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Best Friend/Other Friend
This may be long so...prepare yourself.
I have a best friend and a 2nd best friend. Unfortunately, they hate each other. Last year my best friend and I made fun of my 2nd best friend endlessly. Then she found out...it was a long and terrible time where I realized how rude I had been. Finally she forgave me. But she never forgave my best friend.
My best friend got a boyfriend in September. I realized this meant I wouldnt be spending as much time with her as he went to a different school district so they hung out on the weekends. I only became super upset twice 1) on my 16th birthday weekend she chose to hang out with her boyfriend rather than me (and we did have plans...sadly they also included her boyfriend and his family) 2) she invited me over but spent 5 hours on the phone with her boyfriend with me just sitting in her bed watching tv. I think we only hung out once or twice other than that. The thing is, I hung out with my 2nd best friend during those four/five months they dated. She was there for me on my birthday weekend when I was a crying mess because my best friend didnt want to be there for me. We hung out and got closer. Then my best friend and her boyfriend broke up. Since then is when the trouble started...
My 2nd best friend got in a fight with another friend about my other friend writing Yellowcard lyrics and saying they were hers. Which led to my best friend telling my 2nd best friend to leave my other friend alone. Which led to basically a fight. I told all of my friends "I do not want to be involved in this fight." I was in an awkward position and had no idea what to do other than do nothing and let them all work out there problems. Well, my 2nd best friend insulted my best friend nad my best friend argued with her and such on so forth.
I had made plans with 2nd best friend to see FD3. Then my best friend invited me and I also told her yes. When I realized what I had done I had no idea what to do. I decided to go with 2nd best friend because 1) I told her yes first 2) she could get my little sister in also & my little sister really wanted to see it more than me. I think that made my best friend jealous even though we made plans to go see Date Movie that same weekend (later cancelled bc she went to Florida the same day as plans).
On Fri. morning I had to talk to a teacher and I was walking with my 2nd best friend when my best friend came up with my yellowcard friend. They say meet them in the caf after I talk to the teacher and I say 'ok' but the teacher wasnt in her room she was in the main lobby so I had to go to the main lobby. This causes problems because I saw my best friend/yellowcard friend in the hall and they thought I had just ditched them. I could tell my friend was mad because I said hi to her then and she waved but made a "whatever" face. Then I had another friend (not yellowcard friend) tell me later "this situation with your 2nd best friend and best friend is trouble. your best friend is going to do something soon." Then I get on the bus and my sister tells me that my best friend was talking about the situation to the lunch table. She said that she was upset mad something was wrong with her. I cant remember even what was wrong with her. Basically it all sums up to she felt I was spending to much time with my 2nd best friend instead of her. She thought I was making fun of her like we did to my 2nd best friend last year or something. I dont even know what she was thinking. I was so mad. I mean...shes telling everyone she has a problem with me but ME. And my other friend (not the yellowcard friend) is telling my best friend not to talk to me and I'll see what I'm missing.
Basically I call my best friend up and say "whats going on, I'd really like to know why you are upset with me" and I say "the teacher was in the lobby, not in her room. I could tell you were mad because I saw you make a face." she says "no I wasnt mad about that that was yellowcard friend". I said "well, what is this about" and she said "other friend (not yellowcard friend) thinks that since we are best friends you should have no problem telling 2nd best friend that you want to hang out with me" and I'm like "well, if this is about FD3 then I told her yes first. And also, when you were dating your boyfriend she was there for me a lot. I dont want to just stop hanging out with her because now you are available to hang out. I dont think that would be right." and she said "no I'm not mad about that weekend." I have no idea what other days she was talking about because my 2nd best friend and I havent really hung out maybe once or twice outside of school the past 2 months. She said that in the mornings she wishes I would walk with her some (which makes no sense because I try to split my time evenly but I dont know what to do when they both come to me and want to walk with me. I dont want to make the other one mad by telling them I'm walking with so and so because I know that they would both be upset I chose the other. I know thats the way those two are). She said "well I was talking to my mom and we both think its weird how when 2nd best friend says that you are her best friend that you dont say 'no best friend is my best friend' and I said "2nd best friend and I have an understanding about this, we've discussed this before. when she says I'm her best friend she means she thinks I'M HER best friend. She knows best friend is my best friend." Then she said "and it hurts that you didnt defend me when 2nd best friend talked about me. if someone was talking about you I know I would say something." and I understand where she is coming from, but I had repeatedly told both of them I didnt want anything to do with there fight because they had put me in a situation. I figured it was their fight and if they wanted to fight it they could go ahead but I didnt support either side. Then she went to work. While we were having this phone conversation another girl who sits at my best friends lunch table but is friends with my 2nd best friend told my 2nd best friend what my best friend had said about us at lunch. That made my 2nd best friend mad and she wrote this big long thing about it on xanga. My best friend texted me later and said "why did you tell 2nd best friend what we talked about" and I said "I didnt. That was "girl". Why do you have such a problem trusting me." Then we called and talked more. And I told her how 2nd best friend was there when she had basically ignored me while she was with her boyfriend (I cited bother incidents) I also said then we hung out once but the whole time we sat in fishbone while you flirted with the worker (twice this happened actually).
Apparently, to her, we resolved it. But I am still upset. I feel I did nothing wrong but have another friend. And my best friend felt threatened by our friendship and insecure by her. She assumed I was doing stuff I wasnt and it hurts that she didnt trust me. And that fact that she was mad at me when she did worse and turned my one friend against me really hurts. I dont know...she even made a myspace post about how she wants to leave this town and she cant talk to me and about basically how I have been a shitty best friend.
What should I do about this? I really want to say something about how I feel like I did nothing wrong but I'm not sure. Did I do something wrong? Any help with this problem would be MUCH thankful.
AND THANKS FOR READING THIS.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hey, I'm a good person so I'm going to actually give you advice. Haha
it sounds like your friends are way too emotional/sensitive if they are not forgiving you fully, etc... Do they truly care about you? It just sounds like all the things they have been arguing about are pretty immature and they are not willing to change.
What I would do is to try and talk to them again. Express your feelings and all that, even if they are unreasonable or they don't listen. Then I would stop hanging out with them so much- give everyone a break (so they can think about what they did to you and the other friends). Try making new friends.
Just aviod this complicated web of hurt your friends created, at least for a while. Things will change, don't worry. Later on you can be good friends again when they realize what they did and are more mature when it comes to arguments. :)
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nobody is going to read all of this, sorry to say but i stopped at the FD3 part i relaly really tried but yeah it's just too long shorten in out maybe
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