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He doesnt know how to love me.
My boyfriend and i recently got into a huge fight (again). It started because he was joking about buying cars, then said he would by me a hummer. He completely ignored the fact that my cousin was killed by one only 2 years ago. He claimed that he didnt know about it, but we've been together for almost 14months now, its almost impossible that i never told him. anyway, from there he got really pissed off at me and everything hes been mad at me for started coming out. He told me that he hates that im working full time, going to summer school, and preparing for my moms wedding that is in 8 days. His biggest complaint about them was that i have no time for him. He also told me that he doesnt want me hanging out with people from work. (we worked till 3 am one night then went out to denny's for food) He kept saying things like "i do so much for you, i always make time for you, i try to please you so much and i get nothing back" which is a total exaggeration. At that point i asked him, do you want me to quit my job? drop out of summer school? im not asking you to please me, i just hoped you'd love me. Then he said the big line, "I dont know how to love you"
What do i say to that? how am i suppose to react to him now?
we havnt talked for a week. he keeps going on about how much of a wreck he is, but ive been crying every night. I realize that we are both at fault for this, but i dont know how im supposed to feel about hearing that after he told me he loves me so many times before..
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it sounds like he kind of exploded all at once, doesn't it? i'm hoping he said those things in the heat of the moment, because some of what he said could be considered possessive and abusive. don't get all freaked out, he's probably not meaning it that way, but if he is telling you that he doesn't want you hanging out with your friends from work, that is wrong. he can not tell you who to hang out with, and if he says other things like that, please consider the fact that some day it could get more serious. it's not physical abuse, but it could be emotional abuse. no matter how upset with you he was, he didn't really have the right to say that to you. sounds like he forgot about your cousin's death, so you should let that go. he wasn't with you when it happened, he probably doesn't realize how sensitive the subject is.
he misses you, he just wants to spend time with you. you should consider the ways you can spend time with him. try to make more room in your life for him.
if you get into fights a lot, you should think about the reasons why. what are the fights about? are they always about the same thing? have any been successfully resolved? consider your answers to those questions, and you will know what you have to do. good luck..:)
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Hi, I think at first he should have gived what he said about the car a bit more thought before he opened his mouth. He was probaly keeping in all these thoughts to himself for a while until you said something and he sort of exploded out with all his inner feelings and things that he really had to get off his chest. This will need to be discussed over fast because otherwise your relationship with him is most likely going to be ruined. Ask him why he feels the way he does and think of a solution to solve it. Daniel.
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look if really loved you then he owuld help out with your moms wedding or tell you that you did a good job going to summer school or that you have a job and he would trust you and respect your feelings so maby you guys should frist talk and if that doesnt work break up i hope i helped:) email me if you need more help
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A) I'm missing how an inanimate object such as a hummer killed someone w/o it being operated by a person. A car doesnt kill someone. A mistake by a driver does.
B) Tell him to love you by supporting you and what you want.
C) Dont worry about him. Its your future you have to worry about; wether that future is with or w/o him is his choice.
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Now that you two have had a week to cool off by not talking to each ohter, confront him about "not knowing how to love you". Ask him what he meant by that. As for the hummer thing, maybe you didn't tell him and if you did then maybe he forgot. One of my boyfriends said something mean about people with diabetes once because he forgot that my mom has it. When I told him later that it pissed me off that he said that he was really really sorry and kind of embarressed because he forgot about my mom having it. When he started freaking out about all the things that were bothering him, alot of people do that, especially boys. I for one do. When something is bothering you and you get an opportunity to talk about it with someone, you start feeling shitty from everything else that's bothering you and freak out about that too. So give him grace for that because maybe that's just how he talks about things that are bugging him.
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Hey,
First of all,what you are doing right now, that you are not talking to each other,and are both mad at each other is totally wrong. Moreover, the fact that you cry day and night and how he keeps going on about how much of a wreck he is, is agian a wrong action.
On the other hand, the right action that should be taken now is for both of you to sit down together and talk about everything that happened and everything each of you said to hurt both your feelings. And you have to know that you both are wrong in this situation just like you said that you were both at fault.
And i have an opinion about everything that happened and was said.
First of all,about what he said at the very beginning that started the fight was kind of mean and really cruel,but no offense meant,but you may be dating for 14 months now, but i am sure that you yourself don't remember if you told him about your cousin thing. Because when you come to think of it yourself, why would your boyfriend, the person who has been with you for 14 months,loving you and caring about you, just suddenly get a cruel idea of making a joke and hurting your feelings. You were wrong in one thing, and that you kept accusing him of knowing about what happened to your cousin, when you weren't even sure if you told him.Therefore, the first thing you should tell him is that it was wrong of you that you exaggerated and kept accusing him of knowing about him and stuff, and say that you didn't really mean it,but its just that this topic really hurts you when you think about it.
Second of all,about your job and summer school and all these stuff you do. you have to explain to him how important it is to you, and how you must do it to earn money for yourself, and that its necessary,but then you have to tell him that you will do your best to spend all the time possible with him ,and instead of finishing work at 3 in the morning and going out with the people in your work, you could go out with him. Because he was right, i mean... you sit with those people from your work all day long and you see them more than you see him, so try to spend more time with him.
Third of all, he was wrong that he totally exaggerated and babbled alot of things that had no meanings.But just as you are willing to make a comprimise, and see what is it that bothers him, he should make an effort to be better to, and not to open topics that would hurt you.
And when you do all that, and try your best to spend more time with him, then he will do his part,which is to love you. Because when he told you that big line, he just meant that he doesn't see you that much anymore and that you are always busy, and thats why you aren't around anymore ,so he doesn't know when or how to love you, he just can't find the time.
So talk to him and do your best to please him, and he will give you all the love and care you want, but don't throw a relationship of a year and 2 months, because of some fight which may really hurt and which you may cry about , but it also may be settled down and worked out in less than half an hour. Therefore, all it needs is someone to be reasonable and sensible, because you guys love each other, and all he wanted from you is for you to be there with him much more, and he was actually trying to say that he loves you and wants you there for him, but in his agressive and harsh attitude.
So give him a chance, and give yourself a break, and try to figure out what i said, and consider some of it, and if you have any other problems, troubles, worries or concerns, and you need help and advice, then please be free to contact me.
Goodluck :)
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He misses you.
Just try talking to him. Tell him after the wedding is over... you'll try to make time for him.
Maybe take one day off and do something with him.
You have to tell him you're trying.
But you need the job and you need to go to summer school. And your mother's wedding is important too. If you're preparing for the wedding then ask him to come over and help?
You have things in your life to do. He needs to understand that but you should spend at least one whole day with him and show him how much he means to you.
He's probably lonely and feels like he's not wanted.
You just need to talk to him soon. About anything or how you feel.
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First of all quiting your job and summer school is not the answer. Without working how would you have any money? Without summerschool you would be behind in the fall. Your moms wedding will be over soon and he should realize that this is a HUGE deal. Its not like your mom gets married once a month or even once a year. It sounds to me that he is being immature right now, and chosing not to understand that you need to work, go to school and help with your mom's wedding. I think he probably said that he didn't know how to love you just to hurt you probably also because he felt guilty about bringing up the death of your cousin.
Once the wedding is over is it possible that you set aside one day or evening specifically for him and that you hold that time as sacred? As for not hanging with your friends from work that is a bit unreasonable because you spend 40 hours a week with them friendships and bonds are going to form. Why doesn't he get a job? That he will understand your life a bit better and make new friends so he is not so dependant on you.
I hope this helps, good luck with everything.
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