i really want a baby of my own but i'm only 14. is that bad? i want a baby by the time i am a sophmore in high school. i am very motherly and plenty mature enough, i babysit all the time.
i have a boy in mind that i would want to get me pregnant and i'm sure he would have sex with me, but i know he wouldnt want to be a father at 15 or 16. (he's a year older than me) he's not my boyfriend, but he used to be,
i love him with all my heart and i know he already wants to move closer to me for college but still, thats a couple years away.
my family loves him and his family and his family feels the same way. i'm sure my family would help me out as much as they could if i did get pregnant, but still....
help!! any advice at all would be wonderful.
is it bad that i want a baby so bad? should i like, seduce this guy and have sex with him? what if he denies having sex with me if i do have a baby? what if he stops loving me because of me having a child?
i'll rate good for good answers!
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category? Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting? sizzlinmandolin answered Thursday October 6 2005, 6:38 pm: I think that you are much too young to be having a baby. It's not a bad thing at all to want it, that just shows that you're a little more mature than most for your age. Wanting to have a baby is wonderful, but actually doing it when you're 14 is not a good idea. DO NOT use the guy you like as a sperm donor for this baby. It's unfair to him and it's unfair to the child if you end up having one. He's not your boyfriend so you two aren't committed to each other, and he may not love you like you love him to begin with. It's only a small chance that he stay with you for the rest of your life baby or not. Tricking him into having a baby is very wrong. It's not just YOUR baby, it would be his too. No one should ever purposely get pregnant unless they are in a very committed relationship or are older and have a very stable income with very good job security. Having a baby will put a lot of pressure on your parents if you still plan on going to school, which I would strongly suggest for you to do in that situation. You don't have an income at all much less having one sufficient enough to support a baby. A single mother without an education no matter what age would have a really hard time supporting a child. There is also the chance that you would never find a partner. In the first 4-8 years your parents would be doing most of the raising since you'd be in school so the child wouldn't be yours as much as you would probably like. Live your life! You are young! It's only a few more years before you can have kids...enjoy being one before you start having them. Try not to think so selfishly...think about how this would affect other people, especially the child that you would have. Don't you want him/her to have a complete family and not get picked on in school for being poor or for having a mother that's young enough to be their older sister? Once you have a baby you can't give it back, it's yours forever. If you REALLY want to be around a baby and raise a baby, maybe talking to your parents about adopting one for themselves is an option. That way, you could be a really great older sister and help raise the baby for your parents. If that's not something that they want to do, maybe you should think about getting a job as a baby sitter or at a daycare service. You would be around babies all the time and you could help raise them and, in your own special way, claim them for your own. I know this may sound a little harsh, but I really don't want you to do something that you will, without a doubt, regret. I'm really looking forward to having kids too, and sometimes I want to have them now, but then I start thinking about how hard it would be for everyone, my parents, my boyfriend, his parents, the baby...it's just not worth it at this time in my life or in yours. I do know how you feel and I'm happy for you that you feel that way. Give it a few years and a steady relationship and you will be a really great mother in the future. Remember having kids is a huge deal that shouldn't be taken so lightly as you're taking it. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope that you will wait for a better time in your life to start having children. [ sizzlinmandolin's advice column | Ask sizzlinmandolin A Question ]
angelfire2708 answered Thursday October 6 2005, 6:29 pm: Your only giving high ratings to the people who tell you to go ahead and have a baby, because thats what you want to hear.
Im sorry hun> but i do get the total picture!!! You see I AM A MOM!! You do not have the slightest clue what your even talking about or what youre getting yourself into. Babysitting other peoples kids is NOT the same as having 1 of youre own! It doesnt matter if his parents love you or youre parents love him. That doesnt justify having a baby at 14!! You need to get in touch w/reality, and stop thinking about yourself. No teenage guy is gonna wanna plan to have a baby. Besides, youre body isnt fully developed yet. There could be complications during the delivery, and so many other things to consider! Im sorry if you think im being harsh, but you dont sound very mature to me!! Being mature is waiting until the time is right and 2 loving PARENTS can afford to have a baby. Like finishing high school and college, and getting jobs! Your not even old enough to work!! You cant expect your parents to raise YOUR kid. Thats not being very responsible or mature!
Planning to have a baby at 14, is just plain DUMB!! You literally need to "grow up"!!! [ angelfire2708's advice column | Ask angelfire2708 A Question ]
karenR answered Thursday October 6 2005, 6:14 pm: Yes it is actually.
First you don't trick guys into getting you pregnant. A baby deserves 2 parents who want it and are able to care for it. Not one.
Your parents are approaching an age when they need to think about what they will do when they retire. They do not need the added burden of raising a grandchild.
It is selfish to bring a child into the world that you cannot pay for. The hospital bill for having a baby is in the thousands of dollars. Most parents insurance will not cover if their kid gets pregnant. So that come out of pocket.
Babies need so much more than love. They need diapers and formulas and clothes. Hundreds of dollars a months worth.
They must have round the clock attention. That means no dances no fun with friends.
Friends will be all for looking at the cute baby for a month or so, then they go on with their lives while yours comes to a standstill.
Oh, no dates either. And, if you trap some guy into knocking you up...you won't have them asking anyway.
Basically, much as you want one, it isn't fair to a baby to bring it into the world with no father and mother to care for it. Not fair to do that to your parents. Not fair for you to end your youth so fast. You have no life experience to raise a baby with.
You will get there soon enough. Don't rush it. Been there done that so take it from me and wait.
I could go on and on....
Anyway, wasn't my intention to make you mad or anything. You just need to hear the facts. You will make a wonderful mother when the time is right for you to be. Wait until a time in your life when you can share the experience with someone you love. Your future baby will be so much happier! :) [ karenR's advice column | Ask karenR A Question ]
EvilCheshire answered Thursday October 6 2005, 6:07 pm: It's not a bad thing, it's great that you want to be a mother. But you have all the time in the world for a bouncing baby.
You can't expect this guy to just get you pregnant. That's a lot on his shoulders, and that is a big responsibility for the two of you. Have you talked to your parents about this? Just imagine what they would think, they probably wouldn't be very open to the idea becuase you're so young.
What kind of life could you give this baby at 15? How is this going to affect you at school? You can't rely on just your parents and family to help you out. You'll have to get a job, and being so young they won't really pay you very well or give you the kinds of hours you'll need.
Don't you want your own place for your baby? And to have a good job with nice pay so you can afford to get your baby nice things? You'll want a father there too who is fully dedicated to that decision. Build yourself a nest egg before you have a child, I know with as much as you want one the wait is going to be a struggle.. but believe me.. it's going to be your best choice in the longer run. [ EvilCheshire's advice column | Ask EvilCheshire A Question ]
sweety answered Thursday October 6 2005, 5:56 pm: i think that you should wait a while and if you stilll feel that way then go ahead but talk to a trusted adult first there are alot of hard-ship to being a teenage mother like how are you going to take care of the baby and what are you going to do about school [ sweety's advice column | Ask sweety A Question ]
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