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how to end a friendship
I am a 20-year-old woman and have a friend of eight years whom I'm trying to break it off with. She calls me her "best" friend but lately I've realized I don't even like her -- I mostly stay with her out of habit. I mean, she is an okay person and I wish her the best, but I'm not especially fond of her and I'm tired of having to support her and let her cry on my shoulder all the time (this happens a lot, as she has a rough life and some issues with depression and cutting). She also has a tendency to get angry over very small things, and after I had to apologize for the 100th time for making some little remark which would not have offended anyone but her, I realized I didn't want to be friends anymore -- I am not getting enough out of the relationship for what I put in. I thought I could "lose touch" with her and the relationship could die a natural death, so I've avoided her for a month, not returned calls and so on. But she has come to me and demanded to know why I am acting this way.
If I tell her the truth -- that I'm not angry but don't want to talk her -- she'll never believe that. If I tell her I don't like her behavior (getting mad so easily etc), she will apologize and promise to change, I will get softhearted and forgive her, then after a few weeks she'll get mad at me again for no reason and round and round we go. (I know because this has happened before.) How do I resolve this without (A) deeply hurting her or (B) leaving me stuck in a friendship that does nothing for me?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
im am so sry. that the advice im about to give you is not my best but it may work. just say in a gental sofhearted way im sry but i have to end this friendship b/c im not getting enough out of it.hope i helped plz send feedback.
~*pugluver*~
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I cant promise anything, but ive got something. the kind of person youre dealing with is called a CLINGY person. My simple advice is this, listen to my complex advice!
1.) she desperately needs a therapist, and she'll hate you at first for even recommending something like this, but it could save her life!
2.) She needs to find new friends that have stuff in common with her. Bring somebody over that will connect with her, but wont recommend suicide or anything.
3.) hopefully she'll connect with this person enough to give you a break, and cry on her new friend's shoulder
Im glad that you gave me enough information to give you what I had 2 give u. I hope it works!
signed,
M.J. (askannette)
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It sounds to me that the reason this person seems to be so clingy and demanding is because nobody else will put up with her. So she dumps all her emotional problems and baggage on you. She needs a man, but she's not gunna be able to get one if she's always so insecure about these seemingly harmless comments. You do need to tell her the truth about what she does and how it bugs you, no matter what you think she'll say. Tell her you know how she'll react. Don't go softhearted. At the same time, highlight her good qualities(she has to have SOME). If it gets messy, it gets messy. But the two things she needs is a man and a therapist. You have to tell her how you feel about your friendship, if you don't you'll be screwed forever.
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I've totally been there and I have to say its one of the hardest situations I've ever been in.
After a few months of avoiding her she emailed me and confronted me. after careful consideration I told her while I cared about her and wished her well I think the friendship had run its course. It wasn't good bye forever, but I think we had grown too dependent on each other (ok, she on me, but i didn't want to lay it all on her) and I thought maybe it was the best if we took a break. Look, I still think about her and sometimes worry if she is ok or not, but really I am happier without her in my life. I don't know if this is the right thing for you or not, but this is what I did.
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If she wouldn't believe you if you said "I'm angry and don't want to talk to you" she'll sure as hell start believing you if you put that not talking to her thing into action. At first, she'll probably bother you a lot, but gradually it would probably go away... though, then again, she honestly sounds like the restraining order type. You'll just have to wait and see how it goes, but it definitely won't be easy to get her out of your life. Continue to avoid her attempts to contact you, is all I can say.
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I think you should advise her to get a therapist or something..so she won't have to lean on you all the time. I understand you may be annoyed of her..but there's no way you can ditch her without hurting her feelings.
I guess you could change your phone number and avoid her completely and pray you don't run into her-ever.
You could introduce her to a guy..maybe that will cheer her up and make her less dependent on you.
OR if you really don't care..straight out tell her that you're getting really sick of all this whining..just don't give in. Maybe tell her over AIM/email so you won't have to face her "sorry" look.
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