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How can I help a friend to stick up for herself?
I'm really troubled by the way a close friend of mine seems to be compromising her values for her boyfriend. She has always been really strongly against illegal drugs of any kind. And her boyfriend uses drugs. I think it's just pot, not anything harder (though I'm not sure), and he's not a serious addict or anything, but that's still enough to bother her a ton. Even worse is his attitude about it. She complained that him using drugs made her uncomfortable, and then the next time he was going to a party, he told her that he wanted her to come along only if she promised to "behave" (that's the exact word he used) and not complain at all. She's told him that this bothers her, but she also keeps making excuses for him, and won't stand up for herself.
I really want to discuss this with her, try to pump up her self-esteem and encourage her to stick up for herself and her values -- except for two problems. One is that she and I used to date, and she knows that I still like her, so I'm worried that she'll think I'm just trying to break up her relationship. The other is that I found out most of this stuff by snooping around. I only did that because I was worried about her, but it was still wrong, and I'm sure she'll still be mad if she finds out.
So even though she needs help, I don't think I can say anything -- I just have to let her figure it out herself, even if that means she'll get hurt. Am I right about that? Is there anything I could do (maybe something a lot more subtle than bringing up the topic directly)?
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THis is a real serious subject. I mean think about it your friend is surrounded by a pothead. he says he's no addict, well tell me how can you be sure. No you can not let your friend get hurt. If he was willing to ask her to come along then what do expect to happent the next time? Rape? Using drugs? Death? These are just a few of the possicbilities. Look try once more to just sit and talk to her. Be sincere, talk from the heart. If this doesn't work then talk to your parents and her parents. It is only fair that you tell them what is going on. She will probably be realy mad, but when she comes to her senses she will realize what a great friend you are and thank you. Would you rather let her hurt herself or do something about it? I know you already know your answer. Listen to what your gut and heart is saying, in the end it will feel much better and you will thank yourself.
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You have to do something and stop her from getting dragged into the world of drugs herself. Perhaps you should introduce her to me, lol, I'm very against drugs.
Your right, speaking to her yourself may just cause her to turn on you and that would be the worst thing as if you cannot stop her, at least you can be there to catch her when she 'falls'. What I would recommend is to speak to one of her close girlfriends and have them talk to her about it. That way she may pay attention more as it is someone who she would not suspect of wanting to break up her relationship. Have them remind her how much she is against drugs and maybe even stick in the fact that dating soemone who is for something you are so against is a bad thing.
Perhaps he isn't worth saving, but maybe have the girl remind her that a strong attitude against it may even bring her bf off it. I know this will sound like I'm bragging so I apologise, but last month I was not only able to prevent my bf and best friend from trying it, my attitude towards it and to people taking it has persuaded one of my other friends to come off it.
If you care for her as much as I think you do, you have to do something to help save her from this, no matter what the consequences are for you.
If all else fails, be there for her and help her whenever you can. Maybe eventually this will help her see the light and how a guy should treat a girl.
I hope things turn out okay, let me know what happens
Sapphire Lily xxxx
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Your right she will probably get mad if you butt in but sometmes we have to do what is right even if that means losing the thing we want the most. If you dont do anything it will get worse eventually she may be tempted to do it and she may in more trouble than she already is. I know that getting into peoples business is wrong but ask yoursefl if you dont do anything will something happen to her. If you dont know the naswer then you should say something. If she is really your friend she will listen to what you have to say.
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