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inappropriate relations
ok, i am a female student playing in a university sports team and am 20 years old. We recently went on tour with the new coach who we had not met before. Basically on our last night there we all went out and got really drunk, coaches too. At about 4am the coach (Ben) asked if i wanted to go and find some food. I really fancied chips so said yes and we left. we found that at 4am nowhere is open but kept walking and chatting. He was flirting, making me guess his age etc (he's 35) and i was having fun. It started pouring with rain and he put his arm around me to keep me warm then somehow we were holding hands. we found a bar and were discussing how it was quite inappropriate that we were there together. we ended up kissing and going further, in the bar, in the streets everywhere. it was amazing. had there been a private bed to go to we would have slept together i am sure. anyway, the point is, if anyone finds out on the team he will lose his job coaching and i will not be able to play anymore. that is the last thing i want but it was so exciting and i am really attracted to him. I dont know how to deal with it. also i have a boyfriend. i have always been a bit of a slut, cheating on boyfriends but i really thought i had changed and this one was different. i said if i ever cheated on him i would end it but now it comes to it it is really hard and i dont want to. He is lovely, just quite conventional and everything i did whilst away with Ben is everything i miss with my boyfriend. i know it was stupid but i think i would do it again if the same opportunity was there. I dont know what to do and would really appreciate some advice.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Don't take anythign furthur with either of them. Sit down and ask yourself this question. Which one do you like more? I would say follow your heart but alot of times the mind confuses and plays with how you really feel.
It sounds like you and your coach had a great time. You said you were drunk which in some cases would lead to making somebody think they liked a certain person in that way. If you still have the same feelings toward your coach then tried to find out who you have stronger feelings for.
Don't under any cerumstances allow your caoch to lose his job. Especially if he loves it. Don't allow your team mates to find out obviously and don't allow your boyfriend ot find out unless you tell him. Think it through and then tell your bofriend about the whole thing. He has a right to know. Now though he may leave you for that if he does then he may not love you. He will probably be mad and upset and leave you but don't just go with your coach after that.
Another thing talk with your coach about this make it seem like it is somehting about the team or whatever and then when you are alone ak him how he feels about it.
Now this probably wont help much and it probably sounds all messed up but I tried to put it as best I could. I mean what more can a thirteen year old girl say to help.
-ask2recieve
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dont tell anyone your secret because thats a pretty big one. keep going with out with your bf because he will make you feel good at any time, and over time it will just be a memory,s o dont sweat it. and far as the coach is concered dont let him make any moves on you, your there to play sports so play them!
--hope it works!!--
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To use a horrible, old, and overused phrase, it sounds like the flame has gone out of your relationship with your boyfriend. It's probably because of what you lack, the feeling, the excitement, the unpredictability that led you to doing inappropriate things with your coach.
You know you can't do it again. To rephrase, you know you shouldn't do it again. If you want to live with yourself, and you want him to keep his job, you won't let it happen again.
What's important now is that you feel satisfied with your current boyfriend. Was he always like this? Why did you fall for him in the first place?
I don't know what you mean by conventional, but is it something you can talk to about your boyfriend? or is it just a personality trait, that you can't expect him to change?
You need to introduce him to things you like. If they're unconventional, then let him know they're alright. Maybe he just never thought of experimenting, he might have wanted to feel more secure.
If nobody knows on the team, then that's how it will stay, as long as you pretend that nothing ever happened. If you "believe" nothing ever happened, it will disappear. The guy won't talk about it, he wants to keep his job. That leaves you, and anyone else who saw you at 4 or 5 in the morning.
Anyway, not sure what I was trying to say, but I said it so;
It didn't happen.
It won't happen. "again".
Your boyfriend needs to get more interesting, or he's going to lose you.
It's up to you whether you tell him or not.
Everyone makes mistakes.
-K
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