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Bipolar Disorder
It seems as if all my kids have their problems anymore. It's hard as a Mother to hold things together sometimes.
I am not quite sure how to deal with my Son's gf who has bipolar disorder. (they are 21 & 22) It's like walking on egg shells when I am around her. I do like her, it's not that, but she can be so mean sometimes. Her angry comments are hurtful, to our entire family, including my son. They really don't get along that well, but there is nothing I can do about it, I know that. He has to deal with staying or leaving because he owns that situation, not me. However in order to maintain a relationship with my son, I feel like I have to accept her. However, because of her treating myself and my other children badly. I am really confused. She is not on medication because she can't afford it and her own Mother kicked her out. We are really all she has right now.
Any suggestions?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Hi, I have an aunt and an uncle who are both bi-polar and it is very serious stuff. Actually, my aunt is in the hospital right now because she just had an "attack". She was doing weird things- I won't go into details, but she was very creative. The other people who answered that there is assistance for those who can't afford it are correct, but it may take a while to get it. BUT keep in mind that it's not always that they can't afford the medicine, but that they won't take it anyway. I know that sounds unreasonable, but it's true. We've been through this DOZENS of times. For some reason, they will up and decide they don't need their medicine, and they will lie about not taking it. It's part of the cycle.
For your sanity, please know that my aunt and uncle have never harmed ANYBODY, they just do strange and unpredictable things. And yes, part of it is lashing out at the people they love.
TALK to your son, tell him you care for his girlfriend and want to see her happy. Say you did some research about her disorder and have found that there are things she can do to get help. Give him whatever info you have, say you will help if they need it (not financially), then back away. Sounds like you are handling the situation well.
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If she's not on medicine beacuse she can't afford it then the state will pay for it. That's there job to assist whith low income situations. She need's that medicine, without it I can see why you dont really want to be around her. Call your local mental health and explain the situation to them and that she cant afford treatment. If they can't help you, they'll definatly tell you who CAN.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Once you have this information on who can treat your son's girlfriend, pull him to the side and let him know the name & number and that your just trying to help and that the place won't cost her. If he refuses, then I'd refuse he bring her to my home.
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Hi
You've received some great advice so far, but I want to add something.
You mentioned that you walk on egg shells around her, likely because you don't want to set her off. You don't need to do that. Just because someone has a mental disorder, it doesn't give them the right to treat people badly. I mean, her own mother kicked her out...that's gotta tell you something.
You sound like a very caring mother, and you need to put your family before your son's girlfriend. There's gotta be someway for her to get medication, but even with meds, her behaviour could still be offensive.
Make it known that although you do empathize with her situation, you will not tolerate bad/offensive behaviour from her.
Good luck, and just remember...it's not your responsibility to take care of her...she is an adult....and she's not your child.
Brenda
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First of all if she is living under your roof...put an end to that. You and your other children should not be subject to her nasty comments. Then just limit the time she can visit when she is having a mood. Not to mention there is no escaping her for your son. If he did want to break up with her (not saying that's the case),
he may feel obligated because she has nowhere else to go.
If she were on her own and working, she might qualify for help from social services for medication and medical help. She probably won't qualify living with you.
Even if her and your son are an item, even if you like her when she isn't in a funk, you are not obligated to subject the rest of your kids to her. The younger ones do not need to learn that behavior like hers is acceptable in anyway.
Its time to take your household back. Your son and his girlfriend are adults. Harsh as it may seem they need to start taking responsibility for themselves. You don't have to accept anything.
I realize I don't know the entire situation. Just know your obligation lies with those in your household who depend on you. They can't leave the situation so you may have to change it
to benefit them. :)
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You have no control over how she treats your son and other children, but you have every right to let her know what is unacceptable behavior toward you. Do not let her push you around. If it come to it, try to mantain a relationship with your son without her around (making plans just the two of you). She needs to be on meds, and obviously she cannot support herself. This is not your problem. Hopefully it is a comfort to you that they probably won't be together forever (judging by their ages and her instability), you really just have to be there for you son if he needs you, and keep her separate from him. I personally can not believe that he LETS his grilfriend speak to his mother is such a way. I really hope he wakes up soon, until then, just stay supportive and tell him (if need be) that you won't put up with disrespect and your feelings toward her has othing to do with your feelings towards him.
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