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My pain in the butt mother
My fiance and I live together with our two children. We have decided to live in a small apartment for now while we are saving for a house. My mother had to move out of her house because of financial hardships about 2 years ago. When she moved, she told me that she would be going between my apartment and her boyfriends apartment until she got her own place. She now has her own place and she is still here. She sleeps on the sofa all the time. My stepmother keeps my kids a lot to give me and their father a break and she still stays here. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It was nice of you to put up your house as a temporary home for your mother, but now maybe she feels like it's another permanet home.
She could be really lonely or there could be something deeply troubling her at home? Maybe she's afraid to go home? If she lives with her boyfriend maybe he's treating her wrong? Or maybe you just have a case of someone who got too comfortable.
Either way, confront her about it. Just ask why she spends so much time over at your place when she has her own. Especially when you need alone time with your fiance occasionally when the kids aren't around.
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Be firm, this behavior is not appropriate and it is putting unnecessary strain on you and your family. Sit your mother down and explain to her that while you love her very much your apartment is very small and you would appreciate some more time alone. There is probably no way to do this without offending her a little, so be prepared for her unhappiness and arguments. If you really want this situation to change though, you’ll have to remain firm.
Have set times when it is okay for her to visit. Say, Wednesday night is family dinner night and we’d love you to come, or we are all seeing a movie on Saturday please wont you join us.
Your mother is probably just lonely. Encourage her to meet other people her age or pick up a hobby.
You really will have to put your foot down and be prepared for your mothers hurt. She will feel rejected and probably unloved. With regular and clear invitations, phone calls and plans you can let her know she is still included and loved by your family without encouraging her to move in with you.
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You really have to get up the nerve to tell her to go home.
She nay be lonely or something but you really need time alone with your family. Just tell her that.
Is it possible for her to find an apartment in your building? Too close? Just a thought.
You really do need to talk to her before it starts affecting your relationship with fiance.
Good luck. :)
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