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What's going on with me?
Well I'm a 16 year old girl.
Ok. To be blunt, ever since I was about 6 I have been praying that my parents or someone would abuse me or give me a reason to run away and never come back. I am trying to end this cycle but nothing has helped so far. I guess ever since I was little I never felt good enough for someone to love me. When I was younger I was always causing trouble in order for them to get sick of me and tell me what I already believed was true. Is there something I can do to end this cycle?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Wow...
I think you should accept it: you're loved. Don't try to make someone not love you. :) If people like you, why try to run away from it?
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Life can be very difficult when you suffer from self loathing, which is what you sound like you are suffering from, I know that because I also suffer from it. It lead me to live a life almost entirely of lies and pretending to be things that I wasn't, and also lead to me ending up as an alcoholic. I got sober just over two years ago and have spent much of the last two years trying to come to terms with my self loathing, it has been very difficult and took me so far down that I even attempted suicide, and I'm not completely there yet as far as dealing with it is concerned but I feel that I'm through the worst of it. Please get some professional help and advice before this situation gets any worse, you have a lot of living ahead of you and you need to start to enjoy it.
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You need to realize that people are going to love you in your life and your going to have to let them love you. running away is not the answer. because your parents probably really care for you or you would of been gone. You should be highly thankful that you have parents that love you. I no a kid that reciently commited suicide because he would come home to a mom who hated him. You need to look around and see how lucky you are.
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It sounds like you need to talk to a professional about your problem. You have had it a long time. It may be the only way to make it stop.
Is your relationship with your mom a good enough one that you can talk to her about it? If so then do it. Tell her you want to see a doctor about it.
If you have a regular family doctor, they should be able to refer you to someone who can help you. :)
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