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problems with my dad
I'm 17 and a senior and I have a serious problem with my dad. I have an older brother who doesn't live at home any more, but when he did, he wasn't exactly the best student. I remember every time interums or report cards would come out, I would hide up in my room listening to him crying as my dad screamed at him. I don't know everything that my dad did, because I never saw it, but I only remember my mom sticking up for him ONCE. He would always tell anyone who would listen what a loser my brother was and how he would never amount to anything. The first time I got a C in math was when I was in the 10th grade. My dad screamed at me and then told me to get out of his face because he didn't want to look at me anymore. He gets pissed off at little things, has thrown chairs across the room and has no clear desire whatsoever to control his anger. He has never hit my mom, little sister or me but he yells a lot and my mom hardly ever says anything to him. He's trying to force me to go to the college he wants me to go to by threatening not to give me any financial support. For a while, I was cutting myself because he made me feel so worthless, but I haven't done so in over two years because my mom walked in on me once. She doesn't believe me when I say I think I'm really depressed. My brother was diagnosed with chronic depression and my dad flipped when he found out because he doesn't believe in psychology, which is the field I want to go into. I really hate him and am sick of putting up with him and I don't know what to do.
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I think you should talk to someone, and just let your feelings out. Are you going away to college? If so, then you'll be away from him. My friend was in this exact same position. She went away to college in Iowa, and she's been happy ever since. You DO need to confront the problem sometime though, and you should find some support when you are ready to confront it.
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OMG i am exactly in your position too, you see my dad used to hit me and i cut....and i cut because i thought that physical pain was better than emotional pain and it didnt help....well not for me...anyways if he ever yells at you like tht again try to close your eyes and cover your ears and count to 20 once he stops yelling when you see a parent or an adult you trust try to talk to them about it then they can get your dad some help and your life will be esier.....trust me on this one......it worked for me.
hope i helped sicerly,Marie
if you have aim or aol IM me at Promisesgetlost@aol.com
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Get the big bugs out, and prepare for a battle cause if you want to live your life and get away from this guy, you're going to be pretty much on your own. I'm sorry, but if your mom is making no effort to help and your brother is...lost, then you've gotta take a stand for yourself. Look at it this way - you are a senior. You wont be home for much longer. As for him trying to pick a college for you - girl, fuck him. No, seriously. My dad had that thought in mind at one point in his life, what to do with my future, but I made it clear to him he doesn't have shit to do with my future. So since he's taking the coward road like my dad almost did - blocking you financially, I say, you get a loan if you want to do what you want in your life. Or go his way.
Talk to guidance councillor[s], or find out what kind of financial help you can get at banks in your area. I think you are entitled to financial help for an education, but I'm not sure. What I'm saying is - dont.give.up, kay? Ignore him, like Rahzie said, dont yell back, and just keep telling yourself you'll be out of there soon. I know its not as easy as it sounds, I KNOW, but it depends on just how much you want this for yourself.
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first...you need to talk to your dad.....if you think that will cause problems,then i suggest you dont....what you need to do is tell him your worried about him...and ask if anything is wrong....take him to church confessions,ask him to try to confess his sins,while you are in the room....try to get a hold of a therapist, you and your mom talk about it,the therapist,and tell her you are worried about your dad and want him to go to a therapist for anger mangement...if that doesnt work write back...i know that you will do the right thing....you are a strong smart young woman...and you diserve the kind of life that teens are supposed to live...i know that everything will be alright!
love :)hearts,
dana
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I hate those kind of fathers, angry as all hell and trying to turn his kids into the same screwed up and worthless person he is.
He clearly has problems controling his anger, it certainly doesn't help that your mother enables him.
It is a sad thing in life that older children have few reasources agianst thier abusive parents unless the abuse is physical.
If you can't speak to your mother about finacial help through college then talk to your guidence counselors. Try to stay calm and explain the problem about finacial help seriously, they will be able to guide you to the proper reasources on student loans as well as scholarships and bursiraries.
Then buckle down for a fight. Accept that in order to follow your dreams you might have to do it alone. Lots of people go through school without the finacial help of thier parents, it is possible, just less plesant.
I can understand wanting to yell back, wanting to scream and make him realize what an idiot he is. But you know by know he isn't capable of admiting he is wrong.
Find the strength inside yourself to ignore him. That was finally the way I delt with my father, whenever he started to yell, I would stop what I was doing and give him my full attention without ever saying a word besides yes and no. Focus on your breathing and make up a chant for yourself to drone out whatever he is yelling about, mine was "I'm going to be world famous and you are going to die unloved." A little nasty sure, but it gave me strength to get through those last years at home.
Good luck and if you need anything, drop me a line.
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I think your dad has some mental issues himself. He has already proven he isn't going to listen to you. Spend as much time as you can out of the house. Take up a sport or some kind of extra curriculare activity to stay away from home. Find comfort in your friends and next time he does start yelling, make a stand. Get everyone in your house to make a stand againts his yelling and let him know what he is doing is wrong and your sick of it. Your dad shouldn't be doing any of that, and it's downright terrible that he is...
I don't know what all I should say, but I said what I thought would be good to say. I really hope what I said helps you in some way and something can be done about this. I really do.
I'll pray for you
-Ryan
P.S. If you need anything else or someone to talk to..IM me at (AIM) Alpha0mega345 or drop something in my inbox.
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