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self-mutilation.
My friend is having a really hard time in her life right now and i just discovered that she started cutting herself. Im the only one that she told, and i don't want to break her trust by telling the school cousiler. The cousiler knows about her having a hard time right now, becuase she talked to her, but now about the cutting. So, like i said, im the only one that knows so if the school counsiler finds out then shes going to know that i told her. I know it 'would be best' if i told the counsiler, but i'll feel like ive betrayed my friend. What is the best way to tell my school cousiler about whats going on, or at least try to help my friend?? THanks for any help.
<3
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Let me share a story with you, this is a true story from a patient that suffered from Self-Mutilation sindrome. Please read below:
"Self-Mutilation" in Psychiatry -- One Patients View
Once, on a March night, I returned to my hotel room in a state of extreme psychic distress. I found suicide inviting, but could not bear to abandon my children. I found myself searching for a sharp blade, but could not find one(I had packed only what was needed for a short stay). Finally, I put a disposable raiser into my mouth and bit down hard, freeing the blade within. I was then frightened as well, because I felt I was slipping out of control. I had no more idea of what that hand with the blade would do than if it were the hand of another person. I gently dragged the blade over my body, taking in how it felt. When it felt right, I pushed it hard against my skin and slid it along. I cut again and again and again... To my great surprise, the tension and anxiety eased. I felt some pain, but also a powerful almost erotic pleasure. Who would have thought that one would become hooked after the first try.
I cut often for the next 7 months or so. In the end I was hospitalized for mania, and after that had little desire to cut. I was lucky, most cutters continue for years. Also, I never cut deeper than the skin, when I reached the point where you could lift up the skin on one side of the incision, while the other side did not move I stopped (more often I started a new incision). I liked seeing the blood flow in little streams along my skin. Several times I wrote angry notes to my estranged wife, in blood. Once, I cut with a girlfriend present, and we she played with the blood, making designs upon both herself and me. My cutting produced scars and keltoids very similar in appearance to the results of decorative cutting shown in the body-mod E-zine. The designs were far less artistic, and I eventually began to use "steri-strips" (essentially a kind of tape for skin) to hold the wounds closed and reduce scarring.
Other than the time I cut with my girlfriend (that was essentially a command performance), my cutting had features that are in common with the overwhelming majority of cutters:
1) Mounting anxiety, anger and agitation. In my case anger was the major component.
2) This would reach a point where I experienced being in an intolerable and uncontrollable situation, from which there was no escape (other than perhaps cutting).
3) I experienced an irresistible need to cut. I saw no alternatives.
4) Cutting done in alone and in private.
5) Rapid but temporary relief following the cutting.
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Note- The above are paraphrased from the criteria of "Deliberate Self Harm Syndrome". The list above is in the order in which the patient experienced the symptoms, and emphasizes how they are experienced by the "patient" rather than observed by the "doctor".
"Cutters" are all different. This patient intended to make many shallow cuts, while some make one or two short deep cuts. Some cut to experience pain, while others cut to lose blood. Many cutters engage in other forms of self injury, most often burning, while some self mutilators don't cut at all, but only burn, or break bones, or ..There are documented cases where cutting seems to have been "contagious". Outbreaks typically occur in institutions, such as prisons and some mental hospitals. In one correctional institution for girls over 80% of the inmates began to cut, during one outbreak.
Intentional harm to oneself is surprisingly common, it has been estimated that 0.75% of the population engages in "self-mutilation" (note that self-mutilation has become the accepted term for self harm, even though the "mutilation" is often mild). Thus, with the exception of the mainstream body-mods, such as ear-piercing, small tattoos, etc., self-mutilation is more common than body modification. For comparison, the major mental illnesses, schizophrenia, and manic-depressive disorders each has an incidence in the 1% range.
Self-mutilation covers a wide range of behaviors, from making shallow cuts on the skin (cutting) to eye enucliation. The severe forms, such as eye enucliation or castration are extremely rare, while cutting accounts for most of the self harm, followed by burning and then bone-breaking. By definition, self mutilation does not include suicide attempts, or injury that is incidental to another activity, such as masturbation. In short, it includes injury done with intent to injure, but not to kill.
Self-mutilation usually causes severe suffering for it's practitioners. Those who cause serious harm require hospitalization to treat the injuries and have long painful (and expensive) recuperation's. Most cutters feel very alone, as they are not knowledgeable as to the widespread nature of the practice. A sense of social isolation arises, as they different from "normal" people. They have conspicuous scars, which cannot easily be explained, and often wear long pants and long sleaved shirts all year round. I have heard it suggested that cutters turn to piercing, etc., as a more socially acceptable outlet for the need to experience injury. In this vein, I have several ear piercings which I actually enjoyed getting, while others seem to regard piercing as something to be endured for the sake of beauty.
Cutters tend to be far more likely to be female than male. Cutters also have a large likely hood to have an eating disorder, particularly bulimia, or anorexia. Often a person will cut for a period, then stop cutting, but become bulimic and so on. Self mutilation is often regarded as being part of the personality damage which results from childhood sexual abuse. In this patient case, however, it appears to be a way to deal with some of the less pleasant mood states resulting from manic-depressive illness. Cutting is almost allways a method to deal with a more fundamental problem. One is often worse off if cutting is stopped without first treating the underlying problem.
I don't think that you would like your friend to end up like this, just because you'd be betreaying her trust. You need to take action NOW.
To get a better perspective of the phenomena, I recommend the following books and web sites (and referances therin).
Books: Bodies Under Siege -- Self-Mutilation in Culture and Society by Armando R. Favazza, M.D. This is generally regarded as the best overall book on the subject. If it has any drawbacks, they are that it devotes too little time to minor mutilations such as superficial cutting, and the causes thereof. On the other hand there is a wealth of information on severe mutilation, especially in other cultures. This covers such related topics as castration of Chinese men who intend to work for the emperor, scalping, etc. which are not strictly Self-Mutilation.
Women Who Hurt Themselves -- A Book of Hope and Understanding by Dusty Miller. The emphasis of this book is upon victims of childhood abuse, which accounts for many, but not all self-mutilators. Within this range it is very good.
There's also Web Sites you may visit for more info:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) (Secret Shame)
How to Get Help: I have not located many sources of help that are specific to self-mutilation.
The first step is to recognize that your friend is not the only one that does this, and that it is treatable. The Secret Shame website gives things one can do to lessen the need for cutting.
Patients have occasionally been able to defuse their desire to cut by talking to a friend. So by your friend telling you, she is in the right track, accepting it. Tragically, some cutters are so socially isolated that they feel they have noone to call, at least no one they trust.
You can also visit the secret shame website at [Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
If your friend is a victim of child abuse, severe trauma, or she have another condition(i.e. Borderline personality), then seek help for that condition first. Most cities have self help groups which meet in person, and there are also resources on the internet. For general mental health issues, try Internet Mental Health at [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). For topics not covered one can use Yahoo, or other net directory services.
Rock Creek Center has an inpatient program specifically for self-mutilation and they have an 800 number, 1-800-DONTCUT. They have information packages and can help by giving referrals.
Most of the psychiatrists and psychologists I have talked to have some knowledge of self-mutilation. Most self-mutilators can benefit from professional help, and should attempt to attain it. Be warned that finding a compatible therapist is quite difficult, often the first one will not be appropriate for you. Where I live there is some free mental health treatment available, to anyone. I also know of people on medcial assistance (in the US) who are able to get very good care. If you don't have money, you can still get treatment. Where I live, there is a "first call for help" telephone number, for people who need help and don't know where to get it.
I know it sounds scary and a lot to handle. This is my advice, get an adult involved and provide them with this information, or you can call yourself and ask for help.
I hope this helps.
Blu
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What I would do, instead of telling the school counselor, is encourage your friend to see someone outside of school. In case you didn't know, cutting isn't usually a suicide attempt and won't end in her dying. It's a way of dealing with emotional pain by creating a physical pain to distract from it. I'm not sure if that the best phrasing but that's the gist of it. Let her know that you'll always be around if she needs someone to talk to or anything. But it's important to make sure she will talk to someone. If outside counseling isn't available then I would reccomend that your school counselor finds out. That will probably end up with her parents finding out, I'm not sure if that would help or hurt the situation so it's best to take that into consideration.
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your in a tough sitution because by telling the school counsiler your going to hurt your guys friendship but by NOT telling the counsiler your hurting her and putting her life at risk and her helth. What you should do is talk your friend in to going to the counsiler and tell her if she goes that you will go with her. and you have to make sure she goes tell her if she doesn't go that you are going to go with out her and tell the counsiler what she is doing. and if she gets mad then your going to have to except that and go anyways because if shes your friend you can't stand by and watch her hurt herself. hope i helped
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your in a tough situation..maybe go to the counselor and express concern for your friend and causally ask:
' do you think she is cutting herself? maybe you should check her wrists"
and then the next time shes with the counselor, the counselor will just "happen" to notice her cuts
try that at first..if it doesnt work you neeed to tell someone. shes your friend.friends dont let each other harm themselves. i wouldnt let any of my friends cut themselves and not tell someone about it...
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She definitely needs help.
Unfortunately if you are the only other person who knows about it, she has put you in a tough spot.
Not telling could be very detrimental to her health. You may have to tell someone just to keep her alive and well.
She would get mad at you but you may have no choice. Better mad than no longer here.
Not to mention the guilt you would feel if something happened to her and you hadn't said anything. Much to big a burden for you to bear.
I have a website that will help you out. It was written specifically for friends of those who cut. Hope it is useful to you.
Should you decide to tell...do not feel guilty about it. No matter how great a friend she is, you can't take on her problems for her. She has to do that herself.
Good Luck. :)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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