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Unwanted House Guests
Myself and my fiance are 26 and I have a 2 1/2 year old from a previous relationship. We have been together for 1 1/2 years and engaged for 1. Last week my fiance had a couple of friends that were looking for an apartment to live in. They are supposed to be moving into the ones where we live. Without asking me, Josh invited them to stay with us until their apartment is ready. It has been almost a week now since they came to stay. It made me really angry that he did not ask me if I cared if they stayed, he just invited them and told me they were staying. I'm upset because I am the one paying all the bills right now because he just finished college and has not found a job yet. Our apartment is really small and was cramped with just our stuff in it. Now our dining room is stuffed with their things and they have taken over our living room too. We only have a couch in our living room because it it tiny. At night after I get home from work I like to make dinner then lay around and watch TV for a while before I go to bed. Since they have been there I don't get to sit on the couch or watch TV. I have been coming home and going to my room to read. Josh gets upset with me because I don't want to sit out there with our "company". I wouldn't mind hanging out with everyone, but when I do sit in my living room I either have to sit on the floor or pull a chair from my dining room to sit on. I feel like my son is getting shorted by them being there too. He is used to having free roam of the house and playing where ever he wants to in the apartment. Now he is confined to his room and can not play anywhere else and when he tries to he gets into trouble for getting into their stuff. Then over the weekend we had a birthday party to go to for my grandmother. I made it clear to Josh the night before that I did not want them in the house while we were gone. When we got ready to leave the next day Josh handed them his keys so they could come and go as they please. It's like my thoughts and opinions don't count anymore. Then when I try to explain to him how I'm feeling he gets angry with me and thinks I'm being rude to them. I like my personal space and I hate it when I don't have it. Right now my space in majorly being invaded. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Josh thinks I'm too controlling on things like this, but I'm tired of being stepped on and used. How can I make him see my point of view before I just get angry with the situation and just kick all 3 of them out so it's just me and my son again?
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well first of all every josh i met in my life is a pushover...this one is different....well if you do love josh....you will explain to him and say you cant take it anymore.....or go to the guests and say i need help with the bills or we are ALL getting kicked out.... i know i didnt help much....sorry
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Hi, if it's that serious then I suggest you tell him to find his guests somewere else to go. Because if he can't listen to you and look at how your feeling, then really he isn't being a good boyfriend. Tell him that if this doesn't get sorted out then you will be moving out for a while. It is good also to be a little more agressive when speaking to him (not physically). Really tell him how you feel, and make it really clear to him. This is your apartment and they have been here long enough. Tell him straight and be a bit more agressive. Tell him in a way that will make him see your side of things. Daniel.
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ok, wow! I definately am on your side on this matter. In no way shape or form should he of just up and moved these people into yall's house without talking to you first. Not even to mention the fact that your the only one that is paying the bills. You have a home, it's not your fault that they dont. I would make them leave asap. You don't have to make up excuses or feel bad either, your the one paying the bills and having to deal with everything. You work hard all day and you dont need an excuse as to why you like to lay on the couch when you get off of work. Its your house and if you want to hang up side down from the fan thats your business! Talk to your fiancee and let him know that you dont feel comfortable with them being there and your house is to crowded for them to even be there. If he don't want to listen tell him he can go sleep in the car WITH them.
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Oh goodness!
You and your fiance need to communicate! I see you are trying to talk and he isn't listening. Not cool!
First of all, YOU are paying the bills. How dare he move his friends in without talking to you first!
Your guests need to contribute. If they can't, then they gotta go. And if that includes your fiance, then so be it. He isn't being fair to you at all...inconsiderate and selfish are the words I can think that best describes it.
Try having a DEMANDING conversation...Say "look Josh, I am serious about this and we need to talk". If he is argumentative and unresponseful about that then think about how it will be once you're married! A relationship is about compromise and it doesn't sound like he's holding up his end of the bargain.
I don't mean to be negative, but I can see your anger and I relate...I just got rid of an unwanted houseguest. Our situations are much different, but I can definitely sympathize with the whole space invasion thing. Sharing your home with someone can be very difficult and stressful! Especially when you have kids!
Good luck
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Jesus christ I agree with the columnist below- i would have snapped way before this and think you have the patience of a saint. If you and your fiance were sharing the costs of the house that's one thing, (still horribly inconsiderate not to ask you) but you are the sole person supporting all three men and frankly it's taking the piss.
By the sounds of it your fiance is being incredibly unreasonable and you need to get firm. If he's going to act like a petulant child I'm afraid its going to have to be reduced to a stat of treating him like one in that you lay down ground rules for what goes on in your house and the consequences if your wishes are ignored. For example, get these people to set a firm date for when they are leaving; make it clear that if they don't want your son getting into their things they must store them away and that he can play where he pleases; ask them for some rent or money towards basics like food and explain if they can't provide it they will be unable to stay. I'm astounded they've not offered at least a token sum- THAT is rudeness if anything.
You need to find a quiet moment with Josh and ask him to listen to how upset you are without interrupting you. Explain it's not about control but wanting to be respected and listened to by your future husband and in your own home. If what you've said here doesn't cause him to feel guilty or at the very least concern for your feelings I'm afraid it bodes less than well for any future this relationship has and yes, you probably would be far better off kicking all three of them out and letting them bitch and whine about how mean and controlling you are. Any sensible person will sympathise with your position. Unfortunately you can't force someone to see your point of view if they don't really give a damn about seeing it in the first place. If this is the first time something like this has happened try to talk it out but make it clear you won't put up with it. If not you need to have a serious think about whether you can stand for your son and yourself to be sidelined in favour of his buddies like this the rest of your life.
Personally and as an outsider I would far prefer to be single than be disrespected to this extent.
Add on: Bravo,glad it's on its way to being sorted
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OH my word, I'd be so pissed off if that happened.
I mean you need to sit down with your fiance, tell him what you are feeling. Communication is the key, if you are acting like you didnt care in the first place, that could be why he keeps doing things. BUT I can totally understand why you would feel like getting to the point of kicking them out.
It is a very huge violation of your privacy and your fiance should know that, its very rude that hejust invited them over and told you that they were staying.
I hate to say this but if I were in your situation I woulld threaten him, and be like.. I'm paying for the house bills, and its hard enough to make this kind of money, and let alone feed more people. Tell him everything you wrote up there, and try to make him understand, beacuse its important he realizes how frustrated you are.
It also sounds like you need to reevaluate your relationship wiht him, because if he thinks he can get away with stuff like this, wait until you get married, you know?
I hope everything works out for the best,
let me know how it goes!
<3
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