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Yes or No?
I am having to make a decision about whether or not I stay in my relationship with my boyfriend of just over a year. To clear my head I wrote down the good points and the bad points. Could anyone take a look at this list and tell me what they think - does the good outweigh the bad or vice versa? Are any of the 'goods' enough to keep me with him, or are any of the 'bads' indications that I have to end it? What do you think?
Thanks
GOOD
It is comfortable.
I understand him absolutely.
He understands me absolutely.
I need him in my life.
He loves me and finds me sexy.
He never looks at other girls.
I can tell him anything.
He is my best friend.
I don’t think I will ever find the connection I have with him with anyone else.
He is willing to work for our relationship.
BAD
The sex is not satisfying.
He irritates me.
I have little respect for him.
I often dislike him.
He doesn’t know how to touch me.
I am jealous of him.
I think he is arrogant.
I don’t find him sexy.
His self-importance frustrates me.
I want him to be more subtle and mature.
He thinks he is wonderful.
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Hi there,
I just stumbled across this and had to wonder why nobody pointed this out simply: A greater percentage of the "BAD" things on your list are things that are your perceptions, or your insecurities.
Example: "I am jealous of him." = I would be happier with someone more mediocre.
With this in mind, and knowing that a little time has gone by, would you leave some feedback and tell me what happened?
It sounds as though you had almost a hatred for him. If that is accurate, then the best thing in the world would have been to free him to find someone who doesn't secretly loathe him.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
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Well you have more bad points than good i would break it off...only if you want to though
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hhmm well he needs to learn to satisfy your sexual needs, thats for damn sure, but if u find yourself not attracted to him, then trust me on this one, you WILL start hating him and start being nervous when hes not around in fear of him holding you, or even talking to you. and if you have very little respect for him, then that wont help your relationship any. you guys need to both be fully into each other and care about each other enough to not care about how much the bad things upset you or bother you and focus on how to work them out. and you cant work on a relationship if the other person isnt putting any effort into it. well i hope my advice helped and that everything works out. =)
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Wow! This is a tough! The good and bad almost seem like complete contradiction!
The optimist in me feels that having looked at your list, the bad are things that can be changed. So that's a positive thing right?
For example, it seems the root of his bad points are with regards to the bedroom department. You've been together for quite a while and things can get boring. What you need to do is be assertive and spice things up! If he's willing to work for your relationship, as you've said he does, then he should be willing to try and improve your sex life. Tell him what things you like and what you don't like. However, in turn for fairness, get him to do the same. Make it a game, explore eachothers' fantasies.
The key thing here is communication. Don't be afraid to talk to him about how you feel, BUT be tactful.
Also, tell him what irritates you about him. Also, ask yourself why you don't respect him and how you and he can change that.
With regards to you not finding him attractive, that's another tough one. On the one hand, looks really don't matter, personality counts and when you're old and grey, being able to enjoy your other half's company will be essential. However, if you feel no sexual attraction to your partner, it will be a big barrier and perhaps cause you to have no interest or respect in him. And obviously it will not make sex enjoyable!
So, if you feel your feelings are not strong enough and that you need to be with someone you're really attracted to, then perhaps you should call it a day. However, if it's a minor thing i.e. the way he dresses, his hairstyle etc, stuff that he can improve then, again, vocalise this!
I hope I've been of some help and wish you all the best!xxx
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After you've been with someone for that long, the little things irritate you, but you have to decide if the relationship is worth it in the end. Maybe you could just sit him down and tell him you've been thinking about ending it because of some of the things he does that you don't like. Don't tell him the sex isn't good...maybe just give him some pointers or tell him of a new idea you've been having. The thing with long-term relationships is you have to keep things interesting or it will die away. Try some of the stuff y'all did when you first started dating. Going out to the movies, double dating, etc.
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