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Domestic Violence...
My sister-in-law *Chelsey* is just turned 18, her husband is 24. She has a 2 year old and a 4 month old. Her husband beats her, and everytime someone helps her she lies and says "I fell down the stairs." He's been in jail, has no license and is on probation for known violence. We want to help her when she asks, but how do we help? Can we help? We're at the end of our rope, and are about ready to call SRS, those children don't need this life. She doesn't need him, but those kids need HER! Please help? I don't want to take those kids away...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Many abused women will defend their husbands, and it is very unfortunate. It is also unfortunate that you have to be strong for your sister, but it is good that she has someone.
My idea is a subtle one. Set up a place in your home for your sister. If you have a spare bedroom or a couch, you're more than halfway there.
I don't know any details about the situation, but if you go over to her house often, bring a gym bag or a piece of luggage and pack up some of her and the kids' things, even if she disagrees. Take it to your house and make sure the husband does not notice any of whatever is going on. Have some money set aside just for her.
Bring a tape-recorder with you to her home when or if you go, just in case the husband is there and he says anything incriminating.
If you report it to Child Services, you would have to take over the responsibility of taking care of the children, or at least that is what I would suggest.
It's unfortunate, but your sister feels she probably has no way out and if she cannot take care of herself, she cannot take care of the children. That is not a good environment for them to grow up in.
Keep in mind that if she has been in a hospital, doctors keep records of these things. If they notice that it is spousal abuse, they will probably be suspicious about what she claims happened and keep a note of it.
Lastly, I would suggest calling the police and explaining the situation to them. Even if there is nothing they can do right now, they will keep a record of your call.
If any of this goes to court at any point, you will be prepared.
Lastly, this is the best part, (and sometimes where a tape recorder or a CAMERA can come in handy), you tell the right authorities that he has broken his probation. If it is against his probation to drink or do certain things, you can take a picture of it, and the inside of the house.
Keep yourself prepared because abusive people are a danger to society.
Before you do ANYTHING, take the kids. Call the right authorities and just take the kids into your home or another family member's home. They should not live there anymore. If he is abusing his wife, he could easily abuse his children.
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I think you need to find evidence that eh beats her. You need to get her out of the situation. If you dont do something he probably going wind up really hurting her or even worse. If you can get him away from her she can take care of the kids. Finding that he is committing a crime is he best way to go and having him go to jail permanently. I know that sounds selfish but she doesnt do something immediately then somethng serious will happen
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Like many problems, being upfront won't be fully effective in getting her to realize just how bad it is unless you bitchslap her a few times. It's a trick to go in through the back door and get her herself to really *understand* how bad it is.
But the children? Do whatever is necessary. Time is of the essence for them.
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First of all , you will never be able to help your friend if she doesn't come out of denial and start acknowledging that she and the children are being physically and emotionally abused. If she doesn't acknowledge this, then there is absolutely not much help for the children and herself that she can't provide. She really needs to press charges because when she presses charges, then they'll lock him up and they'll have it on record of the violence and the abuse. I recommend that she gets a restraining order too. Now, I don't know what she's going to do if he violates it(you know she just can't throw it in his face) but I do recommend that she get it. She probably will need it for her and the children even if she doesn't press charges against him. Also, you need to persuade her what's best for those kids and just because he's her husband and the father of those kids, doesn't mean that it's the best for them. Just tell her to do what she think is best but you really do have to make her see that those kids may get hurt physically, mentally, or emotionally. So just make her see then make the woman take action. Legal action.
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You may just have to call SRS anyway.
I know that is a sad thing to think about, but the kids well being has to come first.
There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of other choices for you. She shouldn't put up with the abuse but you can't make her leave.
The kids are a different story. I think a man who will beat his wife will eventually beat his children too. They can't stick up for themselves and she is to attracted to the guy to see him for what he is.
If he is on probation you could call police next time hes drunk. A violation of parole will get him thrown back in jail. For how long depends on why he was sent in the first place.
I do know they will try to put the kids with family if available. If you or other family member are willing to take on the kids, be sure and mention it.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. :)
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