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need advice
I was in a realtionship for 4 1/2 years and was engaged to him for 6 months, when all of a sudden he wanted to end things. There was some things that happened in my childhood that I never told him, but I told him last night was happended, even though we are not together anymore. I was sexually abused as a child but it has stopped for almost 15 years. I am now 24. I still want this guy in my life, but I need help first. He did not leave me because I told him what happened. I just felt like he should know. Me and him have shared a lot of stuff, and even he agreed that some of the reasons he left me were because of how I acted, because of how I was treated as a child. I was wondering if there is anyway you can help me out. Any help would mean the world to me. Thank you for your time
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I think you are brave to tell him what happened to you i was sexually abused when i was a kid by 3 men and one of them was my grandad when i told my ex what happened he took it quiet good but had a bit of time to get used to it but he was ok with it. it took me a while to talk to anyone about it i did not think it was real and did not like to think my grandad couls do somethng like that to me just give him time he will come round and talk to him and assure him you will not let it get to you and you will get help hope i helped.
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I'm not exactly sure what you're asking -- how to get your fiance back or how to get over the abuse? So I've got answers for both of them:
1. The fiance would have to decide for himself whether he wants to renew his relationship with you. I don't think you should push him about it, as it's likely to scare him away. He might go back to you and he might not. If he does, though, make sure he's not coming back out of pity -- poor child, she was abused, I'll make her better, etc -- because that's not a good reason to date someone, let alone marry them.
2. There are many support groups for survivors of sexual abuse; in addition, you can also seek individual therapy. If you just google some key words like "sex abuse survivor" then you could find a lot of good websites with advice on how to handle the problem. I do applaud you for reaching out to your fiance and I hope you can reach out to others as well.
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i think you should tell him that your sorry but you cannot change your past and i think you should go to thearpy... well i hope i helped if you have any more questions drop one in my inbox...XoXDoNnA
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You have been living with a difficult problem in your life. It's good that you told your former fianc￩ about the abuse--talking about it is a step in the direction of healing. I'm very glad that you decided to consult the elder service for help. You don't say whether you have had any kind of counseling, but I'm assuming you haven't. It is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL that you seek therapy as soon as possible. It will help you learn how the abuse has affected your behavior and actions and how you can overcome any negative effects.
I am going to give you two web-sites to assist you in finding help and support.
phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/html/nfntsxagrsexadult_e.html
This is a long one! I had to type it a couple of times before I got it right. This site is from Canada, but gives quite a bit of information about adult survivors of sexual abuse, and lists some informative books.
darkness2light.org/GetHelp/national.asp
This site gives you links to adult support groups and adult treatment. It's focused in one area of the country, but there are links that will help people anywhere.
Please seek counseling as soon as you can to help yourself live a less troubled life. You may learn ways to get the guy back in your life, if you still want him.
I hope I've been of some help to you. I'm not an expert in this area, but have called on my life experience, including consulting with my daughter, who works on an abuse hotline. Feel free to contact the elders again at any time
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