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children dealing with seperation from one parent
I have been in my current relationship for 9 months. Previouisly my relationship was 4 years in which we had a child. since then her father hasn't seen or talked to her in 6 months. Now when she starts to get close to my boyfriend she takes three steps back. But if she meets someone new she walk with them and hold their hand and she won't do this with my boyfriend. This upsets him and I've told him maybe she's just afraid to get close with himbecause she's afraid he will leave her too. Please help me try to understand this better. (she's only 5 years old)
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ya i agree with you that she might be afraid that he will leave her but it also might be that shes afraid if she gets really close to your boyfriend and you marry him and stuff like that that she will never see her father again you can always just ask her be like sweetie are you afraid hes gunna take daddys place or are you afraid that he will leave us she might be five but shes not stupid hope i helped
Morgan
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Hi. I can help with this one. My parents are divorced and my mother remarried a guy who is a total asshole. I know I am a lot older than your daughter but I went through the same thing. Your daughter is acting like this because she is affraid she will get attatched and then he will leave like her father. Also because she is affraid that he will hurt you, kids are like that sometimes because they are very protective when they are little. But if I were you, sit her down and talk about him. (not when he is there) then try to find a solution so you can feel more comfortable.
Hope I helped
Sincerely,
Abby <3
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Please give your daughter time to adjust. She may just be 5, but she has feelings and understands the differnece between strangers and people whom are in her life. It's only been 9 months, your boyfriend should understand as he is the grown up and she's the child. Don't pressure or force your daughter to go to him, she'll go this when she's good and ready
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My parents divorced when I was 4, and I went into depression. She will talk and things with strangers because she knows that she won't get too close where they might leave her. She IS scared that your boyfriend will leave. Tell him that she needs time, and then talk to your little girl, and let her know that her daddy didn't mean to hurt her, and that your boyfriend doesn't want to hurt her and it's okay to get close. Also let your boyfriend know she is sensitive. Then, try to get her father to see her. It's hard not seeing your father. My dad moved to Connecticut and I saw him 2 times a year. It's hard on kids, because they don't understand the concept of one parent, when everyone else seems to have 2. Just give her time, she'll come around. After all, she is only 5. Trust me, I was the same way with my dad's girlfriend.
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Your boyfriend needs to stop pushing it. Your daughter is only five years old and he needs to think more of that fact. Have you ever thought that maybe since her dad left that she will get close to anyone but your boyfriend because she feels replacement has been taken from her fathers' place also? I think its your boyfriend who needs to understand better. He sounds too impatient for this kind of situation, I'm not asking you to dump him, but you need to say, "look, shes had a rough past with her father, and you're going to have to wait for however long it takes for her to get a healthy relationship with you." Your daughter is just going through difficulties with her past, its not abnormal in anyway, even teens get like this toward their mothers' new boyfriends. And five year olds can get upset about these things, shes so little and had to handle a big past. So, I hope you can tell your boyfriend to calm down, because your daughter probably needs your hand to hold right now when it comes to this problem.
-TheTeenGirl
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Well of course she steps back from your boyfriend. She's a toddler! She's scared of strangers. She's aware that her father left him and little kids aren't old enough to understand second chances.
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Well, it probably feels weird for her. Shes only five years old. The best solution I can think of is for him and her to spend more time together. Still, she might not understand it, shes only five years old.
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I think your first assumtion is probably right, but its also possible that she is uneasy about your boyfriend because of his relationship with you. She's already had one parent disappear for reasons unknown and may be afraid that your boyfriend will take you away too. By remaining cold towards your boyfriend, she may be attempting to keep you all for herself, so she won't be left alone. Just a thought.
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.....well maybe you have to tell your daughter that this guy is ok and he wont hurt her....but i dont kno if she is old enough to under stand that so maybe have him baby sit her or have a day with him so that they can get to kno each other...she maybe shy at first but she will warm up to hi...dont worrie....hope i helped...bye
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