is compromise. Maybe try spending Sunday with your grandparents, but spend Friday and Saturday with your friends. Remember not to whine if they disagree. Ask them why they won't let you go out. Tell them that you love your family dearly, but you want to be able to hang out with your friends too.
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It does depend on your age. I wont lie.
When I was 16 for example my parents wouldnt even let me out past half 10 at night.
I hated them for it lol.
But now that I'm older I do understand their logic.
It's because they cared. And still do. They still ring to find out where I am if Im out late and I'm 19!
Also it maybe that your friends are having innocent fun, but your parents may think otherwise. There are so many programs on tv today and magazine articles focusing on how today's youth are doing nothing but taking drugs and drinking and going nuts. It gives the idea off that ALL teenagers are doing this.
The solution to your problem is called compromise.
You need to learn to communicate successfully with your parents. You need to talk to them, not argue with them, actually TALK. And they need to listen to you as much as you listen to them.
You seem to understand the importance of spending time with your family, which is good because in reality you need your family, they are your support system through all the friendships and relationships that breakdown over the years.
Sit down with your parents, without any distractions (such as tv) and talk to them about it. No one raises voices, remain calm, talk in a constructive way and explain to them how you feel and that you would like to have a social life because you need friends, that everyone needs friends or they just get lonely. That you appreciate your family greatly, but you need to get out and meet new people, need to learn life's experiences by yourself and make the mistakes to learn from them.
Your friends also need to learn to understand your situation. If they dont you have to question their worth and loyalty to you. Good friends will always find a way to see you.
I recommend start by introducing your friends to your family.
Begin by inviting one of your closest friends over. Let your parents see that they are respectable individuals, let them see how you interact with your friends maturely and sensibly.
That you are more sensible than most teenager that "be out drinking and going nuts".
It's all about getting them to see you as a human being with feelings and thoughts and not as a child anymore, get them to see that you're growing up and that outside human interaction will help you develop as a person.
If your parent know you're with people that they can entrust your wellbeing with, they will feel alot less anxcious and relax a bit.
Ask them what their idea of curfews are?
DONT say to them things like "well so and so's curfew is 3am!".
Adhere to their rules and compromise with them, for the first few months. Gradually they will relax more and give you more freedom when they see nothing bad is going to happen to you.
Often parents keep their teenagers from social lifes for fear they will get into trouble. It is often concern, but they dont tell the teenagers that and it is perceived as them keeping you locked up.
If you sit them down and explain to them calmly and actually tell them how you FEEL, then they will see that you are suffering because of the way they are behaving and that they need to change their approach to better the situation for all.
It will improve your relationship with your parents, because at the minute it does sound like it is strained and there are ill feelings toward them.
Talk. Tell them you accept and understand what they are saying and understand that they have responsibilities that make them too tired to drive, but that you would like to go out and would greatly appreciate it if they would come to an arrangement with you that satisfies both sides.
No human being can argue with someone that is talking sensibly and being polite to them and asking.
I hope I have been of some help!
Any questions or just need to chat, feel free to contact me.
Good luck!
-Shelagh
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