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liars
I have a workmate that has a problem. She is an extremely nice person and has plenty of friends and I quite like her as a friend too, the only problem is that she constantly tells lies. I have found that when she starts talking now I just switch off because I can't believe anything that she says. The other people that we work with feel the same way and we feel that even though she is a nice person we have just lost all respect for her. I have tried to catch her out on her lies to let her know that she can't keep getting away with it but she just lies her way out of it. I have even confronted her about this but she just denies it.One of her most recent lies was that her father has cancer which I know is not true because I have spoken to other family members. Not all of her lies are big like this one in fact some are just so insignificant that you would wonder WHY BOTHER?
What makes some people do this (feeling inadequate?) and how can I help her to overcome it.
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Dear Concerned Friend,
I think you are correct in your observation that "feeling inadequate" is probably underneath your coworker's deceptive behavior.
As you know, unless a person can admit that they have a problem, they are next to impossible to help. If she is invested in this behavior, she may not want to change and it matters not that it makes no sense to anyone else.
At the most, you can continue to be upfront with her about the toll her dishonesty takes on your relationship. Be specific about this with her, and remember to state how it makes you feel when she is not honest with you.
Other than this, you can't do a lot to help her overcome her decision to be dishonest with herself and others in her life.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Hmmm, she could be a sociopath. I'm reading an informational book (written by a someone with a PhD) called 'The Sociopath Next Door.'
Sociopaths are usually well known and liked.
Chronic, chronic liars.
The nicest people you'll ever meet (until they hurt you mentally or otherwise)
Famous for crocodile tears
they like to say "you owe me" to get you not to tell when you find out thier dirty sociopathic secret.
and live off of PITY.
They love pity. They'll make up stories about family members having cancer, bad childhood, dead housbands, you name it. Some have blood lusts, like Hitler, but most live day out thier day to day lives, hurting you without you sometimes whithout you realising it was them.
1 in 20 people is a sociopath. They can feel no guilt, have nobody they truly care about, have nobody they actually love and will do anything to get ahead. They don't understand the difference between right and wrong.
They can and will become your best friend if you cannot spot them. They'll make you think they care and have feelings. They'll use you and leave you high and dry.
She could just be a chronic liar who needs attention though. I wouldn't try to change her.
Instead, maybe you can spend your energy on people who need you more.
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I had a friend that lied to me, but it was for a good reason, he lied to me about comein to our band practice to get ready for a show, and he told us well it was his dad's birthday and couldnt go anywhere, well i caught him doing it by asking someone who went, i confronted him about it and he told me he didnt want to be in the band anymore and felt he was holding us back, just try confronting her and asking her why she lies, and tell her that she doesn't need to lie because everyone already thinks shes is a good person.
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May be she is just so bord with he life that she feels the need to lie about stuff or maybe she just wants to get attenion and her lieing is what helps her. What is see doing is just to ingnor her like the cold sholder dont have any contated with her then after awile shell come up to you and ask whats wrong you can just say your really not comterable with people who lie thats all.
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