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One Virgin in a Million Fornicators
I'm a virgin and I want to stay a virgin until marriage. Don't get my wrong; this question is not about fighting perr pressure to change my mind. Actually, I'm worried about my friends. There are only 4 girls in my church youth group including me. The other three have all lost their virginity. (My youth group age range is 11-15 btw) One of them is a slut, mostly because she's gulliable and likes guys WAY TOO MUCH. Another one of them, my cousin, lost her virginity to a player, and now has fallen for another player, who is a guy in my youth group! He's the brother of the slut, and he's a manwhore, too. She's determined to make him fall in love with her, even if it means using her body to tempt him. She made a video for her of herself acting sexy and talking dirty. Luckily she hasn't given it to him yet. Now, outside my youth group... One of my long-time crushes (age 14) who also goes to church and was our 8th grade valedictorian... he's a teen father. He got his girlfriend pregnant. And she's only 14, too. So, I'm really scared. I don't want my friends to get STDs or get pregnant. I want them to have morals. Plus, if they are acting like this... is there anyone left out there besides me whose still decent? These people are Christians, you'd think they'd have some sense! But they don't! I'm already worried that I'm never going to be able to find a husband that hasn't been with another girl... Yet I'm so powerless because if I boss around my friends, they won't be my friends anymore. HELP! & Sorry this is so long!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I am sorry you are stressed out about this, I was in a similar situation when I was younger, I was the "good-girl" so-to-speak, and it can be a little confusing because of what is going on outside the church is the complete opposite of what is being taught inside the church.
Fortunately, you do see that their behavior is dangerous and it is good that you see it! What they are doing is DEFINITELY more dangerous than fun, but I think the real reason you are writing is that you feel "different" -- and it is really, really hard to be different, but you are doing great.
I think deep down, because you are just human, a part of you wants to be like them, but you can't and won't because you are wise of the consequences. Stick to that, and find friends with similar values.
And for goodness sake, don't worry about a husband now. When it's time, you are going to be quite the catch -- for waiting :)
Gypsi Laine
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Alright, first Im going to speak to your attitude. Because it could lose you alot of friends. You have a severe superiority complex, the use of the word Fornicators shows it plainly.
You are correct about your friends being stupid. They are immature and dont know/havent been taught any better. However, your attitude about being morally and religiously superior to them wont help things. You use derogatory terms to describe them, and Ill just tell you now that that serious level of judgement is no better in Gods eyes than what they are doing. You arent being a friend, you are using them to feel better about yourself.
Now, onto the meat of your question. You cannot teach your friends morals. Why? Because undoubtedly they do not look up to you. You have been taught more common sense than they have, but you are just as immature. They will recognize that, especially once kids get past the age of about 13 they think they know everything. Its pretty much built in. They would need to get information from a source that they decided knew more than they did. Which is a rare thing with teens these days.
Talk to them. Do not preach. By preach, do not tell them that what they are doing is wrong and they are stupid. The easiest thing to do is ask questions. Questions that will make your friends think.
An example is asking them what THEY know about STDs. Most kids honestly dont know that much, other than that they exist and can be passed during sex.
Dont bring up christianity in this. You commented that christians should have more sense. To be honest, most christians dont have any more sense about sex than anyone else. People who have a balanced view on sex usually approach it from a medical standpoint, not a religious one (because religion doesnt take medical fact into account in its beliefs most of the time) but thats a bit off topic. Again with being preachy, christianity wont make your friends think youre right, it will just make them think you think they are idiots, and will close them off to anything you have to say.
Just understand that they are entitled to make their own mistakes, and that the path you walk in life isnt neccesarily for everyone. A good friend will just try to help them help themselves, minimize the effects of the mistakes, and make sure that they are at least informed about the real life consequences of their actions.
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You can't force your morals or beliefs onto other people. Sadly, you'll have to accept the fact that just because people do bad stuff, doesn't make them bad people. People need to make mistakes in life to learn better. Luckily, you're one of the few who have a good head on their shoulders. You can tell these friends you're concerned, but if it doesn't get past them, then let it go. Atleast you can say you tried. Keep your chin up & stick by your morals, but don't expect the world to change. You'll be the one who gets much further in life.
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You can't make someone not be an idiot or have morals.
Just keep your head above all of the shit.
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hey ive seen longer. tell your friends how you feel. if they dont care theyre beyond saving. you might be tempted to destroy that tape but dont do it. try to get her to. tell them youre worried about it should help. if it doesnt im sorry.
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Unfortunately you can't force your morals onto other people. I applaud you for wanting to hold onto your virginity, I wish more people would. There are still quite a few guys with the same morals as you and I am sure you will meet a good one some day. You may have to work your way through a few "bad" guys first though.
As for your cousin, is there any way of talking her out of throwing herself at this man? You don't need to preach, but just point out the downside of sleeping around - STDs, HIV, pregnancy, disappointing her parents and just as important - being used and abused by guys who don't give a damn. Once they have got what they want they will just chuck her away like a used tissue!
Hold onto your faith and your mature attitude to life with pride. Be available to listen to your friends when they are dumped or in trouble and believe that one day you will be loved because of your morals. I wish you all the very best.
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