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dont know what to think
i need very sound advice on this. My ex and i ended because of something really stupid, and he was so hurt that he just jumped right into another relationship. After months of being with his gf he was telling me he still had feelings for me, but i was so angry and hurt still that i didnt let him know how i really felt!
My ex and i had a long history. Weve been broken up for a year now. Him and his ex broke up just recently.(they break up alot, but always get back together) This is their longest break though.(theyve been together for a year now) Him and i talked the other night for 1 1/2 hrs. During the convo it came out that i still had feelings for him. (he thought i hated him) His first question that he always wants to know is, if i have done shit with any guys. I told him yes, just 1. Hes always been very respectful of me when it came to sexual stuff. (We kinda did it, but i never let him go in all the way). He asked me if i have wanted to, and he said that he has! Then he said "Bad?" He also asked if i had any questions about us wanting each other, and i said, "How do you feel?" and he said he really doesnt know.
Im not gonna sleep with him so you dont have to comment on that. Anyways, i saw him kiss his ex on the cheek today, and him and i have plans to hang out tomorrow. Theres so many ugly thoughts running through my head that i dont know what to think.
He would never take advantage of me like that (because he never has before) But why is he thinking about doing it with me? Is it because maybe he hasnt gotten in awhile and hes horny? (thats 1 of my ugly thoughts)
I dont want to really talk about her when we hang out, and i dont know if hed be 100% honest with me if we did. He talks better to me in person than online, since we havent been together, but im the 1 that IMs him all the time.
I was really hoping we could work through things, and someday get back together.
My biggest question is, Do you think he just wants sex from me, and why??
Any other feelings or comments about this i would greatly appreciate!
Thanks!
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It is possible that he only wants sex. Not necessarily true but definitely something to keep in the back of your mind.
If he cares he will wait until you have re established your relationship. Let him know you don't take having sex lightly and are not going to do it just for the heck of it.
If you didn't have sex when you dated him before, the biggest why would probably be curiosity. Don't let him find out unless your relationship seems like its going to last a while.
You probably will need to talk about his ex some. It shouldn't be a big thing but, you need to know where you stand with him and where she fits in to it all. If he is still harboring feelings for her, you may want to let him get over it before jumping into a relationship. Last thing you want is to be the "rebound girl".
Hang out, get to know each other again. People do change in short periods of time when they are young! Don't jump into doing anything you may regret if things don't work out the way you'd like. :)
Good luck.
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"After months of being with his gf he was telling me he still had feelings for me, but i was so angry and hurt still that i didnt let him know how i really felt!"
When you care for someone or love someone, those feelings don't disappear overnight. Even if a break up was sudden and stupid, there are still going to be feelings there ( at least if the person is human in any way). He jumped into a rebound relationship to help him get over being hurt. That does not mean, however, that his feelings for you are completely gone. It is very possible that he still had feelings for you in the beginning. Or still has feelings for you now.
"During the convo it came out that i still had feelings for him. (he thought i hated him) His first question that he always wants to know is, if i have done shit with any guys."
That is really none of his business. He has no access to that information anymore and that probably shouldn't be the first thing he wants to know. It is probably more of a curiosity or selfishness. Even when you have broken up with someone, there can still be the concept of "mine" attached to that person. Even though you cannot stop your ex from being with others, it is an unhappy feeling to know that they are "with" someone else. It is purely selfishness, yet somewhat understandable.
"But why is he thinking about doing it with me? Is it because maybe he hasnt gotten in awhile and hes horny?"
I would assume that he is probably horny. And if you have done other things with guys, he may think that there is a chance of you doing that with him. Don't take it personally. I have had many guy friends and they all say the same thing. Guys just want to fuck. It just is. They are all horny, reguardless if they show it or not, and if they have an opportunity to have sex, you better believe that they will. Unless, of course, there is a very good reason not to...and it would have to be a very good reason. Women have this tendency to attach love and intimacy (and commitment) to sex. Guys don't always think that way. Some of them do, but for most, sex comes before the love and intimacy and attachment. If he still likes you, then I would bet that he is thinking about sex with you. If you know that he would not take advantage of you, then I would guess (even if he is just horny) that he wouldn't unless he cared.
"Anyways, i saw him kiss his ex on the cheek today, and him and i have plans to hang out tomorrow. Theres so many ugly thoughts running through my head that i dont know what to think."
If you are going to hang out, make sure that it is on a friends only basis. He has attachment to his ex, and most likely will get back with her. I would advise against being anything other than friendly until they are definetly over and you trust him compelely.
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I've been where you are.... he doesn't necessarily want you back as his steady gf, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. And that is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship. He has no business asking if you've been with other people... it's quite obvious that he's been with other people! It's a control thing. Walk away and find someone that respects you and won't treat you that way.
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