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My son's natural father
Dear Michele.
I'm a 29 year old mother of three wonderful children. But I have a problem. When I was 28. I was dating this guy for about six months and it was a on againg off again relationship. We both decided that we wheren't going to get married or have children. He already had one and I had two at that time and I wasn't ready to have anymore. So I was on the pill and he didn't use anything. Well about a month later I just couldn't take it anymore and we split up. But he keep trying to get me back but I was with someone else but I still cared for my ex. Well I went to my doctor's for a check up and found out that I was five months pregnant and I know who the father was. So I told him that night and he was so furrious at me and told me that it was my falt and that all I wanted was his money. I told him all I wanted was him in my son's like and mine. But that never happened he wanted me to have abortion or give him up. Not going to happen. He has never seen his son. My son is two right know and will be three in a couple of months. I have married a great guy who has been in my son's life since he was six months old. But he's getting older and I needed some advice on how do I tell my son that the man that he know's as dad is not his real dad and how to explan to him about his real dad and I don't want to picture him as a bad person. I don't know what to do. I hope that you can help.
Sincerely,
A heart broken mother
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aww thats sad. i think you should try to explain it to him in a way that he would understand. lets face it, any way you tell him hes gonna be upset, so your just going to have to deal with that. but dont hold off telling him until hes older because then he wont only be upset because he never met his real father, but hell also be angry with you for not telling him. so try to tell him cautiously. At 3 years old, he might not have as much of a reaction then lets say a y7 year old would, but thats why it would be better to tell him right now. wow i hope im making sense right now. Well, i wish you the best of luck and i hope i helped!
<3 Danielle
*please rate*
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Dear Heart-broken mother,
My mom also faced the same thing as you did once upon a time ago. She struggled hard to get my real father in my life, but he really didn't want much to do with it.
Even if this man in your life now, is not his REAL dad, you may as well consider him to be. As long as he's being everything a father should be. Childeren don't really understand a lot when they're younger, when they get older it doesn't get easier becuase they still have a lack of understanding.
I'm afraid there is no easy way to say "This is your real father.." It's going to be hard for the both of you, but your son will understand. I understood when my mother told me everything about my dad. If anything, I was hurt that my father was so horrible to my mom. I have no real desire to see that man.
Honesty is the best policy. He'll have a lot of questions and he's going to be very curious. I'd try to make one last effort to get in touch with his real dad and explain to him how you feel once more. You don't want the money, you just want your son to know who his father was.. nothing else.
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I would locate his real father and have him give up parental rights. Let him be adopted by the man who cares enough to be his father.
His real father is nothing more than a sperm donor. I don't know why you want to paint a good picture of the man. Really. He is an irresponsible jerk.
You don't have to tell that to him. When hes older he will figure it out. His bio dad didn't want him and the truth will hurt but its a fact.
However, Mommy found him a good daddy who wanted him very much and loves him very much. And who will always be there for him.
My son married a woman in your situation. Her son is 9 now and so far so good. He knows he is with someone who wants him and loves him.
He may someday want to find and meet his real dad. That's okay too. Leave it to the ex boyfriend to give him reasons for his behavior. He needs to take responsibility for something.
You don't have to say bad things about him to your son. Just don't paint a good picture of him either. Tell him the truth. :)
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