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--[Confusion]-- @_@
sigh, why does life suck so much? Literally, i've been backstabbed and bullied on when i was a kid in grade school, first year university now... I still can't learn to trust and am so paranoid around people. Um, i'm in a situation where I hate relationships, how troublesome they are, where I feel like I want to be with some girls but the feeling of being crushed... again ...prevents that so I stay alone, and remain alone just considering people as friends and being close. Sure it's a blast but the whole thing drives me insane. I don't know, like a lot of the girls i've actually had some feeling for, before it develops I always push them away, finding how who they like or encouraging them when they think they've found someone (if they're a good person) :/ ... though I laugh, smile, and joke about these things, I really don't want them to go and it always drives me insane. This is killing me so much and not to mention my friendship with a few people is failing horribly. Again I feel betrayed and destroyed, I just got backstabbed again which just KILLS. Yeah well what to do, how can I learn to trust again? This feeling is so heavy on my heart it makes me suffocate and kills me to the point I find myself shaking my head and going crazy.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First, take a deep breath and look in the mirror. Who have you become? It's time to let the past go, and realize that even if being bullied has made you uneasy around other people, it's taught you that relationships are something you miss and need when you feel like you can't put your trust in people. You seem like you see the value of good, healthy relationships, where a lot of people don't. Remember that people change so much in personality, morals, and perspective after grade school and high school. Most are over the period of trying to find themselves and are more into trying to discover who another person is. Trust, friendship, and someone by your side becomes very important in life at a certain age, and most people have matured enough to see that bullying, teasing, and putting people down does no good to themselves or anyone else.
People change, and friendships diminish and fail, which is what you're going through now. However hard that is, realize that true, good friends will always be there by your side, and the others might pass just like chapters in your life, but you'll have laughed, learned, and lived with them all the same. Take what you can from it, and let the rest go.
Now, to the matter of relationships. Have fun, flirt, laugh, but don't try to hard to find anything by way of a serious relationship, it will find you. When you do feel that a person is right for you, you want to try to bring them closer, rather than push them away. Try to understand that this person /wants/ to get to know the real you, and everything you think about and feel. Get to know that person too, and instead of going into something thinking that it will end like everything else, focus on the now. Learn to live for today, without dwelling too much on yesterday or tomorrow. Once that happens, trust will come automatically, as easily as breathing. Especially if you really feel you know a person, and they have strong morals and know who they are and what they want in life. There's always the tiny chance that things won't work out, but have faith that if they don't, they weren't meant to be, and move on with your life. Again, people change, over and over, as a result of everything they experience and learn in life. Sometimes it brings people closer together, and sometimes apart, but whatever happens, remember that you're /living/, and feel just how sweet that is.
Good luck, hope this helps.
~Nevaeh
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I have a permanent quote on my column you'd probably like!
There is no easy way to learn to trust people. If you've been hurt...makes it even harder. You have to try though. You can't just assume that every girl out there is waiting to hurt you. They aren't. Concentrate on being really good friends with them first. That way you can get a feel for the type of person they really are. Don't go out on a big long date, try going out for coffee or soda first. Little mini dates until you find someone who you really want to try a more serious relationship with. Do lunch instead of dinner. You may get hurt again in the future but its a risk everybody takes. Just try, try again. Hope you find someone soon, good luck! :)
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As my friend Nick once put it, "If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."
Just relax! You've had some tough luck. But if you like a girl, tell her! The worse that could happen is she says know and you move on.
I know it can be hard. If you are in any way religious, pray about it. God will help.
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Man, I know how ya feel... I had a crush say she didnt like me... I have a friend who half the time hates me and calls me a retard, half the time calls me his best friend... I have a friend who strangles me on a daily basis... so I can relate.
Why does life suck? Because if it didn't suck then it would only be good. If it's only good, good is normal, because it would have to have an opposite, which wouldn't exist, so therefore, life has to suck!
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i THiNK THAT YOU SHOUDL TRY T0 0PEN YOURSELF UP A LITTLE MORE TO NEW PEOPLE AND NEW ESPERINCES ! Y0U CANT LET THE LITTLE THING BRING YOU DOWN ! AND YOU SHOULD JUST LET LOOSE AND LEAVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULEST ! AND JUST OPE YOURSELF UP TO LIKE TALKING TO SOMEONE U FiND THAT YOU CAN TRUST OR MAYBE TALK WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH FOR A LONG TiME 0R S0METHiNG ! iM N0T T0 EXPRICENED WITH THIS KIND OF THING BUT i FELT AS iF i HAD SOMETHinG GOOD TO SAY ! i HOPE EVERYTHinG WORKS 0UT ! AND i H0PE i HELPED ! ♥ X-0H
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Yes, I know EXACTLY what you mean. If you push everyone away, and you never open up to people, and especially to girls whom you are close to and who you have feelings for, they might have feelings for you too! But you'll never know if you turn away from them..you know what I mean? Just talk to people...keep your friends close, and enemies closer. There are people who care and like you, FOR YOU. There are good people out there...you might find that "special person" if you open up to people, you will. I hope I helped.
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