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(un) offical boyfriend
14/f Sry it's so long. So there's this boy and he asked me out like 2 weeks ago I said yes. We've gone bowling a few times with friends and we hang out whenever we can. He comes to my play pratices and whatever he can whenever he can and vice versa. We put our arms around each other and cuddle and stuff but when ever any one asks either of us wheather it's offical or not we say no. The problem is my friends are giving me grief about this. They're like if your not offical then you shouldn't let him hold you and if your not offical and he decides to like some one else he could drop you and you'd get hurt and have no argument. The truth is idc about this and I know he won't just drop me. Does any body know how I can explain this to my friends nicely and does he have to like ask me to be his gf for it to be offical or does time make offical? I rate. Thanx
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Really, you need to ask yourself one question. Is it your relationship or your friends' relationship? There are no rules about this sort of stuff and you should do whatever feels comfortable to you.
Unfortunately, explaining these things to friends with strong opinions is a little harder. You may need to just stand up and say to them "I like him, he likes me and we enjoy spending time together. We don't have to be official to hold hands or put our arms round each other and we don't need to be told how we should be with each other."
It sounds quite harsh but at the end of the day, it sounds as though your friends are trying to get too involved. A lot of people break up because of too much involvement from outside of the relationship and I'm sure you don't want to be another one of them.
I also think you need to speak to this boy about it and see if he wants to be an official couple or not. See what he says and decide if you're comfortable with whatever decision he makes. If you're not, you can choose to stay with him or move.
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Most certainly tell your friends the truth tell him that you love him and you don't care what they say,and that actually it is offical,if they are your real friends they will support your decision and be ok with it,and it is offical the minute you say yes,hope your friends support you,hope I could help!
Jasmine,
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Tell your friends the truth, exactly how you feel, and if they don't understand then don't let it bother you. If you are fine with it, then just ignore them.
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Well I've been there and done that so trust me, I can help. My boyfriend of 7 months I just broke up with because I can't get over some of the things he has put me through. It was not that I don't forgive him, it is because I have trouble trusting someone after they hurt me. (He broke up with me prom night for another girl and flaunted in my face for two weeks straight and then came crying back to me.) I took him back and things were going great, but whenever he would talk about friends from school that were girls I would get accusatory and suspicious and we just started fighting real bad again. I didn't feel happy so I told him that maybe we should take another break. It has been about a month and a half now and now we are talking again. We are unofficial right now, because the whole friends and family thing. (They don't really approve of him and all that because they don't trust him and they believe he will hurt me again.) So basically we do everything we used to do when we were dating, and he knows that if he talks to any other girls or visa-versa, that I will not talk to him again. It just is more of a relief knowing that we aren't "officially" together. I think it actually makes it easier for me to trust him, because I feel like there isn't that big of a commitment, so there is less of a chance of getting let down and get hurt. So just tell your friends this: You like him and you care about him, and obviously he likes you too. You guys might not be "officially" dating, but it basically is like you are. There might be a chance he could just drop you for another girl, but in reality, that could happen if you guys were officially together too. Look what happened to me. And trust me, it would hurt either way, but it hurts way worse when you guys are both officially dating, and he betrays you like that. So tell them, that you guys are just taking it slow and that right now, being unofficial is perfectly fine with you and him. If he hurts you, he hurts you. You'll get over it. You are only 14. And there is plenty of more guys out there. Just tell them, that you know they are worried about you getting hurt, but you care about him and he cares about you, and that is all that matters, and you don't mind not being totally official just yet. They should accept it, if their real friends, and support your desicion. And about whether or not you guys really are official just yet, I'd say no. I only consider two people dating officially when they are asked out and it is completely clear that you two are exclusive bf and gf. If you just let it take time to become exclusive and then one day, "Oh... yea... it's been one month now... so we must be actually dating officially right?" it gets incredibly confusing. How do you know when is the right time for both of you, if you don't talk about it. Maybe he might not be dating you exclusively right now because he is too nervous to ask. Or maybe it is because he really doesn't want a real serious relationship just yet. Whatever the reason is, I think you should talk to him about it. That way it doesn't get confusing and frustrating. I think if you want to actually go out and date him officially then just ask him,"So, are we actually bf and gf? I was just wondering." Make it casual so he doesn't feel like he is being pressured or put on the spot about this. Trust me, straight out talking about it is the best way. I've been in a situation where I was unsure if me and a guy were dating. It was recently. I just got out of that 7 month relationship and I was single and this guy I met kept calling me his gf. I called him out on it after a week of hanging out and he said he didn't know what we were, and he didn't want to call us friends, or friends-with-benefits, so he'd rather call me that. I was fine with it, until I found out from his friends that he told them we were dating, and that we broke up the night before. I was like, "Dude, that is funny. How can two people break up if they weren't even dating?" lol. I didn't consider us dating because we never talked about it and he didn't ask me out. So I had no clue where he got that from! Basically what I'm trying to say is, talk about it. Ask him what he thinks. And that conversation could lead to him actually asking you out. If he ends up not wanting to be exclusive just yet. Don't get offended. Dismiss the conversation and act like it never happened, because there is nothing worse then a relationship getting awkward because of a conversation like that. SO if he isn't wanting to really date right now, let him know that that is fine with you, and then ask him if he wants to hang out sometime that week or something like that, to show him that you don't mind him not wanting to date right now, and that things between you and him don't have to change because of that. This is your and his relationship, not your friends, so don't let them pressure you into badgering him about it. If you are happy with it, then they should be too. They have gotten their point clear about how they feel about this so now it is your turn. Tell them how you feel and let them know they should be happy with your desicion. Best of luck hun. If you need anymore advice, note my inbox.
~Sherah
PS) Sorry my answer was so long lol.
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Go with your instincts on this. I think you are doing just fine. I'd remind your girlfriends that just because a guy makes her his steady doesn't mean he won't drop her like a hot potato or see other girls for that matter. There is no guarantee in life. Simply enjoy the moments you have with him. It may not work out for whatever reason, but then again it could end up everlasting. No one ever knows until your there. To me it sounds like a great start and you are developing a closeness that is beautiful to experience no matter how long it lasts. Good luck!
Namaste!
LULABELLE
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Honestly, I think you should tell her exeactly what you just said. If you don't really consider this to be an issue, because you have confidence in this young man to not just drop you, because you believe that he genuinely cares for you. Even if he DIDN'T consider you to be his girlfriend <u>officially,</u> the way he is treating you indicates that he cares for you.
I can't really tell you whether or not he has to ask you for it to be official, but you might want to talk to him about it. Get it out in the open with him (the whole official/unofficial thing) so that you, your friends, AND him <u>all</u> understand where exactly you stand. Your friends are probably only "giving you grief" about it because they care for you and don't want to see you get hurt. It may seem frustrating, but they just want the best for you. :)
-Avari
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