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he's not a virgin. i am. that might be the problem
i'm getting married soon to this wonderful guy. we've been together a few years and he's really wonderful. there's only one slight problem. i've done stuff with other guys, but i've never had sex. i've always promised myself to save it for my wedding night. my partner, on the otherhand, has had sex with several girls. this sorta bothers me because i know our first time together isn't going to be as special for him as with me, because he's already had other girls before me to compare to, and everyone knows your first time is the most special too. i'm just so jealous when i think of the other girls who got there before me and who had him.
for some reason i always ask him about his other girlfriends because of curiosity but when i find out more it upsets me. but i still want to know more. it makes no sense. i know he really loves me, but i always want to know if he loved them too and every detail of their relationship. i can't seem to focus on the present. i don't speak to my ex boyfriends but he speaks to his past girlfriends. we even ran into one once and they got on so well i felt so dreadful.
i don't know why i feel like this. i have a wonderful guy yet i'm letting these stupid worries ruin our relationship. why do i feel like this and what can i do?
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he may have had sex with other girls, but hes marrying you. and he didnt mind waiting to have sex with you until after you got married. youre obviously more special to him than those other girls. and the first time isnt neccessarily the most special, i know mine wasnt.
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why do you let him talk to his past girlfriends?- thts crazy. i know he wouldnt want you to speak to your past boyfriends- so why let him hurt you like that?- and jealosy is normal with something like this. youve just got to let it pass, and realize that yeah- maybe all those other girls got to him before you did but hey- you got to him last, and youre the one that will be with him forever. right? hope i helped, and good luck!
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Everyone knows the first time is most special? Darling, who is this everyone you speak off? What my everyone knows is that your first time is almost always awkward and uncomfortable…
I think what you need to accept and accept quickly, is that these feelings of jealously have no basis in reality. They are in your head and they are your problem. Your fiancé doesn't really come into this; the whole issue is taking place inside your own brain.
You need to STOP imagining that your fiancé has feelings that he doesn't say he has! That is worse then putting words in his mouth. Imagining that your first time together will be less special to him or that his relationship with you is somehow less important because of his past is offering him a gigantic insult.
He is marrying you! Do you think so little of him that he is the kind of guy who would go through with a marriage where he wasn't completely in love, devoted and satisfied? How you could you marry a man if you thought that he was perpetrating such a charade?
Your fiancé isn't doing anything wrong. He didn't do anything wrong in sleeping with other women before you, and he isn't doing anything wrong in remaining civil with them.
Next time you have a jealous thought; don't let it run away with you. Don't run it over and over again, don't let yourself imagine the gory details (the gory details of his past relationships are actually none of your business, unless they are directly effecting something happening in the present, stop asking about them) instead repeat this over and over in your head until you get it "He loves me. He is going to be with me forever. These feelings are unrealistic and pointlessly harmful."
If you trust him, then trust him. If you love him, then love him, and give him permission to love you.
If talking to him about these feelings and hearing his reassurances will help you, then by all means do. But make sure the conversation is about you and him and the way you two feel now, not about the past.
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Well, you're one of few that save it and thats self respect and I Respect women who do that. I can't say that for myself but I really do respect it.
look at it this way.. he has experience and experienced men are better in bed. not only will he be better he will respect you for waiting. He's a great guy because he loved you enough to respect your decision.
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It IS normal to feel this way, but you have GOT to let this go.It will drive you insane and slowly damage your relationship. Just because he had sex before and has exgirlfriends does not mean that your first night together will mean any less to him. He is all yours now. The other girls? They are long gone and I bet he is nothing more then casually friendly with them. You are the one he is marrying and wants to be with forever. Trust me on this, I am one jealous lady myself, and I have seen time and time again that it will get you nowhere.And the more details you get about the past, the more you'll obsess over it and compare yourself to them. Tell him your worries and how you feel jealous and why, it sounds like you could use some validation from him. Just don't ask for details because you'll be sorry you did. After you have this conversation, let it go.
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You know, its normal for that to bother you, especially going into a relationship with someone. When the other partner isnt saved, it feels like .. "wow, so you had to go through other girls to get to me .." but, I know your in love, but if you wanted to find a guy whos great and is a virgin, I know you could do that. But seeing as your getting married, you want to know about his past relationships because well .. your going to be spending the rest of your life with him.. I understand how it would makeyou feel horrible that he can still talk to his old girlfriends, but you need to weigh things, are those things going to make you jealous even when you have him? Because you pretty much have the guy, ifyour getting married, you know what I mean?
But are those things going to make you jealous? Make stress in your relationship?
Theres a lot you have to question here..
<3
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